Not that Bad

Just lately people have been saying a lot of things to me, well maybe I'm just remembering them more, but yesterday a friend said to me, 'Of course you never expected to end up in a wheelchair did you?' 'Not perhaps one of life's aspirations' I replied, but then I thought, actually its not that bad, not that bad at all. The way she said it was as if it was the worse thing she could ever ever think of happening, and I suppose I resent that a bit. I resent her thinking that my life must be terrible because a lot of the time, certainly in general day to day activities, I don't really give it much thought. Maybe she sees me as just the sum of the wheels or something like that. Of course I rant and moan about access, and still feel quite self conscious at times, but in the day to day business of real life I really don't think about it at all. I just felt rather annoyed that this was her perception, that my life is so bad, because that couldn't be further from the truth.

Push til you're muscle bound....

....Well I have, and that's now a problem. I'm the first to admit Ive never been a size 10 but over the last few years Ive lost quite a bit of weight, dropped about 4 dress sizes, and don't eat very much at all. Pain is quite an appetite killer to be honest. Anyway someone I know (NOT a friend I might add!!) said to me recently, "Looks like you're getting quite a pair of shoulders there... ha ha".... Bloody Ha! Yes I know, I'm very conscious Of my Popeyesqe shoulders and bulging triceps, biceps and deltoids. Its become a problem in as much as I find women's blouses very difficult to wear, I mean I cant actually find many that fit anymore. Obviously given that I spend my days pushing myself about, plus I'm lifting children up and down and up and down for hours at a time, I'm probably doing the equivalent of several hours weight training a day. Its one of those things that makes you realise just how little control we have over our bodies sometimes. There seems to be no way I can avoid this and it doesn't exactly do a lot for the 'feminine' me. Now that someone has actually commented I feel even more aware of my 'fat' arms. Its one of those little remarks that is just niggling away under my skin. Thanks a lot for those words of reassurance that have done absolutely nothing for my self esteem.

A little Poise

A friend of mine said recently, You know you handle all this with such aplomb. Good word huh? Aplomb.... I like it, and havent heard it used in an age. So I thought Id look it up just to check I understood the context in which he was using it....

Aplomb.

noun.
imperturbable self-possession, poise, or assurance.

Synonyms: composure, equanimity, imperturbability.

Well well, I like it even more, what a great use of a word. Thats me for sure, someone who does things with a certain style and yes hadnt you noticed my assurance composure and imperturbability? Ok well maybe not but I do like the fact that I give this impression, because actually Im sort of getting my head round the whole thing, lightening up and enjoying life, 'cos you know what, its too short not to isnt it