Valentines Day

means 'Love is all around'. Actually it means we are beaten and berated by the card and flower industries into guiltily sending them to those we are supposed to love all year round. 

As you and I both know disabled people are these small alien creatures that don't have romantic relationships and certainly don't ever ever ever have sex. Like some sort of religious icon, disabled people are well, their own species. occasionally you might come across a married one, but they marry within their own kind. Remembering that they are in fact totally asexual anyway, because thats what happens when you have a disability, they never ever have children because that would be just unthinkable wouldn't it? Finally, although you think they are probably OK, you must make sure your son doesn't bring one home, because you just wouldn't know what to say to him or the neighbours.

Amazingly this is a summary of attitudes I continue to come across. On the one hand the majority seem to accept single sex relationships a lot more easily in 2010 but disabled romances still seem well, difficult. I had a man say 'God bless you' in Morrisons last week, I was carrying the baby, my husband steering the other one round in the trolley. I smiled becasue he meant well and I try to live my life in a Jewish way that doesn't make people feel bad even though I'm irritated to hell and back. Most people almost collapse when I say I have '4 of these' becasue its amazing enough for a disabled person to have 1 child right?

So it seems society still has a major problem with disabled people actually giving and receiving love. Its something I find impossible to understand why. Our capacity for love is what marks us out from every other species on the planet. Remember, its the last thing most people will ever say to loved ones. 'I love you forever and ever'. Even in the most tragic of circumstances its what we want to give and receive the most. Even disabled people.

The First and Only time!

Well we have our new car. Its amazing and actually its a bus not a car. A red Mercedes, 8 seater, a real north London mitzvah tank. Apart from the problem of being higher than I realised, so I'm finding it very difficult to get in and out of, and also the hand brake is actually a foot hand brake, its great!!! The getting in and out I can practice, and I'm getting a special lever for the weird foot hand brake thingy!. 

 Anyway today I had an acute and serious episode of dim-witted-ism. Its really called 'being-very-tired-and-having-poor-judgment',  we were nearly home and one of the farmers was doing some work on the road. Normally I would have waited but like a complete ninny I decided to go round him on the very wet grass. It was a very very bad mistake as I also wasn't really aware that it was as wet as it was, or that the van is actually big and heavy. So I got stuck. My husband was dieing a thousand deaths of embarrassment as he got out to tell the farmer we were stuck. I just did the dizzy woman thing, which was totally true on this occasion. Our local farmer swore a bit and then went off to get his chain. 10 minutes later he returned and pulled us out of the mud with his lovely vintage tractor. Doh!!! I suppose over the years this has never happened before and there is a first time for everything, I'm just going to make sure it was the only time. My husband had to retire to bed for an hour as he was so stressed , I just thought it was amusing in a rather dotty way! 

Shoulders of a giant

Yesterday I was wading through my enormous wardrobe full of clothes I no longer wear, but cant get round to throwing out. I have loads of stuff that generally are a really bad fit, Tops that are too long in the arm or too baggy round the stomach, but need to be a larger size because of my shoulders being bigger than average. I also have quite a few pairs of baggy trousers, coats I love but don't wear because the cut no longer really works for me, or v neck tops that become a bit too revealing when sitting down. So I went to put on a favourite jacket that I bought some years ago and was horrified to discover it no longer fits. I mean its a total catastrophe from my point of view, I feel Ive lost a friend. The jacket in question still fits perfectly apart from the shoulders. although I don't exactly pump iron I suppose I'm doing the equivalent by lifting babies and small children all day every day and  I bet I'm doing at least 2 hours a day of gym weights at home with the boys as weights. The health visitor came and weighed the littlest today and hes now almost 12lb. So if I think about the number of times in a day he is up, down, up down, its not, surprising I'm a likely contender for body builder of 2010!

Save Us

                                                              

 This week was my birthday, so I am another year wiser at least I would like to think. I also have the misfortune to have my birthday on Holocaust Remembrance Day, 27th January. And to be honest with you, it does actually put a slight damper on the day, it just doesn't feel quite so jolly as it should especially with endless stories on the TV and radio that require endless tissues. 

As well as around 6 million Jews who were exterminated, let us not forget the other groups killed by the Nazis  

• 7 million Soviet men woman and children
• 1 million Romany and Sinti
• 200000 + disabled people
• 250000 non Jewish Poles
• 10000 Homosexual 
• 2000 Jehovah's Witnesses 
• 1000's of Prisoners of War 
• 1000's of Germans opposed to the Nazi regime 

Of these, just over 1 million children were murdered.

In the 21st century its easy to ring our hands and say 'how could they?' but we all know that in our hearts lies the massive potential for evil, and very very few of us will ever protest about the ills of the world, its so easy to let someone else isn't it? In another time and another place I'm too aware as to what my fate would have been but like every mother my thoughts are not for myself but my family. Now I look at all my friends, all good solid wonderful people who I wholeheartedly trust and whose company I enjoy to the full. But every so often I find myself wondering who if any one of them would have saved my children? Would any of them taken just one of my sons? Sadly I find an answer to be unforthcoming.