Pills

Ive been ill since Christmas. There I have said it, ill. I have a real aversion to even suggesting I might be ill as it conjures up someone in bed with flu for 2 weeks,  now that's ill, me, I'm just plodding along being quietly ill, no fuss please.

My ears have been really bothering me for about 6 months. They hurt but not like an ear infection, everything is really LOUD,  Ive been sick and dizzy as well, its horrible and as a result Ive spent a lot of time lying down, getting nothing done. So I finally went to the Drs, and she thinks I have Meniere's, a condition of the inner ear. We also discussed everything else, and Ive come away armed with boxes and boxes of tablets. Ive gone from someone who takes nothing to some sort of rattling pill box. We have on the prescription today......

• Gabapentin for pain
• Trimethoprim for Uti
• Propanolol for migraine
• Cinnarizine for balance

So overnight  Ive gone from someone who takes a couple of tablets a day to taking a grand total of 10 a day, and I guess this is a sign of things to come isn't it?

The Funeral

I last saw my dads family when I was about 10. This was thanks to my parents divorce and just how this time went by I don't know, but it did. Funerals are pretty odd occasions at the best of time, but this one was straight out a film. Although my Dads death came as a total shock to me, I had to drop in my wheelchair accessory to my unsuspecting relatives. Its hard and I hate it, you'd think Id be used to it by now but Im not. Id spoken to my aunt about the arrangements and promised in a moment of madness to come in the funeral car with her. Later that evening the light bulb pinged in my head and I realised I wouldn't be able to get in or out the car, so it was a hopeless non starter. Eventually I decided to drop her a note explaining we would meet them there as I would find the car difficult as I didnt want to be chaseing her via call minder for days. Times like this I just want to bang, bang, bang, my head against the wall to be honest.

The funeral was brief and to the point, my dad was rather a minimalist and wanted no fuss. The turn out excellent and I was greeted like the long lost family member I was.

Come and sit at the front,  said my cousin. Sweet of him but I declined because there is nothing worse than rolling to the front with everyones eyes drilling into the back of your head. Theres always more room at the back anyway. One of my uncles appeared to be mortified when he met me. Oh what happened to you he asked in a high squeaky shocked voice, are you getting good treatment and I hope you get better soon he said. I smiled, told him I was getting excellent tratement and thanked him because I was feeling bad that he was feeling so bad. I wanted to reassure him. Funny isn't it?

So I am now reacquainted with my family and wonder why it took a lifetime. I remember them all and funnily enough they all seemed to be as I recall them, only we are all grown up. All older and some wiser as well. Perhaps it can be the start of new relationships, I'd like to think so anyway.

Death in the family

My dad died over Easter, he was 80 and had been ill since Christmas but wouldn't let anyone tell me so i didn't know. The first thing I knew of it was when my aunt phoned to say he was dead. I was cross with him because he didn't give me a chance to say the things I wanted to, but perhaps he didn't need to hear them, he probably knew already. His main motive was that he thought I had enough to cope with and on reflection he was probably right. If I had known I would have been visiting as much as possible but that would have been a 600 mile round trip, he knew it would be hard going on me I suppose, and decided not to have me go through it. Also when you know someone has limited time, life becomes hard and edgy as you wait for the dreaded phone call, perhaps death is generally harder for that. My mum says its not about the dying, but its the leaving of everyone you know and love so much and I know shes right because I look at my children and know leaving is the hardest thing any of us will do. So maybe it was easier for him to go this way. No goodbye's or sad farewells, no emotional outbursts,  no tears, just an Au revoir and see you later.

Every Eight Hours......

May 20th sees Spinal Cord Injury Awareness day, so Im sharing this useful website set up to tell you some of the things I already havent....perhaps. Every 8 hours someone gets an injury, be it from driving like a maniac, getting into a friday night pub fight or just slipping down the stairs going to make tea. It can be violent or innocuous, but it will have an effect on everyones lives forever. Please take a look and support it if you feel like it. You can even get your very own Twibbon!
http://www.everyeighthours.com/about-spinal-cord-injury

The CG lock

I have this wonderful little gadget that I use when driving. Its called a CG lock, costs about £40 and attaches to my seat belt in 5 minutes. Its a wonderful piece of kit that works by securing the lap part of your seat belt across your pelvis so you cant move. It basically anchors your bum to the back of your seat and stops that horrible slip forward you get when driving. Next time you are out, see if you can slip your hand between your bum and the back of the seat. you know what I mean. The CG lock was designed for performance in mind but for someone like me who finds it quite difficult to sit upright for a while without extra help the CG lock is a fantastic piece of equipment, meaning I can drive for a lot longer that I would have otherwise. Id really recommend them to anyone who does those extra miles. buy one becasue you wont regret it.

Spasms, never a girls best friend.

For the last few months Ive been waking up the awful back spasms. Misconceptions are that once you have a spinal injury you feel nothing, if only it were true. Essentially its like having a horrible neurological short circuit with sparks flying round your body. The trouble is the sparks all end up in the wrong place, causing all kinds of difficulties. Some people are just tortured by spasms all over their body, its painful and there is no respite for them. Life becomes an exercise in strapping bits down so you don't just fly off somewhere., \Ive been fortunate enough not to really suffer this until recently, now i have this utterly painful back arching spasm most mornings. Honestly I feel like I'm about to snap clean in too, and I guess it lasts 5 or 10 minutes. I'm really thinking I need to head off for a major medical overhaul, the troubles is that with small boys time is never my friend, certainly not at the moment, but with half term only a few weeks away I could probably fit it in then. Just need to hold on til then.

To be honest the last few months have seen me forever chasing my tail in efforts to keep up with the demands of life. The kids were ill, now they are all off to different schools at different times, meaning I'm doing an endless taxi service throughout the day. My dad died unexpectedly, and so Ive spent quite a bit of time tooing and froing from the midlands. My husband is working more, I'm home alone more and life is sort of taking its toll a bit on me. By the time 9pm comes round I just want to skulk off to bed. Adding to that, Ive been suffering a bit since Christmas and yes I know I should go to the Dr but  its all time, time, time. There are not enough hours in the day.