Sunday, January 14

Uncomfortably Numb

I find the reality of loss of sensation quite difficult to deal with to be truthful. Its hard to describe unless you have experienced it, but you know when you have been asleep with your arm above your head too long? Well your arm goes numb and floppy, I suppose its sort of like that, only half of me feels like that all the time. I have this thing when I sit in the bath of pinching myself just to be sure. I start around my belly button and work down pinching as hard as I can all over. Perhaps its not a great idea but no damage has been done so far. The thing is I cant quite believe it, well I can but I cant. Its a funny thing because if you are not careful you start too think you can feel something when you cant, I guess your brain likes to play tricks. I have realised however that I do have feeling around my knees about 2 inches all round. Not sure if this has any practical application though, in fact I didn't notice until I realised Id said 'OW' a couple of times when Id bumped myself!!
The saddest thing though is loss of intimacy. This is quite delicate thing to talk about so I'm hopping round the subject a bit. What I mean is, when you really love someone, you want to share emotional, spiritual and physical intimacies, and now its all changed, certainly the physical aspect anyway. That's not to say that we er... don't do anything..... because hey I'm pregnant and its not to my knowledge an immaculate conception. But I'm often very sad because I cant feel the physical aspect our love, and if I could wish for just one thing I think it would be that, because passion is a wonderful thing when shared with the love of your life.

1 comment:

  1. I can totally relate to the loss of sensation issues. It's difficult to accept that the sensation loss isn't just temporary since the limbs are there - so pinching them makes sense (I've done similar things myself although I can't pinch as a quad, I do a bit of an elbow slap - and nothing). The loss of intimacy is hard. I've had boyfriends who get all cheery and says there are other ways - oh what fun to try and find a spot you can feel but - it is a loss.