Kitchen Fever

The last week has been mayhem! At last after months of planning our new kitchen started to take shape. Designed with me in mind its going to be terrific , the only problem being that while it was being done I was pretty much a prisoner in my own home or out of it. Either way I couldn't get out the house and if I did manage it no way was I going to get back in. The kitchen is our primary way into the house and while there is a back door its pretty much impossible with out several Sherpas to get me up the step or 2, over the grass, down a step and over the bump, and through the door. Not to be recommended. The team of builders responsible for installing the whole thing took over the whole garden, patio and kitchen, we were going stir crazy and the chances of negotiating through the mayhem and making it safely to the car were slim. lets just say that since Thursday this is the first quiet day and we are loving it. the kitchen has basically taken shape with all the units ow in place. We have been able to put the food back in and start living like normal people. The builder will be back on Monday but I'm hopeful the worst is over.

Driving mad!

Image via Wikipedia

Any one who has followed this blog for a while might have realised that I change my car more often than most people change their socks. if I'm honest my excuse is that I like cars, a lot, and having certain needs these days means that I'm more fussy than I used to be. So I can now tell you that I have bought a ford Transit minibus, which might be excessive but given that we will soon be carrying 4 children 3 dogs 2 adults, a wheelchair and a double buggy, plus at any given time the possibility of a grandparent or 2 and you will see that space is of absolute importance! Ive spent that last few months dropping by various car dealers to inspect their 7 seater people carriers, and without exception that's all they do, carry people. There's no room for any type of luggage so that was the end of that.

I do my research thoroughly and after several reads of Honest Johns website and Parker's Used Car Guide decided the course of action. As luck would have it within a week or 2 ,up popped a suitable vehicle. Certainly its not particularly comfy, drives a bit like a tractor, is quite tatty inside but was previously owned by a Police Force. The boys love it, I dont have to worry about dirt, dog hair or food, it all brushes out, and there is bags of room. So if you see a red minibus heading your way, it might just be us!

Zemanta

Ok here goes, Im trying out a new application from Zemanta, which is supposed to make the blog bigger, better, bolder, and brighter. And so on. So Im hoping for great things!

Tendon Problems

Over the last couple of years I have had increasing problems with the Achilles tendons in my ankles. Despite regular stretching on a daily basis, exercises and physio, they are slowly getting tighter and tighter, more and more painful and causing me to have something called foot drop whereby I can no longer put my heels onto the footplate of my chair. In the long term i.e next year, something has got to be done about it if only as a form of pain relief. At the moment I'm at the point where I can't bear to have my feet touching the bed and have to have my legs propped up in the air to relieve the pressure on my tendons. Its actually quite unpleasant and various methods of pain relief haven't worked at all. I had a conversation with a surgeon a while back who offered me surgery. At the time I thought I knew best, 'Oh no not for me', Ive always been adamant but I'm getting to the point whereby the options might seem radical to you ,but should allow me some respite. So as it stands at this moment in time I could have my ankles fused, or my Achilles tendons chopped. Neither sound too appealing but I suppose from my point of view as Ive long given up hopes of walking Hadrians Wall its not such a bad thing. Still we shall see, but at the moment I'm going to have to put up with the pain for at least another 5 months. This I could do without.

Everyday things

Every day I think to myself, 'I must find time to add something to the blog'. As usual I have loads if ideas buzzing round my head and think it would be such a good idea if I were to jot a few down. The day flies by, I'm an Uber busy mother unfortunately, the 2 yr old spends hours demanding my attention which can be trying even though its lovely at the same time. The 5 year old has turned into a stroppy teenager already. The dog is elderly and doddery, walks into everything constantly and then keeps woofing to go out. My washing is endless, I spend eternity wandering around supermarkets, for they are the only places I ever seem to visit these days. By the time midnight approaches, I have tidied up, my husband wandered off to bed, made the following days lunch box, let the dog out again, fed the baby , and finally sat down, to be honest my brain has gone into some kind of automatic sleep state. Yes, I must admit that with an average of 4 hours sleep I am utterly worn out. At the moment there seems no end to it, which in itself is rather depressing.

Doctors huh?

I'm supposed to be having the next baby in Carlisle, assuming I get there in time that is! So last week I went for a scan and then to my surprise as no one had told me I had a follow up appt with the registrar. So she said the consultant wants to know what we can do to help you....? Hmm thats quite difficult as I'm on number 4 and so far they tend to pop out pretty quickly, but I did say, DON'T put me on my back... so you are OK on your side then she replied? NO, not at all ,its agony, just dont do it I said. What is it with doctors? I have had 3 totally uncomplicated births, infact its one of the few things I seem to be any good at, and the medical profession want you pinned onto a bed with your legs in the air. We all know that's the worst place to be so why do they do it? My guess is that its control thing, I mean no one wants a ward full of women wandering around in labour do they? Well maybe I could either have a water birth or maybe someone would for once give me an epidural? Main problem being that it might never wear off, which come to think of it might not be too bad a thing after all.

And so after several weeks I am hopefully back to blogging normality. My hope for the rest of the year is to have a quiet life. Uneventful, even boring. Somehow I don't suspect that is going to happen. Every week my calender fills up with appointments and I don't know how. I mean they are usually people wanting to see me not the other way around. As it is I never get to go where I want to at the moment. Life is like that I suppose

Busy Busy

Life has been soooooo hectic I haven't had chance to post anything for a few weeks. My husband is currently in Israel enjoying himself. I am at home alone with the boys. My mother is here but she is in bed with an attack of gout so I'm looking after her as well. Life isn't great this week, I am rushed 'off my feet' and haven't had a break for a week. Haven't actually got out the house since Friday either. Its been a really dull half term and I long for something exciting. I mean I could REALLY do with a holiday but this year that's not on the agenda, so I'm trying to be Pollyanna and being super cheerful. I don't feel it one jot. My husband returns Thursday morning, I shall be so glad to see him as absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Loos.... Yeughhhh!!!

I had to, and I mean HAD TO use the disabled loo at ASDA last week and my goodness it was a disgusting experience. Now I'm not moaning at Asda, I'm having a go at the people who use the facilities. I want to know why people use disabled loos and then leave them in a really gross state??? Acceptable is it? Either they are full to overflowing, because hey, if you are disabled you cant possibly know how to use the flush, or they end up peeing all over the floor and I have to roll through it. Perhaps its able bodied people using them, who knows, Im past caring who the culprits are, just flush the bloody thing and leave it decent for the next person.

For some reason I don't recall ordinary ladies loos being quite as bad as this, so why do people do it with disabled loos? Are their own lavatories as vile at home? Somehow I think not. The offending loo in ASDA smelt so bad I almost thew up, the stench was overpowering. Why, why, why, leave it? As you can guess this makes me absolutely furious, if I ever ever came across anyone who left toilets like this, Id end up slapping them until they begged for mercy.

Life is sort of quiet, so that may be a good thng, its the reason I havent blogged much. Its not that Im not busy, Im actually overflowing with domestic stuff, but nothing much is happening at the moment, life chugs on and I suppose thats something to be enjoyed.

Bah!

April was a horrible month and that's the reason I haven't blogged much. We've had bill after bill, and everything that could break down has. Added to that severe financial crisis as expected money has not arrived and I'm just a tad stressed. My head of course tells me that it will all work out, and logically I know it well, but my heart is doing a screaming headless chicken act.

Mañana, mañana

Sometimes I'm really hopeless as a cripple, I mean Ive been rolling round the house in my indoor chair for months and months with a flat tyre. Its not that I don't know how to change a tyre and mend a puncture, if I'm really honest I cant be bothered. Sure its a bit annoying at times, But I really cant get round to sitting on the floor and then spending endless time grappling with the wheel. getting the thing on is pretty straightforward as I have a wonderful gadget called the SpeedLever, it works every time, but getting the whole thing on is always a struggle no matter what. So you can see everyday I think to myself 'I must fix this, I'll do it tomorrow' only tomorrow hasn't come yet. Lazy aren't I?

An Announcement

I haven't written much in the last few weeks because to be honest I haven't had much to say. Life has been pretty much endless bed, washing children, bed, washing, cooking, driving children and so on and so on. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it doesn't exactly make for great reading. Anyway I thought it was about time to make my BIG announcement. OK now are you sitting down.... because hey guess what Im pregnant!!!. Hmmm haven't we done all this before, isn't there at least a sense on deja vue perhaps? I admit rather sheepishly that if you look back to my beginning of the year posting, having a baby was definitely not on the schedule for 2009, only it is now. I know you must be wondering 'what were we thinking?' Our families certainly are, but as Ive found out over the years life never turns out how you expect. Ive learnt to take it all with a smile, embrace everything that comes my way and even look forward to it. So Hersh mini-minimus is due at the end of October and we are all looking forward to his/her arrival very much.

Not that Bad

Just lately people have been saying a lot of things to me, well maybe I'm just remembering them more, but yesterday a friend said to me, 'Of course you never expected to end up in a wheelchair did you?' 'Not perhaps one of life's aspirations' I replied, but then I thought, actually its not that bad, not that bad at all. The way she said it was as if it was the worse thing she could ever ever think of happening, and I suppose I resent that a bit. I resent her thinking that my life must be terrible because a lot of the time, certainly in general day to day activities, I don't really give it much thought. Maybe she sees me as just the sum of the wheels or something like that. Of course I rant and moan about access, and still feel quite self conscious at times, but in the day to day business of real life I really don't think about it at all. I just felt rather annoyed that this was her perception, that my life is so bad, because that couldn't be further from the truth.

Push til you're muscle bound....

....Well I have, and that's now a problem. I'm the first to admit Ive never been a size 10 but over the last few years Ive lost quite a bit of weight, dropped about 4 dress sizes, and don't eat very much at all. Pain is quite an appetite killer to be honest. Anyway someone I know (NOT a friend I might add!!) said to me recently, "Looks like you're getting quite a pair of shoulders there... ha ha".... Bloody Ha! Yes I know, I'm very conscious Of my Popeyesqe shoulders and bulging triceps, biceps and deltoids. Its become a problem in as much as I find women's blouses very difficult to wear, I mean I cant actually find many that fit anymore. Obviously given that I spend my days pushing myself about, plus I'm lifting children up and down and up and down for hours at a time, I'm probably doing the equivalent of several hours weight training a day. Its one of those things that makes you realise just how little control we have over our bodies sometimes. There seems to be no way I can avoid this and it doesn't exactly do a lot for the 'feminine' me. Now that someone has actually commented I feel even more aware of my 'fat' arms. Its one of those little remarks that is just niggling away under my skin. Thanks a lot for those words of reassurance that have done absolutely nothing for my self esteem.

A little Poise

A friend of mine said recently, You know you handle all this with such aplomb. Good word huh? Aplomb.... I like it, and havent heard it used in an age. So I thought Id look it up just to check I understood the context in which he was using it....

Aplomb.

noun.
imperturbable self-possession, poise, or assurance.

Synonyms: composure, equanimity, imperturbability.

Well well, I like it even more, what a great use of a word. Thats me for sure, someone who does things with a certain style and yes hadnt you noticed my assurance composure and imperturbability? Ok well maybe not but I do like the fact that I give this impression, because actually Im sort of getting my head round the whole thing, lightening up and enjoying life, 'cos you know what, its too short not to isnt it

Shhhhhh, not a Sound.

I have a scret that I rarely share with anyone, so guess what, todays your lucky day!

During my early childhood I suffered with endless ear infections, notched up multiple visits to various ENT specialists, and when I was 11 went profoundly deaf for a year. School was a nightmare as I was deaf, just started wearing glasses as well, and was fat and spotty as I entered puberty. So you could say perhaps not the best time of my life and also it may account for my hidden lack of confidence at times. Anyway thanks to surgery my hearing came back within a year and seemed to be back to normal.

Roll forward 10 years later and I asked my mother when she listened to silence could she really hear absolutely nothing, what was silence like? I asked this question because it had taken me the best part of a decade to realise that I have an irritating background noise in my head, but I thought that everyone had this! So I live my life with a constant shhhhhh sound and sometimes a high pitched squeal as well, which really is irritating. Most of the time the general hubbub of life means its not too intrusive, the worse time being in bed at midnight when all you can hear is a load of white noise. So you can imagine my total delight when 6 months ago my husband presented me with an MP3 player. To be honest it is a gift that is heaven sent as my sleeping is transformed. Now I nod off plugged into all sorts of music from classical to rock to folk, to swing. But No Opera! So whats the most played music on my Mp3 player.....?

1. The Turn of a Friendly Card Alan Parsons Project
2. All of my Heart ABC
3. Galadriel Annebjorg Lien
4. When All is Said and Done ABBA
5. The Water Lily Annebjorg Lien
6. Les Bobos Renaud
7. Water Music Handel
8. Get it right next time Gerry Rafferty
9. Great Balls of Fire Jerry Lee Lewis
10. Part of the Union Strawbs
11. Chocolat Original Soundtrack
12. Softly as I leave You Matt Monroe
13. Meet me on the Corner Lindisfarne
14. Daydream Believer The Monkees
15. Are you Ready for Love? Elton John
16. Sweet Home Alabama Lynard Skynard
17. Sense Lightening Seeds
18. Parklife Blur
19. Dives and Lazerus Vaughan Williams
20. La Mer Charles Trenet

A fairly varied mix I would hope.

Belief

I have a Friend who told me he believes in G-d because he chooses to. I thought this was interesting in that rather than have a sudden conversion he had studied it, thought about it and then made a rational positive choice to believe rather than not to. The reasons he gave me were numerous, but I was taken by the very act of a positive belief rather than a negative. Too often we hear I don't believe in.... I cant.... I wont.... its not too often we hear of a genuinely positive action. Its a bit like you only hear bad news stories from day to day, never the amazingly good stories that happen all over the world. I also think a positive choice is in fact a more difficult one. You actually have to work at keeping that choice going as opposed to a negative thought which requires little maintenance. Its with this thought that I too, try to make positive choices. My friends words struck such a chord in me I often catch myself using the vary phrase he did. I do try but I fear, often fail to be positive about my life and prospects, I make a choice to see some good in the world and yes I too make a positive choice about my personal beliefs. But its never easy, and anyone who tells you such is either lying or misguided, you really have to work day in day out to keep positivity going, the half full bucket could all to easily become half empty but if I have my way, not in my lifetime.

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.
William JamesUS Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist (1842 - 1910)

No Rod,No Staff and very little Comfort

You know how it feels when you snuggle down and think Oooo thats soooooo comfy... lovely isn't it? So imagine a life of never being comfortable, and I mean never ever ever. That's my fate. Never again will I have that comfy cosiness on the sofa or in a big armchair, for destiny has decreed that I will at best always feel as if I'm sitting on a big bag of sharp stones. I spend every night fidgeting around the bed, legs up, down, pillow, extra pillows, on my front, back, side. No matter what position I'm in, I'm never ever comfortable. The same is true for sitting, although I have some great cushions, a gel one and an air one, again, I'm never quite comfy. I am infact sad to say it almost used to living with the discomfort of life. However sometimes, just occassionally, Id sell my soul to the devil just to have a nice cosy, comfy evening.

Not to have felt pain is not to have been human...

...but I wouldnt mind living without it. Seriously my back is absolutely killing me and Ive had it for 3 days now and its starting to send me a bit bonkers as a result. Last night I felt too ill to feed the baby so my husband had to do it, and I didn't get up til about 10.30 this morning because I physically couldn't, and also Id slept so badly I feel shattered. I haven't had pain like this for ages, plus I spent the night sweating horribly even though its February and we don't have the heating on at night, so you sort of get the picture of my current state. This morning I succumbed and started foraging around for some really good pain killers, but to be honest Ive never found anything very effective. OK that's not quite true, my doctor gave me amytriptiline a couple of years ago which although primarily an antidepressant, is also really good for pain. However I would take one before bed at night, sleep really well and then be totally comatose the following morning. So I had to stop taking it as I couldn't really function half asleep despite having some decent pain management. From there onwards its been all downhill, and since I was pregnant in 2007/8 I got used to a life without medication, but after only 3 days of total misery I'm thinking of crawling back to my GP and begging for something to make me feel life is worth carrying on. To be truthful its rare I'm like this, I guess Ive developed pretty good pain strategies that usually work, but right now they don't and I'm feeling quite grumpy as a result.

Pontins

No.Dont.even.think.about.going.there. I mean it was cheap and served the purpose but that's all I can say to be honest. As soon as we arrived I sniffed problems, 'park on the grass verge and go to reception we were told'. Hmmm I don't think so, disabled parking? No didn't have any as such, well it was miles away from anywhere which was a bit pointless. So I queued up only to be told that I had to go into the ballroom, where I got our key. We finally found to our 'chalet' after driving round in circles for 20 mins, the access was really rubbish. When I booked they said they didn't have any accessible places left ( probably dont have any truth be told)but said that by having a ground floor one that would be OK. Indeed it was, only they had forgotten about the 5 inch step and patio door rail to get over, plus the lack of any dropped kerb so I had to go over the wet grass every time I went in and out. Once inside there was no cot, and no electricity. Dan then trooped back to the reception to start the whole thing all over again, eventually lugging back the cot and carrying some electricity card. I mean they tell you nothing when you arrive. It took us 2 hours to sort this out, and then we found 2 of the 4 heaters weren't working so this time I went to report it. By 8pm a man was replacing them and apologising. Centerparcs it wasn't. The floor was sticky and the accommodation cold. Facilities were generally run down and access poor, the swimming pool was pretty much standing room only and the changing area hadn't had any money spent on it since 1973 by the look of it. Now actually I really didn't care, if I had paid full whack Id have been furious, but as it was I shrugged my shoulders and the boys were oblivious to it all. It was just a place to sleep in my mind. But no I can say in all honesty, wild horse would not drag me back again, it is and will always be my only experience of the British holiday camp!

Wychwood Park

We are returned after a jolly good week generally speaking. So here goes, part 1 of the holiday report. As Somerset is about 300 miles away I decided to stay about halfway overnight in a hotel that I booked on the net near Crewe of all places. It looked nice and was near the motorway. The hotel in question was Wychwood Park, part of the De Vere chain, Although it looked pretty new, upon arrival I was informed that the lift was broken and my room had been moved down stairs. I also found the shower didn't work and there was no TV remote control. Frankly I didn't want to complain as I was more interested in sleeping well, and I did, it was very comfortable, nice and accessible and being Valentines day we actually got to have a meal without the boys for the first time in at least 5 years, maybe more! So I was happy. I was even happier when the following morning they chose not to charge me for the room because of the problems Id had. That was a really good gesture, excellent customer service and has ensured that we will chose to stay there again as a result. Wychwood Park, a very comfortable place to stay, and professional staff as well!

So long.........

...and farewell, but not for long.... We are out and about touring the length of the country visiting friends and family until next w/e. Will be fun, but think of me over the week as I rack up another 1000 miles. Talk about carbon footprint, mine must be about the size of an Elephant! Catch you when Im back with lots of things to talk about, Im sure. Cheers and thanks for reading once again!

25 Random things about me

A while back I was 'tagged' by a friend to reveal some random things. Well at the time I never got round to it, so better late than never heres 25 randomish things about me.....

1. Daffodils are my favourite flowers.
2. I did 5 years studying Dutch as a sideline at Uni.
3. I met my husband at a seder.
4. I have had dogs all my life.
5. I have only 3 points on my driving licence.
6. I have been arrested once.
7. I love eggs.
8. I cant bear opera.
9. I wanted to be a vet when I was growing up.
10. My grandfather played Rugby for Wales.
11. Im interested in everything ( well mostly)
12. I have no addictions, never did and cant think of any vices either!
13. I buy far too many shoes for what good it does me.
14. I am religiously unorthodox.
15. I am always right and my husband knows this apart from when Im wrong.
16. I love driving which is a good job.
17. I am too idealistic and get too upset at injustice.
18. I would like more children probably.
19. Im very shy really.
20. I was a fishmonger when I was at Uni, so Im good with a knife!
21. I am intolerant and beligerant at my worst.
22. At my best Im caring and witty.
23. Im very loyal and never forget a friendship.
24. T10.
25. My husband was and remains the only one for me.

all fairly random-ish

Bluff and Double Bluff

Its no good Id better come clean, I'm a complete and utter charlatan! What you see is not what you get, well not what I get anyway. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me thinks I'm confident, forthright, intelligent, wonderful and marvelous, I know coz I'm told over and over again, but inside I'm dying a thousand deaths every time I have to do something that is vaguely public. My confidence is all but zero so I just go through pretending I'm this calm wonderful person while really hoping I'm going to vanish from sight. For some reason Ive become almost hypersensitive about myself, I'm super self conscious and my feeling of self worth is very low. And its starting to show. Since my first son was born Ive worked for about 10 months. Admittedly I wasn't always available for work but in that time since I've had no offers of work whatsoever. I get interviews, and I know I usually interview well, I'm educated, well spoken, articulate, and super conscientious and yet when it comes to the bit.... Please give a 10 minute talk on XYZ, Powerpoint is available.... I fall apart. That's it, interview over I have failed yet again. And yet I didn't used to be like this. I have exams in public speaking, chat to me and you would never think I'm such a disaster, but I start to stutter, I mumble, I forget my facts and I'm as boring as hell. I'm so conscious of myself its becoming an issue and I'm not sure how to overcome it. Its the staticness of it all that doesnt help, I'm just sitting and being dull. Movement during a talk is a great distraction and can also add a lot, its something I don't have and I really don't know how to go about injecting some fluidity into my presentations. Maybe I need counselling....seriously? Certainly I'm starting to dread applying for things because I know I'm going to have to give a talk, or maybe i should avoid it by selling myself short. I don't know, but it makes me feel sick even thinking about it, I feel so bloody stupid.