Monday, February 20
Stop the clocks, its 2012.
I haven't blogged for a while, just over 2 months to be honest. It was kind of deliberate, as I have been feeling a bit low and didn't want to appear to be a moaning, whining, self pitying old sod, but I suppose I am, just a little bit. I am fed up, fed up with being disabled and unable to do stuff I used to. I feel like a shadow of myself which a fairly good description to anyone who used to know me. I look tired because I am. I don't sleep that well any more, and I have quite lot of pain. Its not terrible agonising pain but an endless, day in day out, background pain that never goes away. I have continued to have quite severe tendon problems in my right arm and my left isn't great either. I can now no longer brush my teeth, write my name, tear, chop, slice things. I cant lift anything including a mug of tea and to be blunt I can barely manage my own toilet needs anymore. Its fairly grim but I'm trying to keep cheerful. I suppose you could say I'm upbeat if fucking frustrated. I feel like I'm heading back to the early days when you have to learn everything again. This time I'm learning how not to do things I suppose. My fine motor skills may be fairly crap but at least I can drive. It uses a whole different set of muscles and the top half of your body, which I don't think you have ever thought about before. Unfortunately the treatment options are few. I can try resting my whole arm. it may or may not help but isn't going to happen. I could have steroid injections which again may or may not help pain, but wont improve function. That's a definite NO, or as My Dr suggested, we could try a tendon transfer operation. I'm going to have to think about that one for quite a long time. That's one of those things that if it works would be really great but if it went wrong would be catastrophic. 2012 may be an Olympic year for some but I'm planning a quite year ahead, and I'm not planning on making any decisions on that for a while yet.