Saturday, August 11
Swivel and Turn
Today I am a shadow on the wall, a whisper in the trees, a sigh in your sleep.
I have no form or substance,
I am not me.
I am unreal.
So enough of the poetic analogies, much as I like to write such verse it only goes so far in describing how I feel. At the moment I'm feeling not the best. Physically my back is pretty grim, its painful, its cold, it tingles and crunches. I'm not sure if it really does crunch, its just a sensation I get. My skin is hypersensitive to any touch. I'm finding any kind of turning movement very difficult. Normal everyday activities are just that bit more taxing. Every morning I start the day by lying in bed for sometime listening to the radio while my husband nags me to get up. What I'm really doing is thinking 'can I get up?'. Can I roll over enough and get enough momentum going to get out of bed, that's why I'm really taking my time. Getting me out of bed isn't his strong point to be truthful and its usually better if I do it myself.... don't do that I shout . Its not the best way to start the day.
The other thing that I find equally as uncomfortable is getting out the car. Its that swivelling round you have to do when you get in and out that does it for me. I sort of grit my teeth and go 'uuurrgghh as I do it.... So lady like. I also spend time sitting in supermarket car parks looking suspicious. Like I said I'm really trying to summon up enough energy to swing into action. Its not great.
So that's why I'm feeling so fragile. it wears me away, it really does.