Monday, June 14
Cant be Arsed
So Ive taken a few months off from blogging to the world you may have notice, my reasons mostly amount to the fact I just couldn't be arsed with it. Of course the reasons are deeper than that and it wasn't just about me being a lazy bugger. No to be honest I haven't been overly well for the last few months and Ive simply taken every opportunity available to get a quick snooze in. The ailments seem disparate and endless, I'm sick of myself and tired of illness dwelling in my thoughts. I'm fed up with having to slightly justify to myself why I need to lie down even though the house seems to be in chaos and as I said before I just cant be arsed to do anything about it. Like a sinking ship I'm gazing all around but cant actually do anything to rectify the situation.
Since Christmas Ive been complaining to my husband 'my feet are killing me' and indeed they are as we finally discovered bilateral tumours in the arches of both my feet. These are fibrous in nature, the size of medium pebbles and press down into every shoe I wear. So yes my feet are bloody killing me and the sooner its all chopped out the better. However this is fairly radical surgery as it involves the removal of the plantar fascia muscle and surrounding debris, so the phrase you will never walk again rings true. If I could barely do it before I certainly wont be doing it with half of my soles missing.
Adding insult to injury Ive had a trapped nerve in my shoulder somewhere. While it sounds trivial Ive had pain running down into my elbows and hands , a combined tennis and golfers elbow syndrome and also running up into my jaw which is just murder. Am I gritting my teeth with a smile or clenching in agony? Either way its hard to say which is the most painful.
'Give me something that works' I beg my GP, my sleep has been ruined and it wears me away during the day. So now I'm taking a cocktail of pain killers including tramadol. Most unlike me, but it does give some relief, however the pain has pretty much turned me into the bad tempered bitch from hell. Pain does that, its so bloody endless, I'm going to spend the next 50 years dealing with it which isn't really a happy thought.