Sunday, March 19

The Anatomy of Pain

I was listening to a discussion on euthenasia the other day, and speaking was a consultant in pallitive care. He made the statement that no one needs to suffer severe pain in 2006 and that the argument used by many supporters of planned suicide, that someones pain was too great to cope with was totally wrong. Hmmmmmmm, Im sure he has absolutely no personal experience of just what pain can do to you, the theories are all wonderful but the practicalities so much more sobering.
Speaking for myself I have pain 24/7 all day every day, it never goes away, its more a question of how severe it is. How I cope with it if I do. Think of pain, think of a colour. Red quite often is the main colour in your head, red and hot. My pain is white and cold, very cold. Thats how neurological pain differs. You are getting so many different neurological signals bouncing around your body , but they are going to the wrong place giving the wrong instruction. So for me its this cold white intense pain that starts at the base of my spine, runs upward and then comes out through my pelvis. The intensity varies. Sometimes it is so bad I cant speak and have to lie down, and hope it will go away at some point. Its the worst part of my life. The thing with pain is that it comes along and robs you of everything good about yourself. I have no hesitation in saying that it has at times turned me into a real bitch. It takes your humour, your personality, your patience and good grace. For me it is as if someone has taken my very soul. So what can be done? Frankly I have tried so many different medications there isnt much left. Most dont help at all, and a few ease it a bit. My consultant was very honest in that he thought nothing was going to be of great use, Gabapentin is a drug widly used for neurological pain relief, it has proven for me to help the bad times at least. Otherwise looks like I shall be sent off on a pain management course. I have no idea what this involves but I suspect its to do with deep breathing, aromatherapy and positive thinking. Think I do that already!

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