Tuesday, September 5
B and B
If I had the choice of walking or total control over my bodily functions back Id choose the latter. Not walking isnt a big deal in the broader picture of life, wetting yourself is. Last week I was talking on the phone for half an hour, after Id finished I looked down and thought Oh bugger Im wet, infact Id wet myself. Whats more disconcerting for me is not the fact that Id done that but that I had no inkling of feeling it was happening. Thats quite depressing to be honest. Later that day my bowels decided twice to act unitarily, which means I changed my underwear 3 times that day. Fortunatly it happened at home and not at work which I think I would have found hard to handle actually. I mean what do you say to your colleagues? I wish we were in a world where we could be so much more honest than we are. I admit that Im sort of fortunate in that my work colleagues are very nosey and ask me all sorts of personal questions which I dont mind usually, I think its an education for them and also for me as well. The more I talk about these things the less of an issue it becomes, in theory anyway. I wish there was a way of dealing with this in a more dignified manner but I really feel robbed of that, Dignity I mean. I also feel robbed of any control in my life, medically speaking that is. As a conseuence I may start to refuse some options of treament. To my mind these are not options as such, as there is no wonder cure out there, but more an unwillingness of the the medical profession to admit they cant do anymore. In with the social model and out with the medical model I suppose, she says gritting her teeth.