Monday, August 20
When I'm out, I find I do a lot of window shopping, but I'm not really looking at the items on display I'm really looking at me. A lot of the time I don't like what I see and other times I cant believe what I see. My brain cant match the expectation with the reality somehow, and I always have that small frisson on seeing my reflection that says f***, this isn't supposed to be how it is. Other times I look very hard at myself because I'm trying to see me as others do, I'm trying to get the measure of how I appear to the world at large. I don't think it works though, but it hasn't stopped me trying to get the real imprint onto my brain as opposed to having the remembered one pop up all the time. I still find it a bit shocking when I catch myself flying past the shops, so I try not to look too hard if I can help it, it isn't really Me.