Pollyanna

Wikipedia says........."Pollyanna tells the story of Pollyanna Whittier, a young girl who goes to live with her wealthy Aunt Polly after her father's death. Pollyanna's philosophy of life centers on what she calls "The Glad Game": she always tries to find something to be glad about in every situation, and to always do without delay whatever she thinks is right. With this philosophy, and her own sunny personality, she brings so much gladness to her aunt's dispirited town that she transforms it into a pleasant, healthy place to live. Eventually, however, even Pollyanna's robust optimism is put to the test when she loses the use of her legs in an accident."

Well that just about sums me up, I'm bloody Pollyanna. Oh yes that's right I'm so wonderful & positive & cheerful & inspiring & fantastic & marvellous & energetic & optimistic and every other superlative you can think of. Only of course I'm not. I give a great impression of being cheerful and witty but the reality is that at times my soul seems as black as the Prince of Darkness.I'm often a bad tempered bitch who is a misery to be with and my own worst enemy. I have spent the last 3 weeks crying. I have cried in every room in the house, in the bath, in bed, in the car, on the phone and on my own. I have felt exactly as I did 2 years ago, as if my life has run through my fingers like sand, all my hopes evaporated. My dreams vanished. I feel like I have a ton weight strapped to me throughout life and I'm very tired of dragging it along with everything I try to do. Ploughing your own furrow constantly in life is draining and dispiriting and I find myself crying to any God that might exist just to make me ordinary and normal and like everyone else.