Sunday, October 15
Ive been such a bitch this weekend I'm utterly ashamed of myself. Ive given my husband hell and he is the last person who deserves it. I don't know whats wrong with me, well I suppose I do , but its still no excuse to be so horrible to the one who loves you the most. At the moment I'm suffering a lot with pain, and it is on the suffering scale. I don't like to make myself out to be a martyr but its so sharp Ive had to sit in hot baths for an hour to ease it down a bit. Basically I feel as if someone has thrust a pair of scissors up my anus. And I never thought Id have anything in common with Edward II. Its such a sharp pain its making me stop in mid sentence which draws attention to my discomfort even more. My groin hurts me similarly. So while I'm not proffering excuses there are reasons for me being a bad tempered cow. The other thing is that my job is ending at Christmas and I'm down about it. I'm sad to go because I will miss the human contact bitterly. Its not the money after all, but Ive met some good people and it will be hard to say goodbye. Ive always been horribly sentimental at saying goodbye to anyone, so I'm bound to be tearful on my last day. The best thing would be for me to slip away, but I suspect that wont happen. So after Christmas I can sit at home and be a depressed cripple in the middle of winter.