Tuesday, June 12
At the moment I feel as if I have a flashing light on top of my head that's just shouting out 'look at me'. I feel very conspicuous when I'm out with Isak, very self conscious, and even though I give a really good impression of being confident and outgoing I don't feel it. Its a good pretence. I've become very aware at just how many times people look at me. I mean its bad enough being in a chair although I don't think people tend to stare so much these days, but cripply woman with baby? Oh well there's an oddity. I feel very much as if I'm being stared at a lot, and you know what? I am, I don't just feel it, people are looking. Whats more worrying is that not only do people have a long good look at us while we are out, they are then compelled to talk to me. Complete strangers striking up long conversations. To be honest people do this at the best of times, and although it may be new baby syndrome, I havent seen it happening to other mothers, no, its down to me, my chair and a cute baby carrier. If you are disabled you will know what I mean. Remember those first times you went out on your own, remember those times when you first saw yourself in shop windows and thought is that really me? That's how I feel now, I'm a bit surprised at seeing me and Isak rolling along the street. It will pass, these things always do.