Monday, December 17

Vanity, the Quicksand of Reason

My life has been less complicated by a certain lack of vanity on my part..... she says vainly. Well what I mean is that I'm not that interested in myself despite writing all this, and I don't think I'm a particularly fascinating or attractive person. Although my husband disagrees violently I don't think I'm a great beauty and having had a fat, spotty, bespectacled childhood I think I'm probably right on this one. So now that I'm all this, plus sitting down rather a lot these days, it just sort of adds to my lack of vanity. Perhaps because I have lower expectations of myself in this area and certainly have certain expectations from other people in regards to their reactions towards me, has maybe made acceptance of my disability a bit more straightforward. I wouldn't say easier because this life is not easy, but not being the prettiest in the class maybe makes this a bit less complicated than it might have been and I feel I have a certain amount of resilience born of being out with the in crowd most of my life. Although the me that looks out from the mirror isn't always what I expect, it isn't that far removed from the me of a few years ago, which couldn't be said if Id been a stunning beauty.
Or maybe I'm just being vain and talking rubbish? Its a thought anyway.

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