Saturday, January 3
People think that once you've been disabled for a while you get used to it. Well, only sort of. To be honest I find it gets worse as time progresses. Initially I was super-dooper positive, looking- on-the-ever-so-bright-side-of-life, and being the all singing, all dancing, superwoman that everyone knows and loves. And then I came down with a big fat splat!! Since that time Ive pottered along in life, found my way a bit more, and generally I'm still all those things but now I have children the dynamics have changed quite a lot. My boys are little but I'm a lot more aware of being an embarrassing parent maybe. I'm conscious of how hard access is to everywhere with children, how this year I couldn't have got into the church when my son had his carol concert, and so on. I wonder what teachers and parents think? I'm just reminded all the time. Should I say something? Oh dont worry about me, I have a bit of a bad back after falling down the stairs/being run over by a speeding car/being attacked in the street/ falling 10 storys/deep sea diving tragedy/ballooning accident/ medical mishap etc, etc, etc. I'm super self conscious amongst the other parents. This sounds amazing to anyone who knows me as I give the impression of being 'person most likely to.......' Only I'm not. It took me ages to pluck up courage to actually go to the school door to collect my son, and now we have his first birthday party this w/e and again I'm feeling super self conscious, like I have a big boil on my nose. Oh almost forget its actually a wheelchair......!
Like everything I know in my heart it will pass, it will work out and before I know it we will be home. But faced with young children, parents I dont really know and lots of new situations, I find more and more I'm having that awkward deep down in the pit of your tummy feeling, that I haven't quite mastered yet.