Monday, May 23

Death in the family

My dad died over Easter, he was 80 and had been ill since Christmas but wouldn't let anyone tell me so i didn't know. The first thing I knew of it was when my aunt phoned to say he was dead. I was cross with him because he didn't give me a chance to say the things I wanted to, but perhaps he didn't need to hear them, he probably knew already. His main motive was that he thought I had enough to cope with and on reflection he was probably right. If I had known I would have been visiting as much as possible but that would have been a 600 mile round trip, he knew it would be hard going on me I suppose, and decided not to have me go through it. Also when you know someone has limited time, life becomes hard and edgy as you wait for the dreaded phone call, perhaps death is generally harder for that. My mum says its not about the dying, but its the leaving of everyone you know and love so much and I know shes right because I look at my children and know leaving is the hardest thing any of us will do. So maybe it was easier for him to go this way. No goodbye's or sad farewells, no emotional outbursts,  no tears, just an Au revoir and see you later.

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