Tuesday, March 28
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time
I have a counseller.... Or rather I did. My Gp thought it would be a good idea for me to be counselled on coming to terms with my disability. At the time I just nodded wildly as you do and thought 'thats another box ticked.' But on reflection Im not the counselling type. Im the get on and do it type, not the sit around and talk sort. So.... I took a few breathes and went to see this lady a couple of times. Although my initial thought was 'no this isnt for me', I decided to give it a chance so I think I saw her 3 times before deciding enough is enough. I realised that I came out angrier than when I went in. Sure Im angry, why not, why shouldnt I be? Its not a crime, and talking about how I feel just doesnt make me one jot better. And anyway thats the point isnt it? I dont feel very much at all these days, but how can she understand? Her favourite reply was. 'I dont understand, can you explain more?' Well to my mind 'NO I CANT EXPLAIN ANY MORE AND HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND AN EXPERIENCE SHE HAS NEVER GONE THROUGH!!!!!!?'
See, its making me cross even writing about it!! But you know we live in a society where counselling is expected to right every ill. Think after almost every TV programme these days you get ' if you have been affected by any of the issues covered in this programme, please call our helpline where trained counsellers are ready to take your call'. Its not like that is it? We are all the sum of our parts, and our lives experience make us who we are today and tomorrow. I often look back to my grandfathers and great uncles wartime experiences, here is a summary of some of the things they did;
Harry. Naval officer, sunk 2x served at Dunkirk evacuations and on D day. Ran up and down the beach rescuing as many men as possible before removing his landing craft from the beach.
Bert. Naval officer, served entire war in Submarines.
John. Military Police, served in Far East and Burma campaign.
Rowland. Reserved occupation, worked 100 hours a week for 6 years, volunteer firewatcher, he dug victims out of their houses after the Coventry Blitz.
Raignalt. Tank commander. Served at Dunkirk, and with Montys 8th army. Taken prisoner by Italians, escaped from Italian POW camp, recaptured by Germans, spent rest of war in camp near Dresden.
So what am I trying to say here? Well each of these men experienced the horror of war at first hand, and yet when the time came, they returned home and picked up where their lives left off. None of them were offered or recieved any kind of counselling, and most rarely talked about their experiences. I suspect that the more you talk the worse things can become, and for many people including myself it is always better to look forward and move on. Dont stop and look over your shoulder becasue we cannot change what has already gone, but we can hopefully change the future.