Sunday, June 11
My husband was having one of his heart to heart chats with me this afternoon. These usually start with him saying something like " I've been thinking...." This then flags up to me that he's going to say something I don't like!!
So it goes a bit like this
Him. "I've been thinking......"
Him. " You know you are going to have to accept you just cant do the things you used to anymore...I mean you are quite disabled, I don't mean severely disabled (he's starting to backtrack already!) but still you cant go around doing everything you used to, Maybe I should become your carer?"
Of course in a way he is totally right, I'm pretty disabled compared to 99% of the population, and hey I cant even make the bed anymore. So I do know exactly what he means, but even so acceptance is so damn hard. My head knows this is the way things are now, but my heart so longs for something else. The little dynamo inside me that makes me get all the things done I want to do is still going round furiously but it doesn't have anywhere to send the energy anymore. He then went on to say that he thought he'd like to see someone to talk about the changes in our life. Poor him I know all these things, I know I haven't been that easy and I know that its probably harder on him than me in many ways. We can always find the inner strength to get through our own difficult times, but it becomes so much more painful when we see bad things happening to those we love. So it is for him.