I have a recurrent dream that I'm jumping off a high building while someone is shouting not to kill myself, I do it anyway because I would wouldn't I? Despite my huge achievements this weekend I think my mind is telling me I'm doing too much and should take a bit of a break from all this physical stuff. Yes its true, I should be slapped to within an inch of my life as I'm so bloody stupid at seeing the sense of life sometimes. There is a running joke at work that when someone offers me a hand I always say No thanks I can do it myself.
Myself seems to be killing me physically at the moment. I just cant admit defeat, its like I don't know when to stop or call it a day. The results of my hard labour have left me even more crippled than usual hunched over my desk hardly able to sit up let alone look like I could do anything energetic. I feel like I've been skewered through my back roughly from my belly button to the spine and any functions I still had have gone off to hibernate from my foolhardiness. So when does an incomplete become a complete I wonder? Probably once they are completely idiotic. That's me, I just cant let things be, I cant walk away as it were, I cant let go. Control, control,control.
As you can tell I feel very cross at myself, as frankly I feel completely crap and should have seen it coming. One day I will learn I hope, one day....
Its 8.30 and Im off to bed.........
Instead of 1) waiting for husband to do the work or 2) killing yourself over the job, how about 3) HIRING someone to do it? I believe there are professionals known as "painters," even in your remote corner of the North. "Groundskeepers" too. They'll save you a world of pain and fatigue. Been there, done that. Still am, in fact.
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