Monday, September 11

Killing Myself

I have a recurrent dream that I'm jumping off a high building while someone is shouting not to kill myself, I do it anyway because I would wouldn't I? Despite my huge achievements this weekend I think my mind is telling me I'm doing too much and should take a bit of a break from all this physical stuff. Yes its true, I should be slapped to within an inch of my life as I'm so bloody stupid at seeing the sense of life sometimes. There is a running joke at work that when someone offers me a hand I always say No thanks I can do it myself.
Myself seems to be killing me physically at the moment. I just cant admit defeat, its like I don't know when to stop or call it a day. The results of my hard labour have left me even more crippled than usual hunched over my desk hardly able to sit up let alone look like I could do anything energetic. I feel like I've been skewered through my back roughly from my belly button to the spine and any functions I still had have gone off to hibernate from my foolhardiness. So when does an incomplete become a complete I wonder? Probably once they are completely idiotic. That's me, I just cant let things be, I cant walk away as it were, I cant let go. Control, control,control.
As you can tell I feel very cross at myself, as frankly I feel completely crap and should have seen it coming. One day I will learn I hope, one day....
Its 8.30 and Im off to bed.........

1 comment:

  1. Instead of 1) waiting for husband to do the work or 2) killing yourself over the job, how about 3) HIRING someone to do it? I believe there are professionals known as "painters," even in your remote corner of the North. "Groundskeepers" too. They'll save you a world of pain and fatigue. Been there, done that. Still am, in fact.