Monday, December 25

What a difference a year makes.

This time last year I was not well. Not well physically, mentally or spiritually. In fact the whole of last December was pretty grim, culminating in me spending Christmas day in bed. Physically I was suffering a lot of pain, and couldn't sleep because of it, my bladder had almost stopped working and I felt like Id been kicked within an inch of my life. Mentally I was depressed, I remember crying bitterly at my doctors and being sent home with Amytryptiline and Prozac. I felt terribly self conscious wherever I went and couldn't bare to see myself in shop windows. A year on and life is better. I'm better in all ways, and while I would probably say there is a way to go, I can for the first time in a long time see that shining light ahead that says things will improve. I hope so because I think its been a long journey so far, and a hard one at that. I remember bumping into some old family friends a couple of days before Christmas last year, they have known me since I was a toddler so no escape. Boy, they were shocked to see me, and then said 'oh well, you'll soon be up and out of that' meaning my chair, 'Actually this is probably as good as it gets' was my reply. Stunned silence followed and I wanted the ground to swallow me up there and then. Now though, I can cope with these sort of things better. While its never easy, I'm more used to me and happier in my own skin. As Ive said before if I'm having a hard time I try to think that if I can make it to tomorrow and then tomorrow and then tomorrow, before you know it a week has gone by and the hard time fades into the distance. Life is good for most of us most of the time, certainly if you are reading this, but we don't usually know what we have. I'm looking forward to the next year, and while I know that there be some difficult times ahead, none of them will last for that long.

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