Tuesday, August 22


I've a problem with acceptance which isn't that surprising, but I found it wasn't so much about my acceptance but more the fact that other people didn't want to accept my life. How do you cope, It must be awful for you, we are praying for a miracle, cant they do something? etc, comments like that although meant well don't do a lot for self esteem. I had major issues with looking at photos, and seeing myself in shop windows...... OMG who is that person!? I've been shocked at seeing the person I had become. I have found it a lot easier to make new friends and acquaintances because thay all accept me for me and have no previous points of reference. They only know me with chair not without. On another level my son is now 2 and a half. I don't want him looking back and seeing a miserable sick Mum who was always unhappy and never had fun. I fully intend to be a fun mum because I don't want him to be ashamed of me. I also want people to see me, and not the chair. Even my GP commented that no matter what I'm always upbeat, which is pretty much true. Even on my down days I try to pretend to be cheerful, it usually helps as eventually I start to believe it.
So how do you accept? If you don't accept and move on it will just eat into your soul and make you bitter. I don't want to look back and regret my life, we are all here come what may, and maybe life's experience have made me see the grass as just that bit greener, the sky a little more blue and the rain as just a soft mist.

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