If I owe you an e mail or phone call then I'm not ignoring you honest! Fact is my days have no beginning or ending they just go on and on, with me trying to snatch a couple of hours sleep here and there. Its just gone midnight and its the first chance Ive had to have a minute to myself all day, so I'm sure you will understand if I haven't been in touch. You are not forgotten, it just might take me a while that's all.

Britain's Got The Pop Factor And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice

What is it with Peter Kay and his wheelchair humour? First we have the terrific Brian Potter and now he includes the 'pop quartet' 2 up 2 down. Does he have a wheelchair fetish I wonder? Seriously though we have found his disabled humour to be wonderfully funny and well observed. Life is funny and tragic and inspiring and wonderful and just because you have a disability makes it no less so. I know Ive had hilarious moments because of my disability and its perfectly OK to laugh at them, life throws up the absurd no matter what, and I would certainly rather laugh than cry. I think Peter Kay manages to make us see the funny side of disability, without being unkind or voyeuristic. We should be allowed to laugh at it sometimes, its all about how you do it, and Peter Kay does it well.
I just hope this doesn't happen to me!.....................................

The Midwife

I have always been heartbroken at the loss of the midwife visiting me after giving birth and this time is no exception. You spend 9 months building a relationship with them, they advise and reassure you, make you feel like you will be a great mother and in your turn you confide all the silliest worries in the world. Of all the health professionals I have seen, they are the ones who've made me feel really cared about. For a couple of weeks after the birth they come and and check up on you and the baby and make you feel better when you are at your very lowest, they tell you what you need to do because at this point you feel as if your life is over and then they are gone. That's it. The connection is severed, and Ive always found it so painful. I don't have any older female friends/sisters/aunties to confide in, no one to ask if I'm doing it right, Ive always done this motherhood thing on my own. My own mother is 200 miles away and for the last 5 years hasn't had the best of health, so I have no one to ask, no one to tell me what to do. Id like to thank my midwives for everything over the last 18 months actually. So thank you to Judy, and Kate, and thanks to Sandra and Elaine. I shall miss their advice terribly and health visitors just aren't the same.

Lets Party!!!

My eldest son, now approaching 5 has had more party invitations in the last 2 months than I have for at least 20 years now. So when another one appeared in his school bag this week my husband clapped his hand to his forehead and groaned NO MORE PARTIES PLEASE. After the last one we had decided to have a party moratorium, that is until he has his own party at Christmas. But how can you say No to a 4yr old? There's nothing wrong with going to a party after all.

The task of taking him always falls to my husband as so much does now. I'm sure people think hes a wonderful dad which of course goes without saying, but the fact of the matter a lot of the time its physically very difficult for me to actually take him to a party as the chances are high that I wont be able to get into the venue. When I was super pregnant I could barely get out of the car let alone do anything else, but now I'm back to my usual self getting into other peoples houses is still one of those bloody awful challenges that I'm truly fed up with. I'm also keen not to be an embarrassing parent which could be a possibility in the future. So at the moment it remains a job for my husband, I know he loves it..... really.

The Breath of Life

Abel James, Abel James...

My husband and son sing this to the tune of Edelweiss. Anyway lots of people have asked why we chose this name. Well you may know that each of my sons has been given a specific family name with a story and meaning behind it. So Abel was no different its a name from my husbands family, and James was the name of 2 of my grt grandfathers. On a more interesting note, Abel also has a hebrew name. In his case its Avel Chaim. Avel and Chaim were twin brothers born into my husbands family, and the name also means 'breath of life' which seems very appropriate given the problem when he was born.

Stars on Sunday

My husband went out for some light bulbs last week and came home with an organ. 'Ive got us an organ' he said cheerily. 'An Organ.' I replied, 'OK.'

You see Im never surprised at anything. Of course we so needed an organ that it was a 'bargain'. Actually it was a total freebie, thanks to the generosity of a local. My husband thought the boys would love it. They do and he was right in that it has saved my piano from a bashing. So now I have a Jess-Yates-Stars-on-Sunday, circa 1975 organ in my living room. Just what I wanted.

Sweet Abey James

Yes its been a couple of weeks BUT I have been busy giving birth so I have good reason not to have been to busy on the blog front.

Anyway last week I went to see the midwife, and at this point the swelling in my legs was horrendous and my blood pressure was on an upwards climb. She didn't like the look of it and neither did I to be honest. I think you should pop over to Hexham for a check over tomorrow she said. I muttered something about being 'busy' and she gave me that don't-argue-with-me look which meant I was defeated before I started. This baby really needs to come out now she told me. I knew that was the case. I was tired to death, bloated, teary and fed up. Who says 9 months isn't a design fault?

Roll forward 12 hours later and its 5 am. I woke up early thinking, Hmmm this could be it, I think Im having contractions. Reaching over for the clock I thought timing them would be a good idea as they did seem quite strong to me to be just early labour. Every 3 minutes. Not as early as I thought. So by 6am I was shouting to my husband, Call the midwife, and I sat in the bath and waited. By 7am I was shouting is she bloody here yet??!! I needed some pain relief by now when suddenly 2 midwives appeared at once. The next 2 hours just seemed to fly by and then at 9.15 with one push Abel James Hershon flew out with a loud 'POP'. And I mean flew, the midwife only just caught him from landing on the bathroom floor such was the speed of his entrance into the world.

I was done in, my husband over the moon, and stood holding his little boy.

However, (there are always howevers in these sort of stories), about 20 minutes later things started to go wrong. I was looking at him when I noticed he was gasping and his feet were turning blue. Is he OK I asked in a pathetic manner? With that the midwives jumped into action administering oxygen, listening to his heart and basically getting him going again, while I just looked on and gawped. My husband was sent off to dial 999 for an ambulance and I did absolutely nothing. I was redundant, not needed.

Not only did one ambulance arrive but 2 , and my baby was whisked off before I even had chance to cuddle him. You go I told my husband in my super stoic, best stiff upper lip manner. I'm fine. And I was then.

I spent the next 2 days home alone, just me and the dogs. The boys were with a friend , my husband and baby at the hospital. I spent 2 days taking endless phone calls from people I didnt want to talk to being cheery and optimistic and having them all tell me I was marvellous. Nothing felt marvellous actually, nothing at all.

Everyone is home now. My baby is here, its a week on and I'm allowed to cry now, so Im making up for lost time.

Birth plan

Well I havent written much lately because I feel pretty crap and my backside is killing me!! So consequently Im not finding reasons to spend hours at the computer. I have 2 weeks to go and believe me Im not just ticking off the days, Im counting the hours. I saw the midwife yesterday and despite having legs of elephantine proportions everything is humming along fine, so far. 'Do a birth plan' she said.....

Of course I tend to raise my eyebrows a bit at this as any idea I had about having a baby was totally ignored on the last 2 occasions, and Id come to the conclusion that birth plans were a bit of a waste of time. Even though last year I spent hours begging not to be stuck on mty back, you guessed it, I was lying on my back for most of the duration. Thats my main reason for wanting a home birth this time, anywhere but on my back .

So whats the birth plan?

1. DO NOT put me on my back.

2.Give the baby to my husband not me, Im far too knackered to care by the time it pops out.

3. Dont fuss, I hate it.

4. Dont forget I cant pee.Very important as they forgot last year and my full bladder actually held up the birth.

5. I want a decent meal afterwards not a piece of toast.

Tick, tick, tick, oh we are another 20 minutes closer already!