Friday, August 7

The End of it All

Ive been thinking over the recent House of Lords ruling on suicide and what it means. Unlike the Daily Mail I don't believe it will suddenly make lots of old people or disabled people or anyone feeling a bit down fly off to Switzerland and get their friends and family to carry the luggage one way. No I think if you are so minded to kill yourself then you will do it or you wont do it. I have always thought I would cling on to life with my very last breath no matter what. My grandmother did, I know she didn't want to leave us because she kept telling my mother, but at the end she also said she could wait much longer. My other grandmother is still alive. I last saw her 6 years ago at her 90th birthday party. She was sprightly and active and delighted at the whole family gathering, she was also totally lucid and very nimble on her feet. Not long after that she fell and broke her hip so badly she never recovered. Her whole hip joint had deteriorated so much it had to be removed and as she no longer has a hip has been unable to walk. Basically that finished her off, and she rapidly declined into the world of senility. She is now 96 and lives in a home, she recognises no one and is pretty much unable to engage with any family member as she doesn't know who they are or has any idea where she is. I haven't been to see her for the reason that she wouldn't recognise me. Having said that she is still strong physically and her heart keeps going, I'm sure she will reach 100 . However I often think back to that party and wonder what she would have wanted for herself if she had seen into the future. Would she have wanted to be here at any cost or not? Obviously we cannot second guess her thoughts now, but as I think upon myself I am sure that if such a time came where I was unable to recognise my own children or husband then it would be better for all if they popped something into my tea, never to wake up. Its probably a horrible thing to think about too much but as Ive said before I don't worry about the dying, I do worry about the leaving but in that situation I would probably not realise what was lost.
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1 comment:

  1. How terribly sad to read about your Nan.

    Mine used to be very active as well, until she had a heart attack or something when I was in my teens (I'm 32 now). Since then she hasn't been out of the house much, and a few years ago she also had a fall and injured her hip, I think. She lived in the downstairs room for a while after, but now walks with a frame and can climb the stairs to her bedroom again, but rarely if ever leaves the house. She's never been to our house where we've lived since Sept 2001. My grandad is her carer and can still walk easily, but they're both in their 80s and he seems more frail than she is. There was a time when I hated missing an opportunity to visit them as I feared there wouldn't be another chance.