Kindness

"Lorraine does not suffer fools gladly........'. This was written on my school report when I was 12, and so it remains. My resolution for 2008 is to show more kindness to others, to keep my mouth shut and not make others look like idiots. I have a sharp tongue, far too sharp for my own liking let alone anyone else and it does not endear me to anyone at times. I can be harsh, unkind, verbally vicious, bullying, impatient and belittling. The worse thing though is that I know Im doing it. Apart from that im a really nice person! So my resolution for the New Year is not to be. To try and keep my mouth firmly shut if possible and if I don't have a good thing to say, then not to say it at all.

Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time.
Thomas CarlyleScottish author, essayist, & historian (1795 - 1881)

Happy Christmas or whatever............

Gelukkige Kerstmis! Ik zal in Nederland tijdens de volgende week zijn. Ik hoop percelen van fantastisch voedsel te eten en een heel mooie tijd met mijn familie te hebben.
Ik hoop u dat iedereen van de vakantiekeer met die geniet die u en houdt van vind een moment voor u zelf.
Ik zal in week tijd terugkeren.

Happy Christmas!I shall be in the Netherlands during the next week. I hope to eat lots of wonderful food and have a very nice time with my family.
I hope you all enjoy the holiday time with those you love and find a moment for yourselves.
I shall return in weeks time.

-5C

Its been minus 5 degrees here today all day, and my hands have been absolutely killing me. throbbing, itching, hot and freezing cold, I feel as if every joint has been hurting. My fingers are numb and tingly and its just really hard to function like this. Honestly and truly doing small jobs is very difficult and fiddly, and I'm writing this with thumbs at the moment. My feet are throbbing and white as well, frozen little blocks of ice, despite thermal socks. Wearing gloves isn't that practical really, its hard to get a lot done with gloves on for any length of time. I didn't go out at all over the weekend, preferring to view the weather from the safety of the window but it was a necessary evil this morning.

So tonight its the log fire, soup and mulled wine to warm the cockles of my heart, and a few photos taken today.

Vanity, the Quicksand of Reason

My life has been less complicated by a certain lack of vanity on my part..... she says vainly. Well what I mean is that I'm not that interested in myself despite writing all this, and I don't think I'm a particularly fascinating or attractive person. Although my husband disagrees violently I don't think I'm a great beauty and having had a fat, spotty, bespectacled childhood I think I'm probably right on this one. So now that I'm all this, plus sitting down rather a lot these days, it just sort of adds to my lack of vanity. Perhaps because I have lower expectations of myself in this area and certainly have certain expectations from other people in regards to their reactions towards me, has maybe made acceptance of my disability a bit more straightforward. I wouldn't say easier because this life is not easy, but not being the prettiest in the class maybe makes this a bit less complicated than it might have been and I feel I have a certain amount of resilience born of being out with the in crowd most of my life. Although the me that looks out from the mirror isn't always what I expect, it isn't that far removed from the me of a few years ago, which couldn't be said if Id been a stunning beauty.

Or maybe I'm just being vain and talking rubbish? Its a thought anyway.

Facebook

Oh yes I'm on Facebook. Make me your friend now. I need a few as some people seem to have 100s, how do they do it? I'm definitely lacking in 'friends'. Go on add me, you know you want to!

Money, Money, Money.....

One thing that really annoys me is that after a brief discussion of my disability, people nearly always say "So did you get any compensation?" This is regardless of the tale Ive told. Doesn't matter if Ive had a north sea diving accident, fallen down my own stairs at high speed, been attacked my club wielding maniacs or an attempt to fly after too many drinks! No it really doesn't matter what I say, people always assume that someone, somewhere is waiting to pay you a huge sum of money to make it all a bit better. Actually let me tell you right now, its really no ones business but mine. Quite often I will say something like 'Oh Yes I got a small fortune' with a small smile on my face. This usually ends the discussion. What is it with people, why do they feel they can ask you such questions when they don't even know you? So how much do you earn every month then, whats your mortgage and what about your debts? Its almost funny that everyone feels that I wont mind prying questions like that. Actually I do, it annoys me, its bad manners, and you know something? Even IF I had 10 million in the bank it doesn't make all this any better, its still just the same.

Hatzola

Of course there is no way we can have a few fun days away without the odd calamity happening. Sunday evening, after a little family soiree we were sitting having a bit of supper with the family and my older son was sitting on my lap. He'd been a bit under the weather during the day but nothing you could put your finger on, a bit hot, not eating much, but nothing overly unusual in a 4 year old. Certainly not enough to make me think he was ill. Suddenly he coughed and before I knew it he was having a seizure. Now this was a first for us, as hes been a very super healthy child with no more than the odd cold from nursery. So I sat there as calm as they come and announced to the whole table, what was going on. This was rather outside my experience actually so when someone said "call Hatzola" I sort of thought it might be a good idea.

Within 5 minutes Hatzola arrived. Like some sort of caped Jewish Super Heroes they arrive on your doorstep ready to give full medical assistance. Although these are members of the orthodox community, they do this on a totally voluntary basis and manage to cut what would be half an hour into a matter of minutes waiting time. They are fully trained paramedics with every bit of equipment available and provide a truly unique and wonderful service. While concerned for the well being of my son, I wasn't frantic. Lets face it I'm not really in a position to jump up and panic and its much harder to be beside yourself with worry when you are sitting down somehow! So anyway to cut a long story short, they whisked him off to hospital with his father and some supporting family while I sat at home with the baby and other family members. I'm pleased to say he seems to be totally fine and as the doctor said at the time we have no reason to think it will happen again at this stage, its not that unusual in young children, Whew thank goodness for that, and I later discovered I'd won the Nobel Prize for Staying Calm!

London

People are always telling me how accessible London is so I suppose I was expecting really great things, so I was a bit surprised to find it wasn't really as good as I'd heard. Now we were spending a few days around Golders Green and I can guess right now that you will be thinking... if only you'd gone to......, maybe, but Id have thought Golders Green would have been up there in the heights of accessibility. Last time I was here I was walking so I suppose I was seeing it in a very different light. The whole area has paving slabs, most of which are poorly maintained. I'm sure a lot of older people find this awkward, its certainly not easy with wheels as I found myself 'stuttering' along rather than roiling gracefully. Dropped kerbs are an enigma. You get all the way along to the end of the street only to find you there is no dropped kerb so I ended up going up and down streets looking for a place to cross over. While I'm OK at bouncing down kerbs I'm not great at getting up them. Finally they must have the highest dropped kerbs in the country. Crossing the street required major acrobatics as I bounced up and down these kerbs all the time praying that the bus driver would be patient for another 30 seconds!

Shops are not universally accessible either. For instance Starbucks on Golders Green High street has a step and very difficult doors to negotiate. While the Costa next door is totally accessible. I suppose that proves its all about cost. Anyway I'm not moaning I'm just saying I'm a bit surprised as I thought it would be better. Granted I didnt try the buses, so next time I will take bus into town, but perhaps the streets of London are not quite paved with gold after all.

Give an Inch

Yes its the Good Will Season once again, and simple shopping is pretty grim right now. Come the 1st of December, normally reasonable and polite people turn into trolley maniacs who rush around every shop they can find piling everything in just in case of some sort of national crisis, There are absolutely oblivious to anyone less than 5 foot tall. Last night I called into a nearby and well known store to pick up some nappies and milk and as I gently rolled down an isle this woman marches towards me determined not to give way. Like she had the God given right at this time of year to take all the space, she looked me in the eye and pressed on. Now times were that I was in her position, and I suppose I like to think I have decent manners, I would have let someone through as a matter of politeness but not her. I could see this was some sort of festive game of Chicken, so as I never give way on principle to this sort of thing I pressed forwards, my eyes fixed on her trolleys legs. Suddenly a clank of cold steel, a grating and grinding sound, and with all the expertise I can now muster I pushed through at the same time bringing my hands upwards, and placed on my lap.In the nick of time with nanoseconds to spare. No crazed Christmas shopper is going to scrape the back of my knuckles thankyou very much. So on I rolled feeling just that slightly bit more self satisfied, and points to me there I think!

Kinder Surprise

Well its no good, but I'm losing my grip on things. Well what I mean by that is I'm actually unable to grip anything very well at the moment. My son had manged to scoff a Kinder egg yesterday and then asked me to open the toy thing inside. Easy, no problem, its just a little plastic capsule that you twist open, but could I do it? No, I manged to pry the thing open with my teeth eventually. Today I was unable to open a screw top bottle and then a packet of fruit. Thankfully scissors came to my rescue. This hand problem is more problematic than I realised. I thought it wasn't too bad until find I can't do really simple things right now and then I don't know whether to cry at the frustration or laugh at the absurdity. Usually I will go with the absurd in life.