Loshen Hora and Mr Gervais.

Judaism has an idea called Loshen Hora, or The evil tongue. Speech is considered to be lashon hara "evil tongue" if it says something negative about a person or party, is not previously known to the public, or is not seriously intended to correct or improve a negative situation, I guess we would also call it gossip. Judaism recognises the strength of words and also most of us are very bad at speaking before we think. While I write this blog I try to think about how I construct the words, to convey my true meaning. to make sure I don't confuse or offend, I'm aware of how it all works, especially in the world we live in today. It has always been that the tyrants of the world have controlled free speech, in recent times we have had Goebbels, Hitler's minister of propaganda promoting the burning of books and more recently the global use of Twitter to spread ideas within minutes, we all know, you and me, words count and words are power. So when a comedian such as Ricky Gervais uses inappropriate words in his routine, should we be upset, or just say he is joking, it means nothing, its a laugh? Mr Gervais himself claims we are too PC, he didn't mean anything offensive , the world is just over sensitive. Really? Do we believe him? Do we really think a 'comic genius' doesn't know the power of words he chooses to use? Is he just being funny? I know what I think that's for sure, and I for one do know the power of the language I use.

Dreams and Fears.

Although the outer me is confident and well spoken and all these things there are times the inner me gives it all away, even if its just to myself. My dreams are the usual source of anxiety where I float most of the time serenely through them without actually having to move. Last night however was an odd one whereby I seemed to be desperate to go on some kind of long distance hike. At the crucial moment my chair suffered a malfunction and the lady from wheelchair services refused to mend it for me. At which point I sobbed though the rest of dream. Dreams tend to bring out your worst fears and insecurities and this must obviously be one of mine. Big time!

The Miracle of Downton.

And so anyone who has watched the Sunday evening historical soap that is Downton Abbey will have seen the everso lovely Mathew return from war with spinal damage. Oooer Mrs there will be no heirs, in fact no anything according to the local GP cum army Dr......Horrified look from the Earl, no heir, well that's the end of everything then. Mathew it would seem is condemned to a life of sitting tucked up with a tartan blanket in his wicker chair, to gaze wistfully across the lawns of Downton, becoming bitter at his lost life. Meanwhile Lady Mary will profess her undying love and the viewers hope for at least a minor miracle. Wait theres a twinge, I feel it coming on right now...!

Of course Downton is a slightly bonkers if compelling fictional drama with an unfathomable timeline, but afterwards I was left pondering about what had happened to all those disabled soldiers who returned during and after WW1 with frankly grizzly injuries. The country must have suddenly had to deal with thousands of blind, deaf, disfigured, paralyzed or limbless young men, so what happened to them all? Most received a small pension from the Govt and a thank you, and that was it, and remember you still had to pay to see a Dr as the NHS was another 30 years away. I did a bit of a google search to try to find some info and surprisingly there seem to be little about apart from odd snippets.  Very few were able to return to a life of earning and looking after their family and it would seems a lot had to resort to selling trench souvenirs on the street, begging and I guess many many just sat in their homes unwilling or unable to leave it. Its a recent history that has either been quickly forgotten or was never even documented sadly. I shall have to dig further. 

Standing Frames

I have really bad Achilles tendon pain, which Ive endured for weeks. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday who having broken his neck 40 years ago has a bit more experience than I do with this sort of thing. Honestly the pain is miserable and making me feel tired and irritable. The only respite I'm getting is actually sitting in bed with my feet up, I'm not sure why this helps but it is very impractical. Anyway my friend suggested a standing frame which does exactly what it says, It has you standing up which is useful, helps with stuff like bone integrity and blood pressure and also is really good for stretching out tendons. Its a great idea, I could do with one I suppose but the trouble with any of this stuff is it takes a shed load of space. Literally you need a shed to store it all in and it takes up half the living room which doesn't add to family life. I really should try one out I guess, but where we should put it I have no idea!

Can I be the Biggest Loser?

Its no good, Ive decided to diet. Actually I don't like the whole diet psychological thing. The more you cant have something, the more you want it. So lets say Ive decided I need to lose some weight. I'm not telling you how much I weigh but I have a fairly good idea as I haven't put anything on for years, in fact I did actually lose a bit of weight with each pregnancy but its never progressed further and it should. If I look at a weight chart I'm at the top end of healthy, so given my condition I really should be at the bottom as it would make life easier, even with those day to day activities such as transfers. In and out the car 10 times a day puts a strain on shoulders and I feel it now.  The main problem with weight loss is I cant really do any cardiovascular exercise and Ive worked out my calorific intake is only about 1800 calories most days anyway which is already slightly less than the suggested 2000 for a woman. So unlike the people on Fat Families or Biggest Loser, I don't have much to work with. Ive decided to start with cutting my fat intake, especially butter on sandwiches and crackers, biscuits, full fat milk, and carbs such as potatoes. All of these are pretty easy to get rid of as they are essentially empty calories. My aim is to lose a pound a month, is that an achievable goal do you think or should I aim for more? Not sure so I will see how it goes by the end of the month. I shall report back!

Overnighters

The last time I stayed overnight with a friend was I think 4 years ago. They live in a nice house in Bath on a hill so from the moment we arrived it was hard work. I needed help up the path and then 2 men had to lift me up the front step as it was too high to bounce up. The door was so narrow I just about scraped in, and they had to remove a whole bookcase and shoe rack from their hallway so I could get in. At least the loo was downstairs, and I slept on the sofa. Of course their hospitality was wonderful because they are true friends, but honestly I so miss visiting people. I'm painfully aware how difficult it is, because most houses are not reality accessible. Id love to hop on a plane or train and just call someone and say can I come and stay for the weekend, but I don't. I don't want to impose myself or feel awkward and embarrassed. I know I would need some help at some time during the weekend and would need to be looked after in a strange country. I was once a person who travelled across Europe by train on my own when I was a student, but I don't have the independence or even quite the confidence I used to have what seems so many years ago. My wheelchair has taken that from me and I would be a fool to say otherwise. While there are people who travel the world and you hear these stories of them scaling the peaks of Nepal with a wheelchair, these are not solo travellers. Nearly all of them need a whole team of helpers.These days just taking a train to London is a huge challenge that I am frightened at overcoming and so my previous travels could  be a lifetime away, they are 'another country'.  I often feel very sad at the loss of the wider world and all those adventures waiting to be had but what I really miss is the opportunity to have opportunities and most of all I miss my friends that I now hold at a distance.

Touch screens, blessing or curse?

Technology comes up with new things all the time. The latest gadget, improvement and must have usually it seems by Apple who are endlessly telling us about their new and wonderful everythings. I love most of them I have to admit and have been hinting that I would like a Kindle for ages now, but the one thing I find impossible to use is the touch screen facility, which is becoming inconvenient as they are starting to pop up everywhere. I know a lot of people with limited hand function find them fantastic, but I find them impossible as I also have limited feeling in my hands and so my problem seems to be no matter how much I try I cant find the 'button' space on the screen that I should be touching. 

Last week in Waitrose I spent 10 minutes trying to get their scales to print out the number of bread rolls I was buying, No matter how many times I thought I was touching 2, I only got 1, and so eventually I had to meekly ask an assistant to do it for me, who then did it straight away. I curse at my satnav that it will not let me put in the right postcode no matter how often I try to touch the screen, and now there is the 'curse' of phones to deal with. Would I like to upgrade to a touch screen I keep being asked. No I like buttons I say. Touch screens are a bit of a torment for me, along with shirt buttons, small coins, and basically any small lightweight object. I also wrestle with packaging on daily basis but thats a whole new posting. So with each bit of new technology comes a blessing for some people and a curse for others! Remember, buttons are cool.

Orkney

Having said that we did manage a great holiday in August which has been the highlight of the year. Id been looking for adventure and scenery and something child friendly, so decided on Orkney because, well why not. It was like a foreign holiday without the change of currency. There was an amazing overnight road trip followed by a an hours ferry and we were there. The boys adored it, I loved it, my husband thought it fantastic. We want to go again and again and again. Its the kind of place that Id be tempted to up sticks and move to if I wasn't already living in one of the best parts of the country. 

Id been feeling both excitement and trepidation at visiting a new place. The ghost of accessibility hovers just above me most of the time and there is nothing worse than heading off somewhere new only to find that what is supposed to be a restful week is in fact an exercise in getting up and down steps. Most of Orkney is pretty good. Beaches are not accessible and you have to get up and down them on your backside. Its worth the effort if you can make it though as the sand is perfect for rolling in! All the historic sites are well maintained and easy to get to, apart from Maes Howe which isn't. Some of the buildings in Kirkwall, namely the fantastic St Magnus Cathedral and the town museum are limited in their access but I'm not complaining. After all the cathedral is nearly 1000 years old. Now that I have been once I have all the maps in my head so access will be a lot easier. Plans are for a trip next Easter maybe including Shetland as well. Now that will be an adventure!

Autumn report

I'm back after a few months off. To be really honest the kids sort of suck up every minute of the day especially over the summer months, and so as well as not having the time or inclination to write Ive not actually done anything much of merit. My life has been an endless round of drop people off, pick them up, cook, clean and go food shopping, and thats been it over the summer. Nothing at all exciting but now that everyone is back in school I can breath again and start off where I left.