The Grand Plan

Well, well, well, life's a funny old thing isn't it? Doesn't seem to matter how much we think we are in control of the whole thing, it just throws in various unknowns just to keep it interesting. Somehow I think it might be quite nice to lead a steady, reliable sort of ordinary kind of life. I used to be so organised and have these terrific 5 year plans where I would plan out my career, finances and personal life with Great Expectations. Only thing is, since we got into the 21st century nothing has gone according to plan, and not only have I had to forget plan A, B and C but I generally find myself on plan M! So forget the grand plan, its worthless.

So following on from that I can announce I'm pregnant....again!!!!!! If I were to say we were amazed it would be an understatement. We are simply shocked and flabbergasted. The chances of this happening spontaneously are pretty slim if I'm really honest, it never even occurred to us it might. But it did and here we are looking at the birth of our 3rd child at the end of September. What can I say? I'm pleased of course, but it wasn't in the grand plan for 2008 that's for sure. Anyway please don't say to me 'how will you manage?' Ive already had someone say that and you know its a bit insulting to say the least. Of course we will manage, its not like we are living in a shack in the middle of Africa with 8 kids and no drinking water. So of course we will manage, its just going to be a bit more of a challenge than I was expecting!!! But that's life I guess!

To go, boldly......

So we are at the end of February already, 1/6th of the year has gone and Ive done nothing. My life recently has been nothing but missed and forgotten appointments, washing, driving, washing, cooking. There seems to be no time for anything as I'm sucked along with the mundane bits and pieces of family life. Not that I mind but seriously there must be more than this to any ones life surely.

I have always been a big fan of science fiction, not in a geeky sense, but what has attracted me to it, is the possibility of the unknown. I am endlessly fascinated by what might be and by what I don't know. I remain open to all sorts of theories and I try to discount nothing. When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut, then Prime Minister, then a Vet and eventually I was sure I was going to be a research scientist so I could discover all those unknown possibilities. Whichever way you look at it, Ive failed to succeed in any of my aspirations, but I still remain open to what might be, and could be.

Is it accesible?

So do you have wheelchair access? Its my favourite phrase and I use it all the time. The thing is people dont really understand what I mean by this. I know, when you think about it, it seems a pretty straightforward question. So I invariably get the answer of Yes, until I then ask, So do you have any steps, can I get in on my own? Ah well theres the rub. More often than not, a lot of places have some steps, you know one or 2 at the entrance. just small ones, Im always being told. Well then its not wheelchair accessible is it? You cant have somewhere half acessible. So what dont people understand? Am I saying Can my husband get me through the door with a bit of a push while dealing with a baby in a buggy? Perhaps Im speaking in a foreign language............

• Haben Sie Zugang für Rollstühle?
• Έχετε πρόσβαση για τις αναπηρικές καρέκλες;
• Avete accesso per le sedie a rotelle?
• Вы имеете доступ для кресло-коляск?
• ¿Usted tiene acceso para los sillones de ruedas?
• Avez-vous accès pour des fauteuils roulants ?

Because buildings are supposed to be accessible Im sure people tell you what they think you want to hear, hoping you wont actually turn up rather than admit to not having the access they ought to have. Frankly I dont really care, if they dont have access then theyve lost my custom, but what I really really want is the truth. Just tell it how it is. Do you have wheelchair access? No we have 2 steps outside and 1 inside. Thats all I want to know really, just some honesty. It would make everyones life so much esier.

Teeth

Im not well, so Im going to be quick. I have an abcess under a tooth with a root filling. Its agony, and I feel like ****. So Im not going to write much. Im on a multitude of antibiotics and Im due to have it out on friday. Cant wait, Im going to try and bring it forward to Wednesday maybe. Absolutly horrible. So dont expect a lot from me this week.

Measure Me Up!

Today I had an appointment with wheelchair services, I was a bit surprised becasue they just rang me up yesterday and left a message for me to come in at 10am. Now I havent been for sometime and it would be quite nice to get something useful, a new chair maybe, perhaps. Who knows? My policy is to take what Im offered. The technician was someone I hadnt met before but she was very nice and chatty, did a few quick measurements and then gave me a prescription form. My backside has spread, well not surprising I suppose after 2 children that 6 pack just doesnt exist anymore!

We work with Kuschall she said, I will get their rep to call you and make an appointment to come round and see you.

Oooo thats nice I thought, I quite fancy a new Airlite but we shall see whats on offer.

OT Update

Im one of those people you wouldnt want to meet when Im cross. Most of the time Im really upbeat and I give people a lot of rope with which to hang themselves but I will very suddenly go ballistic once a certain line is crossed and at that point only G-d can help you.

So Im starting to get cross over my OT referal or seemingly lack of it. Im starting to smell incompetance and whats the one thing guarenteed to drive me insane? Yes its that. To recap. My OT came to see me on the 16th january with a view to getting some access improvements done to my house. She wrote to me on the 18th to confirm what she had done, and who she had passed the referal to, as it wasnt specifically her remit. So 5 weeks later I have heard precisely nothing. Not an aknowledgement, a letter or a phone call to say they have anything. I phone 2 weeks ago and the 'Young Persons Team' confirmed they did indeed have the referal. Today my husband phoned and someone promised to call us back. So far nothing.

Anyway Im starting to get very very cross. My need is great and to not even acknowledge it is very very bad indeed. If they are not careful I will be turning up at their office next week to find out whats going on. I dont want to make life uncomfortable but if I have to I will, I know when I have had letters and referals in my work have always made an acknowledgement within days, just as my OT did. Im less than impressed by the young persons teams efficiancy and they will regret their lacks attitude if they are not careful.

The Eye of the Beholder

Boys never make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Im a member of various online forums that deal with aspects of disability. I find most of them useful and informative and hopefully from time to time Im able to offer some useful advice as well. Anyway most have a section on relationships, and on a weekly basis there will be a posting from a woman who starts off with, "Ive just started dating this amazing guy with 3 heads/a tail/able to fly/an extra leg" (delete as appropriate). Anyway the man usually has some sort of disability and the woman is head over heels in love. Unfortunatly Ive noticed that its very rare that these postings start "Ive just met this amazing woman...." Its sad to say that men do usually only look at a woman who is attractive or beautiful and Im sure there are so many ladies out there with disabilities who would be just fantastic girlfriends and wives, but most men wont give them a second look. Im sure if I hadnt already been married Id be writing this alone in my house. Men dont look at women who fall outside the norm and its a sad fact despite there being exceptions. At the end of the day though, none of us will be young forever, we will all start to get fatter, get those lines, wear glasses and by the time we get to 50 wont really resemble the person in those photos at 25. Beauty is skin deep, but then Im a woman so I would say that wouldnt I?

I have a friend about my age who was born disabled and uses an electric wheelchair. She is so funny she kills me with her wit, shes a genuinely nice person, and I think she is pretty attractive despite her disability, shes well dressed and nicely made up. Shes artistic and fun to be with. Yet she confided in me that she had never had a proper boyfriend because men only want to be her friend. I just feel so sad for her becasue she has so much to give yet no ones looking her way.

Blue Badge Ageism

If looks could kill Id be dead. Now I dont want to be a blue badge bore becasue we are all in danger of going on and on about it, but its one of those subjects that arouses strong passions, and you cant be disabled and avoid it really.

So last week I called in at Tesco to pick up essential baby items. I had my eldest son with me. As I swung round into the parking spot, my badge flew off the dash and into the passenger footwell. So I made a few jokes about it that a 4yr old will appreciate, then I started to root round on the floor looking for it. Id just sat up when this old guy walks round slowly and deliberatly, peers into the car and then just stands and looks at me. So I smiled and waved and flashed my badge at him. He didnt even acknowledge me as Im sure he thought I must be using someone elses. Now I never mind people checking, in fact I wish they would more often, but I sort of suspect that if Id been his age he wouldnt have appeared so challenging. As we rolled around the store I spotted him doing his shopping, and Im struck by the fact that if hes able to walk around a Tesco Extra, and cover quite a distance I should think, how come he qualifies for a badge anyway?