Whoopsie daisie

I sometimes think I must be the most accident prone person in the world. Firstly this week, I hit my ankle on the base of the rocking chair with an enormous crack, and 10 seconds later began to wonder if Id broken my ankle. It doubled in size within about 3 minutes and turned blue on me. So, anxious to avoid a trip to A & E I procrastinated about it, and wiggled it around a bit and decided to ignore it all. On this occasion it did turn out to be the right call. 2 days later, the swelling has gone down considerably and the colour is back to normal which is a big relief I can tell you.

But today I found out my centre of gravity has changed. This is because I'm now used to carrying a 16lb ( 1 stone!) baby on my lap. I was just 'rearranging myself' shall we say when coming out of the bathroom, when I flipped back and landed squashed against the recycling and the back door. This was all the more embarrassing as we had visitors at the time. Actually it hurt, even though I was lying there laughing because when this happens it is all a bit farcical to be honest, but on reflection afterwards, I have a sore bump on the back of my head and taken the skin off my elbow. Sore, sore, sore.

Ha, ha, ha...........

You know how it is, you're on holiday, the food is good, the company amiable, the evening pleasant, so there's nothing better than sitting overlooking the river, watching the sun go down and enjoying a glass of wine, or half a dozen....... So we talked about football and yes we are all experts, and have another drink. I tip France to be in the final of the Rugby world cup, I'm crazy I realise, but have another glass of wine anyway, because its jolly nice. We talk about our ailments/injuries and I tell my story warts and all, and have a couple more drinks. Then the host brings out his very large motorbike for the morning and I'm shouting how much I want a ride and finish off the bottle of wine Id started earlier.

It was 10.30 and it was time for bed. By now I'm talking very loudly and I'm talking total nonsense, in fact I'm sure my voice isn't my voice. All I can hear is blah, blah blah, blah, blah de blah, I'm going to bed I manage to slur and shout at the same time and attempt to head back to our apartment. Unfortunately there is a gentle slope back to the building, and it really is gentle, but suddenly my pushing takes me nowhere and I cant do it. Of course I found this hilarious to the point that I dissolved into hysterics of laughter. Yes you guessed it, I was paralytically drunk. How I laughed and laughed and laughed!!!! Our host Carl came up to me and said 'yes I know you are fiercely independent but I'm pushing you back now, so I just laughed, slurred a thank you and let him!!!

My husband didn't take it quite so well, I lay semiconscious on the bed while he had to put me into bed, all the time laughing like a maniac. How old am I for heavens sake?!!!

Interestingly enough I had a conversation with a friend who pointed out how easy it is to get drunk in a wheelchair. Because you are sat down, you just don't realise the effect of the alcohol until its far too late. Hes totally right, but it was damn good wine I can tell you.

Ou est la toilette?

Finding a disabled loo in France is a challenge. In fact I didn't come cross one until 2 days before we left the country, there are indeed a rare species. I'm very surprised and somewhat dismayed that what we take for granted here is not also a reality in other European countries.

Here a photo of LeClerc. Its a BIG shopping complex housing a hypermarket, hairdressers, book store, music store, toy shop, cafe and restaurant dry cleaners and of course public loos. Only thing is there is no disabled loo at all, not one. So although I could get into the ladies, I couldn't actually get into the cubicle and Id probably have fallen over if I had done, so maybe that was a blessing. But perhaps its indicative of the fact that they don't expect anyone to use them or require such facilities. Hmmm very strange indeed.

Perros Guirec

France is closed on a Sunday apart from an early morning boulangerie, and cafes to while away the afternoon, there is no shopping to be done anywhere. that's OK, I'm not a big fan of that particular leisure activity, so we went on a gentle drive around the area. The weather was bright, the sky clear, a perfect day for exploring.

We got to Perros Guirec just after lunch time and it was simply a perfect day in a perfect seaside town. The sea dazzled blue with the sunshine, the sky cloudless and the air clean. We parked the car and decided to do a faire du promenade, ie take a stroll along the prom. It looks to me as if the whole front area has been done recently as it looked new and crisp. The seafront being a combination of boardwalk and paving. My son took one look at the beach and decided he needed to go on it straight away. I think it must be his first time on a beach, so with the tide out, he and my husband ran down and explored for half an our. I stayed and waved and looked after Isak. Personally I don't feel a great loss for beaches. They never were my favourite thing, and while I miss the opportunity I cant say I would ever have been very likely to spend much time on them.

So there I was, female......in a wheelchair.... on my own... with a baby... in France. Well let me tell you, I would have had less attention than if Id been streaking up and down, stark naked shouting 'We won the war'. You see the French like to stare. In Britain we try hard not to stare even though we do, but the french have no worries about being blatant. They will stare and stare and stare. After a few days I got used to it, but initially it was very odd. I think I was stared at all the more for being female and having a baby.

Anyway I was getting a bit bored when an old lady came up to me and started chatting. Remember this all took place in french

"Ah you have a lovely baby, its a he isn't it?"

"Yes hes 4 months old. I'm English so my french isn't that good im afraid."

"Ohhh Eye lurve zee eengleesh." (She said in English)

Continued in French.........

"so whats his name then?"

"Isak"

"oh that's very nice. Hes a handsome little boy. So what happened to you then, did you have an accident? Was it before you had the baby?"

"Yes that's right I had an accident in my back a few years ago"

"Well you are very courageous I must say"

"Thank you. You are very kind."

I was amazed at how my French held up to the conversation really. She was trying to be nice. I was tyring so hard to make a conversation that I didn't really have time to think about what she was saying, but I suspect that her comment sums up the attitude to disability in France. We are all very brave Im sure.

E mail

I love the Internet and e mail, its wonderful. But when something goes wrong its trouble all the way! So one of my email boxes has imploded on itself, gobbled up all my mail and now wont let me access it at all! Therefore if you used the e mail address in my profile to contact me and I haven't replied to you, that's why. The email address you see there now is new, so again if you want to drop me a line..... and get a reply this time!!! Then that's the one to use.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

The Great Pretender

In my naivety Id never heard of 'pretenders' before, not until a friend of mine introduced me to the whole subject of this and more. He has years of experience in this life while I don't, so he enjoys 'pulling my leg' as it were. You see, out in the big world there are people who pretend to be disabled. Oh yes they are out there, some I suppose are obvious and others arn't. Well actually I don't know if Ive ever come across one so I cant say. Certainly these people infiltrate the world of cyberspace which is spooky to say the least, and its those I've come across on occasion.

So some people by day are normal active out and about types, and then suddenly at night and the weekend they become disabled... well sort of. If you don't believe me look it up on the net, there are some crazy sites to be looked at. I wonder to what lengths they go to in order to be disabled and why? Its OK trundling round in your Quickie GPS but I'm not sure they spend 2 hours getting dressed or half a lifetime in the bathroom. Maybe they do, who knows?

More alarming are Internet infiltrators. These people start off plausibly enough but seem to have to change their stories and forever embellish it all. Usually they give themselves away because facts just don't quite hold together and sometimes you get 'that feeling'. Again I find the whole thing hard to fathom, do they see it as a game or do they have some kind of Munchhausen's I wonder? I don't have an answer, I just end up being dismayed by it to be honest, I suppose its all a bit sad really as you never appreciate what you have until its lost.

Sniff, Cough, Ouch....

Not only have I brought back a few bottles of wine from my time away Ive bought back a bit of a cough and a cold. Anyone who's read this blog over the last year will know that I find coughs only 2nd to bad stomachs in their awfulness. Its not the cold as such, its the fact that I always get a cough as well. So it goes like this "sniff, sniff, cough, Ouch, cough, Ahhh,.... bol****s!" Coughs have 3 effects on me if I'm really unlucky.

1. It really hurts the base of my spine and jars right through me, making me feel like Ive been stabbed every time I cough.

2/3. If its really bad then I get doubly incontinent.

So far its mild. Ive got number 1 and a bit of number 2, and I can really, really do without number 3. So lets just hope it runs its course and wanders off to make someone else feel crap.

I need a holiday too!!!! 2

La Roche Derrien is a small town in the Cote d'Armor of Brittany, near to the towns of Lannion and Perros Guirec. We found our destination fairly easily and it was at this point I was starting to feel a bit nervous. I mean just how many times have I been assured that its all accessible only to find that really its just bloody awful?

So we pulled up to be greeted by our hostess for the week Jacqui Alban, who then showed us to our holiday apartment. My first impression was one of OMG.......... this is amazing, because you know what?, it was bloody brilliant. No steps, not one. How often do you find steps in 'accessible' places? Big doors, wider corridors, less furniture so you can get round properly and most wonderful of all an amazing bathroom!!! The bathroom was enormous, and I mean BIG. It was in fact a wet room with a great shower AND a shower chair!! God I felt spoilt. I know a lot of people are very unhappy at perching on little shower seats attached to the wall. No they provided a proper chair. And a proper toilet, and a proper sink....... with a plug!!

Oh you can tell how impressed I was and still am, really and truly it lives up to their claims, and it would be churlish of me to criticise because I think they have just about thought of the lot.

Outside is a garden which is down a slope. I didn't actually go down because you would need some help, but I did get down to feed the pigs on my own which was pretty good going as I'm sort of out of shape anyway. There is a lovely view over the river that faces west, ideal for evening sunsets and there is nothing better than sitting out with a drink or 2 after a days sightseeing and watching the sun go down.

So the accommodation really was terrific, and I recommend it unreservedly to anyone who is looking for accessible family or otherwise accommodation. If you fancy going to France then this is the place to stay.

To take a further look, check out their website which shows everything you will ever need to know.

http://www.ineedaholidaytoo.com/index.htm

Go on if you book now, you might bump into us next year as we are going again in June!

On to Caen

Right.... Right.... Stay on the RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And don't forget the roundabouts go the wrong way round!!!!!!!! I cant say I took to driving on the other side of the road very well. At one point I did almost collide with another vehicle but it was a minor road with no marking so that's my excuse. Otherwise our ride to Caen was pretty dull, staying on the motorways as I wasn't really very confident on other roads. The highlight being the drive over the Pont Normandie, wow, that's a scary bridge!!

Well it didn't take long for me to realise that the French are not very user friendly when it comes to disability, in fact I'm not sure disabled people really figure in their society at all. We discovered early on the motorway services are not great places from my point of view. For a start they usually have one disabled parking bay, and secondly there is a good chance of being run over. They have high kerbs, and dropped kerbs are some sort of aberration when they appear. So I provided a lot to stare out once I got out the car. I get the distinct impression that to be disabled in France means that you stay in your own home or live in some sort of institution, for I was certainly a curiosity. Nevertheless we arrived in Caen around 5pm to find that our hotel room was not technically wheelchair accessible. What I mean is I could get into the room but the room was so small I couldnt go anywhere and a quirk of building design means that for some reason they make all the bathroom doors narrower. Consequently I had a night on the bed without getting into the bathroom. Good job I can use good old plan B for that kind of thing these days! But we ate well and a nice Frenchman commented on what a good boy my son was, probably just felt sorry for me, but it left a little warm glow as people are very quick to criticise small children.

So that was Caen, gone in a few hours, but hopefully I will be able to stay a few days more next year.

Dover to Dunkirk with Norfolk Lines

Now first things first. Let me remind you that this was our first trip abroad with 2 small children and me in a chair, it was going to be an adventure no doubt about it.

So I chose Norfolk lines because they were the cheapest, after all I have nothing to compare service wise, so I assumed that because Id marked up Disabled and Wheelchair Access on the booking form, they would sort it out automatically. We should have mentioned it on checking in because they parked us in the middle of a deck and Oh dear, I cant get out the car!!!! There was then a further 20 minutes palaver while we had to be moved and shuffled round the other side of the parking deck, cars having to move, and go round again until we could park by the lift. Anyway that's the first lesson, assume nothing and you will be OK.

Once on board, the ship was great. Ive never been on a ship with something with wheels before and its a rather weird feeling as the ship rolls gently, so do you. Its a very odd sensation as one minute you are pottering round the deck, the next rolling forwards with speed. But it was a short quiet crossing, so uneventful really. Great loos though!!!! Onwards to Caen!............

The Wanderer Returns

I'm back, so..... did you miss me? Go on, go on go on , you know you did!

So over the last 19 days, I have driven 2844 miles, had an average speed of 46.9 mph and got 34.7 mpg. I have been sat in the driving seat for 60.65 hours.

The whole trip could be described as wonderful, exciting, frustrating, funny, relaxing, scary, embarrassing, and sometimes sad. Ive seen old friends and made new ones. Been to new and beautiful places, and revisited old haunts. It has for the most part been the best of times. So, Id better get on and tell all.........................