All is Vanity

The thing about having a spinal injury is that your stomach muscles start to sag and you end up looking like a sack of potatoes regardless of what you wear. Now I was never that bothered about how I looked, probably because I never thought the raw material was any good to start with, now though I tend to be far more concerned with my general appearance, more so than I ever was! So while I'm never going to look really great, I'm sort of pleased and I must admit just a little bit smug to discover that I can get straight back into my pre maternity clothes without even having to breath in. In fact I may even have lost a bit of weight which is just wonderful and even though my stomach muscles are pretty much non existent these days, I can still pretend cant I?!

Miserable Bank Holiday

So it was a cold grey bank holiday Monday, and being at a loss as to what to do, a trip to A & E seemed in order. I mean what better way to spend your time?

Well it all started a few days earlier, and you may know that after you've had a baby you continue to bleed for some time afterwards. This is all totally normal. However after about 10 days I noticed it was getting worse not better, but I sort of decided to ignore the whole thing because I really didn't want to be bothered with hospitals anymore to put it mildly. But after a visit to the bathroom on Monday morning I thought oh-oh.... and mentioned it to my husband. You should phone the hospital he said. So I procrastinated a bit more and then called maternity thinking nothing of it. You'd better come in they said, after all you don't want to bleed to death do you? No quite so, I thought.

So I pottered into A and E and lay for 3 hours on an examination table answering loads of questions about my medical history .... again, and having blood take from my wrists..... OUCH! I REALLY HATE THAT!

Eventually I was sent home, armed with boxes of antibiotics and ordered to come for a scan on Wednesday. Now don't you just love the NHS? Honestly and truly where would you get better treatment? We so love to knock it, but I don't think you'd get better treatment anywhere.

The Apprentice

So who saw The Apprentice tonight? All I can say is Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Assumptions

There seems to be a certain disabled hierarchy which goes something like this. Wheelchair users at the top, then blind, deaf and then learning difficulties at the bottom. There is also an age thing in that older disabled people seem to always think they are more disabled than a younger person with the same disability. Its like a badge of pride to some people believe me, so I often find I'm glared at horribly when I park my car in disabled spaces and then sit for a while. Half of me does it for devilment to be honest. I will often hesitate just a few minutes before producing my badge. Mind you I'm sure some people think I must be using my mothers or grandmothers by the looks I often get. So I shouldn't be surprised or offended by reactions anymore. But you know what? I am, because its ALWAYS older people who give me the evil eye.

This weekend we were parked in the supermarket car park and I was in the car with the children while my husband put the shopping in. Along comes this old guy with his wife and almost kicks our shopping out the way in his efforts to get into his car. No 'excuse me' or just polite waiting for a minute, Oh no, I think as far as he was concerned as we had 2 children there was just no way I should have parked there and he showed it. Later in the day we called at another store and whilst in the shop Isak needed feeding so I went back to the car with him. I was sitting feeding him when this middle aged bloke got out the car and sat in his wheelchair just glaring at me. I mean we are talking evil eye here. I could almost see his assumptions flying out of his head, Im surprised he didn't bore holes in the side of his car he was so blatantly rude. Frankly I wish he had challenged me and then we could have had a nice conversation as to the merits of which wheelchair is best. I think what this shows is that many people assume that younger people with blue badges are either fakers, malingerers or just not entitled to it, when if you look at blue badge abuse as a whole the older generation thinks its fine to use their spouses badge even if they are not in the car, after all its their right isn't it? My blue badge is not my right, I don't particularly want it and wish I didn't but it is one of the few things that have actively improved my quality of life. And yes cripples can have kids, so **** off. Thankyou!

Mission Nearly-Impossible

"Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to take it is to get your cripply wife, newborn and grumpy 3 year old with chickenpox round Morrisons as quickly as possible while not forgetting any of those items your really need. As usual, should you or any member of your Force be captured or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your existence. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck."

Well that's how life must seem to my husband at the moment anyway. Almost mission impossible. It was our first outing, a necessary evil and at the time we didn't know my son wasn't well. I just thought he was being grumpy. I had foolishly thought that it would be easy getting me and a baby out and about, but oh dear just slap me about a bit, what was I thinking? I mean the logistics of the whole enterprise are just awful. Firstly we had to decide which trolley to get. After trying 2 we decided the best thing was to get an ordinary trolley and just plonked Isak in the basket in his car seat. After all this wasn't a major shop just some odds and sods. So my husband pushes him in and I bring up the rear with Elk who decides to freeze upon seeing a revolving door. Its also on a slight slope so not only am I trying to coax him in, I'm also attempting to get up the slope and through the door myself. Fortunately a kind lady assisted us and we were in. Now Elk decided he wanted a ride which is fine until half way round he needed the toilet. My husband whisked him off and I was left sitting with the baby. Its at this point that I realised that I couldn't actually reach him. At least in the trolley I could see him. If he'd been on top of the trolley I wouldn't even have been able to do that. So I sat there for about 20 minutes with a bottle feeding him through the bars in the trolley, it would be funny if it wasn't so ridiculous. Sounds like someone somewhere should come up with a wheelchair friendly trolley that can take babies/children!

So all in all It was bloody hard work. Take it from me its something we have to practice. I'm not over enthusiastic about the whole thing of going out much, I think Id be happy staying at home for a while. However needs must, and next week I face my first challenge alone. I have to take Isak to the Freeman hospital on my own for a hearing test. Oh I cant wait for that! And as for my husband? Well he has taken on the mission and at the moment everyday seems a bit like mission impossible.

Spots

I just found out my older son has chicken pox. Oh great, wonderful, thats really made my day! I need that like I need.....................

Let me carry you

How to carry a baby? Now there's a question. With all the health professionals in the world hopping about offering me help, no one seems to be able to say ' this is a good way for you to carry your baby etc' which is sort of surprising really. Perhaps the assumption is that my husband is my carer and therefore I will never be alone or want to go anywhere with my son without someone helping me. So anyway I have been looking at baby carriers. You know these things you where on your chest with the baby hanging in them? Well it looks sooooo easy I'm ashamed at how I just assumed Id be able to throw him in one and that would be it. Oh no it doesn't work like that, these things are not easy to put on and not easy top get baby into. Currently I'm trying out 2 of them, neither of which Isak likes. He whinges and whines and creates horribly which then makes me feel like a totally hopeless and inadequate mother!! Well I know that's not true but it doesn't help. anyway at this point in time I have yet to take him out on my own although I'm intending to take him for a medical appt next week in Newcastle without assistance. So we shall just have to work on it and I will have to harden my heart to his complaints!

Me and Isak

Seems that I'm now officially a disabled parent. Before I had Isak I was a disabled person who just happened to have a son, now I'm a disabled parent. The system seems to work in such a way that as I was AB'd when I had Elk, I didn't count before. Now, I have had a hoard of health workers calling in to see how we are and if we need anything. No I say I'm fine really. I have done this all before so its no big deal...... then they say they will call in tomorrow anyway. I smile and nod graciously while my husband grinds his teeth in the background. I can honestly say Ive had no more than a couple of hours alone with my new son since he was born and I'm a bit fed up to put it mildly. In fact I'm bloody cheesed off and wish they would all bugger off to where they came from. Oh I'm so ungrateful aren't I? Well what irritates me is that of course they only ever offer the help they think you want not what you really need. At the moment I would like help with cooking, cleaning, doing my washing, ironing, getting the shopping in, taking my older son to nursery and collecting him again, and so on. That's what I need, so who's offering, certainly not social services or the NHS!

Tired tired tired

If you know Me personally and I owe you a phone call or e mail, then let me grovellingly apologise, I haven't forgotten you, I'm just exhausted! I will be in touch asap promise!

So I have a lovely son who sleeps all day and then is awake all night. Its hard at 3 am let me tell you, I don't think Ive had more than about 2 hours at a time sleep for a week now and its taking bit of a toll.

Oh you look great everyone says, well I have this knack of looking wonderful despite whats really going on with me, so people are always shocked if I say otherwise. Its actually hard to even persuade anyone I'm not fine. Really I should look like shite! That would help.

At the moment I'm battling the return of pain. Id sort of expected to be pain free once the baby was born, stupid huh? But whats returned is now more of the old neurogenic pain only sharper and more acute, and combined with lack of sleep and its making me feel paper thin. I'm trying so hard not to verbally rip my husbands head off because frankly hes been a superstar of late, so it would be nice of me to treat him as he deserves.

I have been blase about this disabled parenting lark. Oh yes Ill be fine is always my motto and while I know that everyone always manages in the end I don't feel that confident tonight.

Birth Story

So, whats with the story of Isaks birth? Well it just goes to show that nothing ever goes to plan..... Having spent Tuesday night with growing discomfort I decided on Wednesday morning that this was 'it' and time to head off to the hospital. Now Hexham has a really nice, new and quiet midwife led unit which seemed ideal as I had my first son in 5 hours with no problems whatsoever. What do they say about the second one being quicker? We arrived at about 10am and I was well on my way, such that his ETA was about 2pm. Great I thought, home for tea at this rate! In order to aid the whole thing they like you to stand up as much as possible or failing that be vertical if you can. So I had a good hour in the bath and then spent some time getting into various supported positions with the help of my husband. However I hit a couple of snags, the main one being that my back was starting not to hold up to the contractions and I just had to lie on my side for a while, and when I did this the contractions started to vanish. By 2pm, they realised that the contractions just weren't doing the job and that I was no farther on than when I started, so the midwives made the decision to transfer me to 'bloody Newcastle' as I grunted through contractions.

Half an hour later an emergency ambulance arrived and I was strapped to this teeny tiny stretcher and whisked off with my husband sitting in the front. I'm amazed at just how uncomfortable ambulances are. I mean you would think that given the number of life threatening illnesses they would make them a bit more padded. I had a tortuous trip lying on my side with paramedic sticking needles in me, and boy do I have some great bruises, my husband had a fun ride with blue lights and sirens ll the way. So I know who had the better ride.

Once we got there things sort of swung into action. We had let me see, 3 midwives, a junior doctor, the consultant, the anaesthetist and even a professor popped in to say hello. It seems to me that no matter how many times you put things in your notes they still have to ask you about your medical history regardless of the circumstances. In between excruciating contractions they want to know about my bladder function, state of my spine, how it all happened and how it affects me. Hmmmmm its in my note I thought. Funnily enough I was completely drugged on gas & air , and could only manage shakes and nods of my head and a few grunts, yet remained mentally lucid. Why put it all in my notes if you don't read it?!!!!

Anyway I begged for an epidural as I felt my spine was being ripped from my body and they procrastinated. I realise now that its a ploy to avoid giving it to anyone with a spinal injury, as by the time they decided to do it, the baby was born!!

I couldn't help a few tears, not of joy, but of some sadness I suppose. We had planned such a nice birth and it wasn't supposed to be quite like this. But having said that we are all well and at home so nothing is lost and its all for the best.

Isak

Happy Arrival

Just a quick posting to say that Isak Hershon arrived last night weighing in at 8lb 13oz. As we were told we were getting a girl, it was a bit of a shock to say the least! Unfortunately it didn't all go quite to plan for me and I ended up being transferred to Newcastle by ambulance. However everything is now fine, we are all home and I will be telling the story and sticking a little photo on in the next couple of days.

Cheers!

Ummmmm, nothing to report yet!

Nothing yet

Well we are still waiting. I have to say at the moment I feel as if Godot is more likely to turn up than Hersh minimus! I'm very incapacitated by now and have about as much mobility as a beached whale, really its not a lot of fun. Ive been having back spasms for about a week which have turned out to be red herrings in that they are just that and nothing to do with giving birth. So we are all pretty fed up, just waiting and waiting. So if nothing has happened by tomorrow a it of intervention is going to happen as I'm really in too much discomfort to wait any longer.

Access Forum

Today I went for a sort of interview with the Local Access Forum which covers the whole of Northumberland and the National Park as well. To be honest I was pretty rubbish, feeling fat, very pregnant and tired, so not at my sparkling best. So Id be amazed if they took me on. Oh well never mind there is always next year to apply.

I do get quite worked up about access issues though and it would be nice to get some input in somewhere. I mean think about it. How often do you see any disabled person in the countryside? Almost never, unless you count a group outing with carers. You certainly wont see anyone out with their family much that's for certain. I miss the countryside I really do. It has been lost to me for some time now and I only see it from the car and from a distance, but it could be made so much more accessible to wheelchair users and other disabled groups as well. I don't mean tarmac every path in sight, but certainly make some provision for wheelchair access. Northumberland does this by putting sand and gravel down all over the place and then calling it accessible. Oh yes they know what they're doing there that's for sure!!! Obviously they really need to look at that because I don't know how anyone can even think that's the case.

Id love to see more disabled people feeling as if they can venture out into the country and be confident and safe enough to do it. With some thought and creative thinking, most difficulties could be overcome in this area, but I guess a lot of agencies either pay lip service to the whole thing, or else just don't see the overall value of it.

Waiting.............................

Dum de dum de dum de dum..........................

No baby yet. I know In not overdue but the midwife has thought it could arrive at any time over the last 10 days and so have I. Hersh minimus obviously thinks otherwise.

If I were a betting woman Id say Saturday, and then I can at least watch Eurovision without sarcastic comments from the rest of the family. Some of us take it seriously you know!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

Toilets

Disabled toilets should primarily be for disabled people. That's why they are called dis abled toilets as opposed to toilets for everyone. I know when space is at a premium that you sometimes get one or 2 disabled toilets for everyone, or they double up as baby changing places, and that's ok, I don't mind then, but today I was really irritated, and gosh that's so unlike me!

We were doing our food shopping pre baby, getting those last minute things just in case it arrives over the bank holiday, so being in a well known store I said to my husband that Id just pop to the loo. When I got there the door was locked, someone had beat me to it. So I waited. And I waited, and waited and waited. Eventually after about 10 minutes and a lot of noise a woman comes out with 2 children aged Id guess at about 6 and 3 or thereabouts. Now the thing is, this store has a ladies, gents mother and baby room and a disabled loo. There is more than enough space to go into a cubicle with 2 small girls, Ive seen plenty of mothers do it. But no, this woman decided to use the loo that was meant for me. I was so cross, I really should have said something but on reflection it was maybe best that I didn't as I can be too sharp and rude for my own good at times.

What annoys me is that she had a choice to use which loo she could use while I don't , that's the point.

Words of children

Its very easy to think that small children don't notice things, dont remember or are not influenced by what they see and hear. But my son is always showing me this is not the case. You may have read in one of my earlier postings around Christmas about the whole fiasco that occurred in us trying to get to see Santa at Kielder Forest. To be honest Id sort of forgotten it, or at least pushed it back and mentally filed it away, my son on the other hand seems to think over these events a lot.

Hes now 3 and a half and has sort of got the whole Christmas and Santa concept clear in his head, and as his birthday is 24/12 as well, its hard to escape. We were talking about forests and what they were and who lives in them. Santa lives in the forest he said. Oh yes he does, do you remember you went to see Santa in the forest? Yes came the reply but you cant step up with your wheels, you stay outside Ma. That's right I said cheerily but secretly not really wanting to relive the whole thing, but this year you will just go with Da. Hmmmm, seems he has quite a bit of disability awareness already.

Stand Up and Be Counted!

Once again it's so easy in life to moan and grumble about our politicians and government. No one is ever happy regardless of the party in power and we seem to be obsessed with having public enquiries so we can point the finger all the time.

I often ask people 'So how did you vote last time?' and more often than not the answer that comes back is 'Oh I didn't bother" for reason XYZ. I'm always amazed at this. "YOU DIDN'T BOTHER? " I want to shout, "ARE YOU STUPID?" We should always bother, we should always make the effort to have our voice heard, if not how dare we complain? Cant get to the voting station? Get a postal vote. Cant fill out a the voting form? Get a proxy vote. But just for once, every few years, take some responsibility in making your voice heard, remember we are lucky if we get a turn out of 30% in this country usually. Pathetic.

I say this because my husband is standing for the council in our local elections, he is also disabled. I have spent days stuffing envelopes, writing addresses, driving him round to put leaflets through doors. It doesn't matter if he wins or not this time, what matters is that a disabled person is trying to get a different voice heard, a different agenda, one that could maybe just improve things for many people. It is only by getting the 'disabled voice' heard that we can achieve change both for the physical world we live in, but also in peoples thoughts and expectations. We all have the power within us to take a step forward, to be counted. I will remind you of the words of John F Kennedy

Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.

How to make life better.

As disabled people we often moan about discrimination and disablism and of course this is true, but often we are unaware that there is legislation that could be used to our, and everyone elses benefit but is often forgotten about or ignored.

In particular I'm talking about Section 106 of the Town and Country Planning Act (1990). Section 106 of the Act (as substituted by the 1991 Act), and in DoE Circular 5/05, produces effects which are often referred to as Planning Gains or Planning Obligations. It relates to monies paid by developers to Local Planning Authorities in order to offset the costs of the external effects of development. For example, if a developer were to build 100 new houses, there would be effects on local schools, roads etc., which the Local Authority would have to deal with. In that situation there might be a Section 106 agreement as part of the granting of planning permission. The developer might agree to make a contribution towards the provision of new schools, or pay for extra costs of roads.

With me so far? So here's a real example. 18 months ago, Tesco opened a huge new Superstore in Hexham, and had the Planning Dept given it any real thought they could have said to Tesco, " OK you can have planning permission, but in return we want you to run a wheelchair accessible bus service around the villages 3 times a week". For a company like Tesco the cost is almost invisible, its a good way to improves services for the community generally and could also bring positive benefit to those unable to get into town on their own. The trouble is, it has been found that Section 106 is little used in rural areas or areas of sparse population. This is because local councils are paranoid that a company like Tesco will 'pull out' if they are asked to contribute 106 money. Believe me they wont. They don't invest money in new developments like Hexham on the off chance of making a profit, they know to the exact penny how much they expect to make. And as for offering some sort of bus service, the cost would be offset in a days trading probably! So lets encourge our local councils to make more use of this in the future, its there for all our benefit.