Woodhorn

In a flurry of activity we decided to visit Woodhorn yesterday over by the Northumberland coast. Quick I shouted to the male members of the family, its NOT raining... And indeed I was right for it was dry for a whole day.

Woodhorn is a mining museum near Ashington. It opened a couple of years ago and Ive been trying to get there ever since. We got there and I realised that for once it actually looked promising. The whole area being more or less flat with tarmacked paths, this was more than I had hoped for.Its actually free to get in although you pay for parking. Inside theres are some great exhibitions loads of space for everyone to run round, a cafe doing light lunches and cakes, while outside you can visit a lot of the original buildings which have been made mostly accessible. There are further things to see plus you can stroll around the 60 acre country park. All in all we gave it more or less 10/10. Probably best to take your own lunch as the cafe gets expensive, other than that almost perfect!

Summer of Fun

I haven't written much lately as Ive been ill. Once we got back from holiday I went down with the most horrible cold and cough.... probably swine flu of course which has left me with a cough of consumptive proportions. Naturally I haven't been sleeping because of it, Ive become incontinent as the baby bounces on top of my bladder and Ive had horrendous bouts of sciatica which have left me literally crying in the arms of my husband. The weather has been grim and my garden ruined and waterlogged. Add to that a stroppy, bored, rude and endlessly nagging 5 yr old who really wants to be at school and you will see August hasn't been the highlight of the year so far.

Until I can get some rest I will probably continue to feel a bit sorry for myself because I'm tired. Not just tired, I'm shattered, knackered, worn out, frazzled. You can tell just how tired I am as i fell over getting into the car last week. With these things I never know how it happens its just a 'whoops' and I find myself head first, kneeling on the tarmac with cut knees. At times like that I have a bit of a cry, feel really stupid, and then resent the fact I'm sitting there by myself when I want someone to rush up and console me. Sometimes life doesn't seem to be a great barrel of laughs even though I know its better than the alternative.

The End of it All

Ive been thinking over the recent House of Lords ruling on suicide and what it means. Unlike the Daily Mail I don't believe it will suddenly make lots of old people or disabled people or anyone feeling a bit down fly off to Switzerland and get their friends and family to carry the luggage one way. No I think if you are so minded to kill yourself then you will do it or you wont do it. I have always thought I would cling on to life with my very last breath no matter what. My grandmother did, I know she didn't want to leave us because she kept telling my mother, but at the end she also said she could wait much longer. My other grandmother is still alive. I last saw her 6 years ago at her 90th birthday party. She was sprightly and active and delighted at the whole family gathering, she was also totally lucid and very nimble on her feet. Not long after that she fell and broke her hip so badly she never recovered. Her whole hip joint had deteriorated so much it had to be removed and as she no longer has a hip has been unable to walk. Basically that finished her off, and she rapidly declined into the world of senility. She is now 96 and lives in a home, she recognises no one and is pretty much unable to engage with any family member as she doesn't know who they are or has any idea where she is. I haven't been to see her for the reason that she wouldn't recognise me. Having said that she is still strong physically and her heart keeps going, I'm sure she will reach 100 . However I often think back to that party and wonder what she would have wanted for herself if she had seen into the future. Would she have wanted to be here at any cost or not? Obviously we cannot second guess her thoughts now, but as I think upon myself I am sure that if such a time came where I was unable to recognise my own children or husband then it would be better for all if they popped something into my tea, never to wake up. Its probably a horrible thing to think about too much but as Ive said before I don't worry about the dying, I do worry about the leaving but in that situation I would probably not realise what was lost.

Fat

Suddenly in a course of a couple of weeks gone from being pregnant but not as you'd notice very much to being hugely fat and rather incapacitated. I suppose I should be glad Ive managed to keep reasonably presentable for this long. But what I hate the most apart from the swelling elephant legs, flipper feet, is that my face is looking puffy and unsightly. I have the look of someone who eats a family size pizza, 2 litres of Ben and Jerry's, every night and then finishes this off with a large box of Roses just to be sure. The funny thing is though I actually go off food every pregnancy and end up losing weight by the end. I know that this fatness is water which doesn't actually make it any better at the moment, but a week after the baby arrives I should be back wearing my usual clothes. As it is I'm running out of things to wear at the moment, which doesn't do a lot for the self esteem, but only a couple of months to go now so I just need to keep my head down and keep an eye on the calender.

Rude and Unpleasant

Well our new kitchen is pretty much done. All we have to do when we get round to it is have some new flooring put down and do a bit of decorating and do some decorating. Not my main priorities right now though.

However I want to moan about the whole process. We had it done through a disabled improvement grant as the kitchen wasn't great and didn't look as if it had been touched in 30 years. My main issue was either everything was too high, or too low. In particular standard cookers are awful for reaching anything at the back, so my OT suggested that we apply for a grant. After about 6 months of tooing and froing, various designs it seemed it was all coming into place. That is until the man from the council stepped in. Now from the start I knew he was going to be trouble. As I did the very same job he was doing in the past I knew what to expect, good advice, empathy with the customer, getting a job well done, the best designs and courteous assistance. How wrong was I? This bloke was totally rude and unhelpful. He quibbled over every single penny and adaptation, like I didn't need it and was trying to get as much done as possible. Actually I was pretty much guided by my OT as to design and suggestions. This guy never bothered to communicate with us, only through 3rd parties. We only knew when the work was going to start/stop/start as the builders told us, because he didn't. Funding was given at the last possible minute with him quibbling over every penny to the last second. bits we removed from the original spec without any consultation with us or my OT. In short he couldn't be arsed with the whole thing, and frankly I think he either begrudged the whole process, telling me in the past a kitchen of 6 inches sq was considered adequate ( or some other small dimensions) or he viewed us as spongers on society who certainly didn't need or deserve a better kitchen. Make do and shut up. In short he had the worst attitude of a local government officer I have ever come across and that was with Northumberland County Council. The week after our kitchen was finished he retired. So I have no recourse to complain otherwise I would have wiped the floor with him. I only hope the person doing the job now is more approachable and friendly than he was. At the end of the day whatever you think of people you have a duty to give decent service. Most disabled people are not benefit scroungers living off the state, most people just want a decent quality of living and some hope in the morning when they get up. With any luck this guy will never become disabled himself or have a disabled partner, because if he does he will realise that the world is a very different place than the one he lives in now.

On Holiday

We had a good holiday, visited some excellent places, Slimbridge, Westonbirt Arboretum, the American Museum, saw family and friends and generally chilled out. My one gripe is accommodation, while we had a great place to stay I always end up having to compromise a bit as its virtually impossible to find somewhere that's affordable, accessible and suitable for a family. The assumption for holiday places is that if you need something a bit more adapted then you are elderly and ravelling with maybe one or 2 companions. the chances of being young and have children are virtually impossible. Well that's the perception anyway. So we had a great bungalow with an 8 inch step that I either had to hurl myself over (carefully) or have my husband play the strongman. Once in it was pretty good. Personally although adaptations do cost money it doesn't have to be a fortune and if I wanted to get maximum money out of a holiday let Id want as many people to come as possible. It only takes a few really happy people to tell their friends that they've found somewhere really accessible and hey presto you are full of bookings. So anyway remember disabled people don't have families at all, they are all single, elderly and can stay in a hotel room..........