Cough Cough Cough

Ive been ill the last couple of days thanks to my son who brings home all these lovely things from nursery. I have a bit of a cold but unfortunately for me what I have most of all is a cough. COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH. Yes its one of those coughs that echos back down the centuries, that sounds like you have smoked 100 Woodbine's a day for 50 years, the sort of cough that a 19th century poet would have recognised as an imminent visit from the grim reaper. So today I have stayed for the most part coughing my head off in bed. Literally I do feel as if my head is going to fall off, or my eyes pop out. I have a permanent headache at the back of my head, and my throat feels as if i have a rosebush stuck down it. Apart from that I'm fine... no that's not true, to put it politely coughing is causing bladder problems and seems to be hurting my back more than usual. Because of this constant damn cough I'm having trouble doing things like transfers, and even getting out the car is proving more uncomfortable than Id like.

Tonight Ive decided its got to be Nightnurse, otherwise I might as well fall asleep over the computer than sit in bed coughing and keeping Hersh Senior awake. No use both of us suffering! These coughs tend to last about 4 days. Today is number 2, so hopefully I will be feeling better by Monday.

COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH................................................................

Cravings

Oh I don't have any cravings I keep telling everyone..... OK right lets see what Ive eaten today... A litre of V8, a jam doughnut, a bag of potato triangles, a cheesy dipper thing, a bag of chestnuts, some ice cream ( not much), 2 biscuits, a yogurt, a packet of mints.

As you can see I'm really into healthy eating at the moment!! The main problem is not that I have a big craving for anything, more like I don't fancy much at all, so its pick, pick, pick. A bit of this, that, or the other and not much of anything. I actually lost weight the first time around.

I am getting heart burn though which is new to me. I think its a combination of eating crap (shame on me) but also I'm sitting and so as Hersh minimus gets bigger, its pushing up inside of me squashing my stomach upwards. I have to admit its quite horrible, feels like a dagger plunged into my heart and out my back.....oooooooo:(

So far though its been OK. I'm starting to notice a few things mainly to do with my own mobility. I'm finding slopes a bit more awkward to push up, they require that bit more effort, and getting in and out of the car is more like hard work to. Ask me in another 3 months and you will probably find me lying on the sofa being waited on by my husband!

The Social Model

I woke up this afternoon after a couple of hours sleep and the first thing I thought of was The Social Model of Disability. Oh dear I must be ill or something, I'm sort of ashamed to admit that's what I was thinking, really there must be something wrong with me right?!!! Well I guess my brain has been chewing this one over for a while and unbeknown to me I was bringing my work home with me. So I bet you wonder what the social model is? Because if you are not disabled, chances are you've never heard of it. Well basically this model says that you are only disabled by society's failure to adapt to your need or provide you with what you require to live a life equal to the rest of society. This is opposed to the medical model which only saw the person in terms of their illness or disability. Am I right so far? Hope so, I have to think hard on this. Now Ive been thinking this over for sometime and I really find it hard to accept as a principal. I know its better to see people as a whole so a holistic approach is far more appropriate than the medical model, but can the Social model be any nearer the truth?

I sound almost heretical, or just plain ignorant perhaps, but the social model strikes me a bit as people saying ' hey we aren't disabled its all societies fault'. I find this a bit hard to go along with. Firstly how much do we want from society at large? Do we just want to keep demanding changes or do we work with what we've got? I mean should I demand a tarmacked path alongside Hadrian's Wall so I can 'walk the wall' or should I accept that its not appropriate? At the end of the day I have to accept that I am disabled, not through the failure of society to put ramps everywhere, but the plain fact is I cant stand up let alone go anywhere, and nothing will change that. That is what is disabling me, this is the reason for me not walking Hadrian's wall, not an accessible path.

So anyway I have dug myself a big hole here with which to be chastised. I'm no nearer finding the answer in my head or coming up with another model. Its just a thought for today I suppose.

Surprised? -You will be!!!!!

Stop all the clocks,

cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum......

Because Guess what?... Im Pregnant!!!

I mean who would have thought it huh? Certainly not me thats for sure. Shock? You bet. I had to sit down for an hour!!!! Well seriously, we were both flabbergasted, I dont mean that in a bad way as we are pretty chuffed, but after the best part of 2 years we'd sort of come to the conclusion it wasnt going to happen and had forgotten about the whole thing. Typically, its mucked up my job prospects for at least a year as no employer in their right mind is going to take someone on who is going to vanish in a few months time and probably never come back. So off I will jolly well go and live off the state for a while. Not my style to be honest.

Anyways since finding out, Ive had every medic I know hopping about wondering if they are doing the right thing by me. 'Is there something I should be doing?' I can see they're all thinking? Im sent off here there and everywhere for scans and more scans. All I can say is that having an SCI means you get jolly good care from a pre-natal point of view. Ive been blessed not to be in a state of constant throwing up, and apart from being utterly knackered, am doing pretty much fine and dandy!

Im expecting it to all tick along if previous form is anything to go by. As for the actual event, well who knows? We will have to see nearer the time. Dont worry I will of course be documenting all the details for your reading as it progresses. This time is going to be a lot different to number 1 so it will be er... interesting!!! KBO for now....

Edinburgh

I was in Edinburgh at the weekend. A nice but awkwardly inaccessible city. Geography apart the state of the pavements is very bad, and dropped kerbs just dreadful. Every time I go there I always get stuck on a kerb or 2 and have to ask handsome men for help. Anyway to add insult to injury I got a bloody parking ticket as well!! Can you believe that, me getting a ticket? The reason being that my front wheels had crept over into a residents parking bay. We are talking 6 inches here. I was not impeding any resident or taking anyones parking space. The thing is I'm not keen on parking on street for this and other reasons. Firstly I have to park with my wheels touching the kerb. This is so that my chair doesn't fall into the gutter when I'm getting in or out. So as a consequence you cant even open the car door to see how you have parked because you are obscuring the line. Of course once you are out of the car you cant just jump in and out until you feel you've parked correctly, it takes me ages to get out as it is at the moment anyway. Finally the only way you could really see that I had parked with my wheels in the residents bay is to stand in front of the vehicle, bend down and have a look. Obviously I cant do that.

Moan, Moan, Moan. As you can see I'm annoyed at this. If it was a just ticket so be it, but it isn't. My badge was clearly displayed and the attendant just saw an easy target. Anyway I'm refusing to pay and if they decide to uphold the ticket I shall take it to adjudication. This is a good way of harassing disabled people and I'm not going to stand for it!!!!!

Irritation

This time of year brings about irritations. Apart from being colder and dark, one of my biggest irritations is rain. Now as such I don't mind the rain, but the thing is, when you are in a wheelchair, you get wet, and I mean you get wetter than usual. First of all if you are getting in and out of the car, the extra minutes it takes means you always get soaked. You end up sitting on a wet seat all day as well. The most irritating thing though is that your clothes get dirty and wet. I spend a lot of time at work sitting in grubby looking clothes that started off in pristine condition an hour ago. The cuffs on clothes are always soaking, your trousers get muddy and either side of your thighs you get wet patches caused by your wheels spraying water everywhere. Isn't it time someone invented a wheelchair with mudguards on them or something? Sounds daft I know but think of the marketing potential!!

tired

I'm back. I bet you noticed I hadn't been posting for a few days? This is because Ive just been too tired to do it. Ive been more than tired, drop down dead exhausted to put a finer point on it. If I was standing up Id be too tired to walk anywhere I can tell you. I'm too tired to push. Ive had to ask for help on a couple of occasions this week, and the usual inclinesthat I charge up at top speed have even taken their toll. My back is causing me a few problems. A great deal of the lower back mobility I had seems to have vanished. My back seems to have seized up,meaning that I'm find any kind of flexibility very hard. Take bouncing up a kerb for instance. Usually I can do an inch or so,easy. Just stop, tip back slightly and up. This week I have hardly managed the tip back bit at all as I cant muster the movement to do it. My back is really very painful and I feel as if someone has shoved a carving knife up my bottom. Its so sharp it makes me stop........in mid conversation because it takes my breath away. Add to that a course of antibiotics for a UTI and you can see its no wonder I'm worn out.

My Cheer Up Song

When I was little my mum used to sing this to me all the time. She was a professional actress and singer at the time and I spent my early years sitting backstage on various musicals and Shakespearean productions. It always strikes me that we remember much more subconsiously of our early years than we realise. So this is my cheer up song. I play it loud and often shouting along with the chorus as I thunder round Northumberland. Im sure someone knows it.

Once I believed that when love came to me

It would come with rockets, bells and poetry

But with me and you it just started quietly and grew

And believe it or not

Now there's something groovy and good

Bout whatever we got

And it's getting better

Growing stronger warm and wilder

Getting better everyday, better everyday

I don't feel all turned on and starry eyed

I just feel a sweet contentment deep inside

Holding you at night just seems kind of natural and right

And it's not hard to see

That it isn't half of what it's going to turn out to be

Cause it's getting better

Growing stronger, warm and wilder

Getting better everyday, better everyday

Ba da da da da da da da da da da da

And I don't mind waitin', don't mind waitin'

Cause no matter how long it takes

The two of us know

That it's getting better

Growing stronger, warm and wilder

Getting better everyday, better everyday'

Bitch

Ive been such a bitch this weekend I'm utterly ashamed of myself. Ive given my husband hell and he is the last person who deserves it. I don't know whats wrong with me, well I suppose I do , but its still no excuse to be so horrible to the one who loves you the most. At the moment I'm suffering a lot with pain, and it is on the suffering scale. I don't like to make myself out to be a martyr but its so sharp Ive had to sit in hot baths for an hour to ease it down a bit. Basically I feel as if someone has thrust a pair of scissors up my anus. And I never thought Id have anything in common with Edward II. Its such a sharp pain its making me stop in mid sentence which draws attention to my discomfort even more. My groin hurts me similarly. So while I'm not proffering excuses there are reasons for me being a bad tempered cow. The other thing is that my job is ending at Christmas and I'm down about it. I'm sad to go because I will miss the human contact bitterly. Its not the money after all, but Ive met some good people and it will be hard to say goodbye. Ive always been horribly sentimental at saying goodbye to anyone, so I'm bound to be tearful on my last day. The best thing would be for me to slip away, but I suspect that wont happen. So after Christmas I can sit at home and be a depressed cripple in the middle of winter.

Jubilee Trust

The Jubilee Trust is a charity which runs tall ship sailing experiences for people with disabilities and able bodied people as well. And No I don't want to go on a trip. However try telling it to the patronising ladies I had the misfortune to come across last week.

Coming out of a garden centre (not my choice of lunch I might add) they had a table by the exit and were touting for money. I tried to scuttle past but no, that bright red flashing light in the top of my head sprang into action alerting them to the fact that a disabled person was there.

'excuse me, we have something for you'......shouting loudly so everyone could hear them talking to the disabled one.

(Who me? I thought looking round) 'No thanks' I said

'Wouldn't you like to go on....... a sailing ship?' she said as if Id never heard of.....a sailing ship.

'No thanks'.

'Well why don't you just take some information, you'd have a lovely time'

'No thanks really,' and I flew out the door as quickly as possible. Why dont you just F*** off and leave me alone. Today is my off day for being disabled. Do I really have to explain in minute detail why I don't want to go? Behind me I heard one of the ladies say to my companion,

'here take this for your friend....' ( as she is obviously deranged for not wanting to go sailing).

Even my friend commented that she thought these people were being rather patronising. Oh yes absolutely. I think they felt affronted that I didnt want to go sailing. I'm not overly fond of boats unless they are ferries or cruise liners. And I don't swim very well either. What I really find hard to stomach is a certain pious attitude that comes over as 'arent we wonderful people for doing these thing so you can have a fabulous opportunity'? It can be very patronising. I firmly believe that everyone should take part in some charitable activity, what you give to people will come back to you again and again, but its making sure you do it for the right reason and with an open heart.

Beyond Anything

Beyond Boundaries? More like Beyond the Pale in my opinion. This programme had such potential in that it was supposed to show people with various disabilities pushing themselves to the limit of their endurance, pulling together as a team, in order to reach a common goal. Instead it is truly awful, like watching a horrific accident in slow motion I feel compelled to watch but afterwards hate myself for doing so. Never has such a group of selfish, hateful, and generally unpleasant people been thrown together as this lot. Honestly I don't think any of them have any redeeming features (perhaps 2 of them do) and a couple are just vile to watch. There is a distinct whiff of 'Lord of the Flies' about it all as the stronger group continually turns on, and picks and bullies the perceived weaker members of the group. I have seen little evidence of helping those who cannot keep up, and as for team spirit it never existed from day one. By giving someone your hand, you not only help an individual but you also redeem your own soul, never would I walk away from someone who needed help. And I say that in certain knowledge of myself, not in hope. All Beyond Boundaries shows is that disabled people are as awful as anyone else, and while that may be true, I have met many people with a variety of disabilities who having seen life from a place many never thought they would, have taken lives experiences and used them all in a positive manner.

Id also like to make a couple of other points. The 2 woman in wheelchairs, did they push at all or were they pushed the whole way? What was the difference in attitude between those born with a disability and those who acquired them? Why do some of them need to prove themselves so much? Chips on shoulders perhaps?

You're so brave........

Fortunately its been a pretty quiet few days for having to put up with people professing undying admiration for me. I know it makes me sound like a right cow because it gets under my skin a bit, but I'm no saint and being disabled certainly hasn't added to my wonderful personality. For some reason...... and I cannot understand why, acquaintances didn't constantly tell me how wonderful, cheerful, brave, marvellous and generally amazing I was before my SCI. See now I know you find that simply hard to believe, so do I as although I have gained a disability, I'm not sure that Ive also had a personality replacement. I may be being a bit thick but I think I'm pretty much the same as I always was, and that's worrying for everyone! Age has hardly mellowed me. But Ive become more patient with those who do tell me such things and I'm polite and well spoken, although I'm thinking something else completely.

The other thing that has happened is that several people have told me they think I'm going to 'get better' and also not to give up hope and 'they' are doing wonderful things these days. I think I find this even more irritating as it implies Ive given up and am a bloody misery to boot. Its not a question of giving up but lets just be pragmatic here for a minute and take a look at the facts. I have a serious spinal cord injury. I do play it down, but my bladder doesn't work, my bowels are absent minded and I cant walk, so I think thats sort of quite serious. These types of injury do not spontaneously heal, never, ever, ever, as far as I'm concerned... unless someone has been to Lourdes recently anyway. So either I can get over it, and get on with my brilliant life, or I can sit around, wringing my hands, and hoping for a miracle. Hmmmm which is it to be then? A hard choice I know but getting on with life sounds good to me.

So I'm sure in the future we will live in a Star Trek type world whereby most diseases and injuries can be healed, but not yet, its a long way off lets not forget it. And supposing I woke up and found I was on the list for a spinal cord transplant (these don't exist by the way!) by the time it was done, my muscles, tendons and ligaments would be useless and the bones in my lower body would be unable to support me. So No, not in my lifetime, but who knows what will be available for others in the future?

Who's Disabled?

This probably sounds awful, but I think that I am possibly more disabled than someone who was born with a similar disiblity to mine. Errrr looking at that it sounds bad doesnt it? Lets see if I can rephrase what Im thinking. Im not saying that Im physically unable to do more, (I am but thats not what Im talking about) but mentally have a larger challenge to overcome. I didnt really think that much about it until recently, but I work with several people who were born with disabilities. Last week one of them asked me about the nature of my disability. Having told him the sorry saga, he replied that he was glad he hadnt become disabled because he didnt know how he would manage. Odd that? I suppose he doesnt particularly think of himself as 'disabled' as his life is the life he has always had, but mine has been taken away from me and given back looking totally different. Perhaps thats what disability is all about really?

Staying with Others.

My father in law lives in an enormous 4 floored Victorian villa, and before we arrived he'd said to me, 'will you be able to manage the stairs alright?'. Unfortunately I had rather a bad attack of false memory syndrome, 'Of course, no problem, Ill just shuffle up, it'll be fine'. Famous last words is all I can say. Id forgotten that there were 16 large steps at a 45 degree angle up to the first bedroom, so this was a challenge for the whole 4 days. A difficult challenge to be honest, feeling stupid and uncomfortable and all the time smiling through gritted teeth saying that it was all fine. NOT. There were steps all over the damn house. A few down into the morning room (pretty posh that), a few more into the kitchen, and a nightmare loo. A climb of Everestic proportions to the 2nd floor dining room. I must suffer from a bad attack of pride or something. Never ever ever will I admit its too much for me. Id rather crawl on my hands rather than admit defeat. Oh yes, forgot, I did that didn't I?

So we have realised that when doing visits its now time to stay in a hotel that I can get into. A bathroom I can use with ease, and a bed that's at least half decent and doesn't leave me totally crippled for the rest of the day once Ive woken up. ( The bed must have been the worst Ive slept in for years!).

The other problem I have with staying with people is what do I do with used catheters? I had acute embarrassment at the whole thing this w/e as my father in law isn't the type of bloke you can just wave one at and say 'what would you like me to do with this?' Ooo-Er missus!! So Ive died a thousand deaths every time Ive needed to go to the loo. Next time its going to be Travelodge.

The Road Less Travelled

Well Im back after 5 days away visitting the in laws in Bristol. Did you miss me?!!! Ok perhaps not but it was quite an interesting trip and I learned a few things about myself and others to take forward into the coming months.

The first thing was the journey. It was hell, really and truly one of the worst road trips Ive taken for many a year. We left Carlisle at 2.30 in the afternoon and arrived the other end, just gone 9pm. The main cause of the delay was getting stuck around Birmingham for 2 hours going literally nowhere. Although we made 2 stops along the way by the time we arrived I was moulded into a Z shape and could hardly straighten out. Errr bloody awful Id say. My coccyx was so painful, and my whole backside felt as if I was being kicked with steel toecaps. Moral? I think from now on 4 hours in total is my limit for driving for any one day. If its going to be longer than that its best to stop overnight somewhere.

Ooooooo Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Alrigh' my loverrrrrrs? Im off to Bristle this w/e so you wont be hearing much from me. I have an ideal to visit a few haunts but you can never tell..... its a strange place.

Seriously we are off to visit my F-i-L for a few days. Its only 320 miles so knowing me it should take about 3 hours. Actually I think its probably the longest I will have driven post injury so Id better remember to stop from time to time, or I will find my bum has turned into one big pressure sore....YIKES!!!! So think of me stuck on the M6 near Manchester, stuck on the M6 creeping through B'Ham, and think of me again stuck on the M5 just south of Bristol. Ho hum.... this is the road to nowhere!! So many cars and nowhere to go!

I should think I will have enough stories to dine out for many months after this visit. All those people I could surprise by bumping into them, as they gawp at me from afar. That old question, 'What happened to you' or if they are too polite to ask they are thinking it anyway. All the places I could get towed away from if my blue badge looks odd, after all isn't Northumberland another country? Must be a copy then. So many streets I wont be able to get up or down because of all those bloody hills, ahhhhh you can tell I cant wait huh?! And of course the endless questioning by my in laws, how are you, what did the doctors say, cant they do anything? Ive sort of got to the point of being slightly off hand at least. Ive patiently answered these same questions over and over again, the answers being....fine....not much....No... and you know maybe my English isn't that good. Perhaps I'm sounding a bit Why-Aye, or slightly Scorrrrtish, or perhaps Cum'b'run, because Ive sort of realised they just don't seem to understand a word I'm saying here!!!! So I think you can tell after 3 days Ill be glad to be heading back north where the people are sane, but the buses inaccessible!

No pictures

There has been a blip in blogger recently which has meant that I havent been able to stick all my wonderful photos on for you to all see. I know its a bit boring to look at so please accept my grovelling apologies and fingers crossed it will be fixed soon.

My Best Walk

The best walk I ever took was around the Island of Colonsay in the Hebrides. Its a small island with a circumference of about 8 miles, mostly flat, but with constant breathtaking coastal scenery. We also had a blizzard half way round and I thought we were going to die of exhaustion and exposure,..... But that's another story completely!!!

On Colonsay you will find Kiloran Bay which you approach up a gentle hill, and once at the top, you peep over to reveal this breathtaking view, honestly its truly does make you take a sharp intake of breath. We walked down to the beach and we were the only people there, us plus the dog. I walked backwards along the sand and watched my footprints snake behind me. It was my birthday. A different place and another time.

So why do I bloody hate going to Keswick? As I guess everyone knows its a pretty town in the Lake District surrounded by various mountains, the most well known being Scafell and Skiddaw. The main problem I have with Keswick is all the damn walkers everywhere, enjoying the scenery and taking in the view. They stand around in groups all kitted out in the best walking fashions, and you know what? I'm jealous. Funny that, I have exercise envy. I think I'm really peeved about lost opportunity. What I want is the chance to see those views from the top of the mountains once in my life time. Hmmmmm should have done it years ago, but we always think we have forever don't we? Its about time we started thinking a bit more creatively. Why not stick a funiculaire on the side of one of these mountains? Would it be so bad? The purists tell us that we have to preserve everything we have, I don't disagree, but if its good enough for the Alps, then surely it would do for the Lake District? So here's a couple of nice views. Kiloran Bay, and Keswick and the mountains.

Arghhhh neurologists!!!!

To make up the hat trick of hospital visits this week, I saw a new neurologist Friday. Now at the risk of sounding like a rampant racist I don't care too much for Asian doctors as a whole. I find they tend to be rather cold, humourless and brisk. I know that's a generalisation but its my experience anyway, and combine it with the specialisation of neurology, you get a cold humourless, brisk medical megalomaniac!! I suspect its a cultural as well as a certain language barrier that comes into play, but I much prefer my team of healthcare professionals to at least have a smile or 2.

So I spent a good 2 hours undressed while they carried out the usual tests. These involve being poked with pins, testing my reflexes and lots of other stuff. Actually I don't know why they keep doing it, it would be enough to have read my notes Id have thought, but no, just make me jump the hoops.

At the end of all that I had my time with Dr Big. To be honest as with most of these appointments these days I'm never quite sure why I'm there, so I'm fairly easy come easy go. Seems the main reason for being there is to see if they can get my bladder functioning again. I think its a long shot but never say never huh? And of course the medical profession never like to say they cant do anything else. He starts off by talking to me as though I'm about 7, about my traumatic spinal cord injury. Basically as soon as he says this my attention has gone. I'm sort of still sensitive to this and its all I can really hear. I guess to me is the verbal equivalent of having a cup of ice cold water thrown in your face. Spinal cord injury, spinal cord injury, spinal cord injury, spinal cord injury, its just, so, well, unbelievable at times. I mean when I think about it how on earth did I ever get to this point in my life? This wasn't supposed to happen, good grief this is like watching something on tv, its like being in a different time, and a different place, its not the here and now. Let me say right now, this sort of thing just doesn't happen to me, I mean NOT ME surely!?

So as you can see, I still get a bit touchy about the whole thing. Most of the time I think I'm fine about it, and I am, but then someone with no sensitivity comes along and I feel like I'm a startled rabbit all over again. Mentally I feel like I'm drunk in that this seems a long way away, its like a story, its not about me though.

No decisions were made, no prognosis announced. They wanted to admit me as a day patient to do more tests, but I said no at the time so its going to be sometime in the future. I don't care actually, leave me alone I want to get on with my life. So shall we say about 10 months from now then?

Beyond Boundaries

Right, this is a plug for the programme 'Beyond Boundaries' on BBC 2 tonight at 9pm. Go on watch it. Now I have to admit that I feel a bit ambiguous about this, but on the whole it cant be a bad thing. I suppose it shows disabled people in a more normal light, in that we are not quiet, suffering saints. What I'm not sure about is that the challenge seems like total madness to me at the best of times, and just because I'm disabled doesn't mean I'm any more likely to go off and do this sort of thing than when I was AB'd. I don't do these things because I cant, I don't do them because I don't want to!

The Freeman

I had a referral to the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle last week as well. See I get around quite a bit these days. Someone somewhere had the idea that getting bespoke leg braces might work for me, so he sent me off to see this guy at the Freeman who does made to measure.
My appointment was at 10am on a Monday morning. To say it was bedlam was an understatement!! Obviously every clinic is held at 10am on Mondays. Parking was almost impossible, and I arrived late which is my pet hate of life. It didn't really matter there must have been 100s of people waiting to see someone somewhere as the waiting areas were packed with all sorts of people, standing, sitting, even lying. Truly chaotic. I queued up to register my arrival and the woman behind me keep burping. Her companion was saying are you alright and all I could think was please don't throw up over me. Disconcerting.

I finally got to see my bloke an hour later. Id been told he was brusque and someone had said, don't know how you will get on with him, so I was prepared for anything. First thing he said was Dont know why you've been sent here, this is rhuematology you know. Id noticed, as the average age in the waiting room was about double my age. So he umm'ed and ah'ed a bit. Got me to take off half my clothes, fiddled around with my legs, wiggled my hips, flapped my ankles took some photos, and then said. No there's nothing I can do for you. The only way we can get you up is to have your legs completely rigid. Hmmm rather defeats the object really.

Cant say I'm disappointed. More like relieved really. I didn't want to be someone who used braces as in all honesty they make me feel more disabled than I already am, and secondly the fewer medical appointments I have the better.

So this is it, this is as good as it gets, and actually I'm ok with that.