The Grand Tour

Well we are about the set off on our grand tour of a holiday. This wasn't our intention, it was originally a week in Brittany which has now extended to almost 3 weeks touring Britain to see the relatives and show off the new son. So our itinerary is Kent, France, Somerset, Warwickshire and then home. By which time we will need a holiday to get over the holiday. I know I will! I'm sort of looking forward to it as a change is as good as a cliche but I'm also going to have to run the gauntlet of So what happened to you then... which on the one hand I don't mind, but having said that I'm not keen to have huge medical consultations whereby we discuss the finer points of my medical treatment and prognosis. I get that from the medics in the family as it is. So if anyone is reading this, just take it from me this is as good as it gets!! Seriously I hope a couple of sentences will suffice after all our new son is the one everyone wants to see, I hope and not me.

So there we have it. I'm saying Au Revoir for now. Ill be back mid September with what I guess will be loads to write about so until then KBO!!!!

Tyres

Oh Yes, I'm keen on tyres in a big way. Its really a vanity thing I suppose but I try to avoid grey institutional ones if at all possible. So on my 3 sets of wheels I have a pair of blue Kendas. Ive had these for about 4 months, they are my 'summer' and about town wheels and I'm sorry to say are showing huge signs of wear already. Then there are the grey Primo Orions which are chunky greys. I have a box full of these in our store room and I reckon they will last at least half a life time. I use these for winter and bad weather and they go on and on and on and on to the point I'm sick of looking at them!! Finally I'm just trying out some red Schwalbe smooth wall tyres. The idea being that you don't rub your fingers when you push. They look extremely cool being red against black, and that's me, I'm as cool as they come I can tell you!

Publish and be Damned

The Hexham Courant is our local weekly paper. It somehow manages to find enough news to fill a large broadsheet week in week out and now I know how they do it. You see last week I was the Courants Heroic Inspirational Cripple Story. You see, they found out about the Blog. Certainly this wasn't what I intended when I started writing this, I know I don't give the impression but actually I'm quite shy and am pretty private as well. So I really wasn't sure what to do, but a journalist rang me up and asked me a couple of questions, when did I start writing it and why? and basically that was it, the 'interview' cant have lasted more than a minute. I then grudgingly allowed them a photo which I must say was the best bit.

Anyway suddenly I now know why celebrities get so hot under the collar about reporting, because the whole story was written without him asking me one thing about my medical background. It was all assumptions and the phrasing is pretty dreadful for 2007.Its just amazing how a full article can be written on so little factual information. Anyway read it and weep is all I can say!!

A WHEELCHAIR-BOUND woman who keeps an Internet blog has been head-hunted to write for a national magazine.Lorraine Hershon, who lives at ******** with her husband and two young children, has been confined to a wheelchair since sustaining a spinal cord injury in an accident.However the injury has not stopped her living life to the full.In 2006 she started writing the blog – a web journal or newsletter – which was eventually spotted by Able, the leading disability life-style magazine in the UK. Four to five months ago they approached her and offered her the chance to write for them.Lorraine recalls how the blog took off: “It just sort of got bigger. I did not write it in the expectation of anyone seeing it. It was more my own personal thing.” The blog is called Keep Buggering On. The title is a reference to a line from Winston Churchill which is a running joke within the Hershon household. The idea of keeping the blog came about when she was referred to a counsellor after visiting her doctor with depression. Lorraine said: “The counsellor kept saying, ‘Tell me how you feel?’ So I started thinking, ‘How do you think I feel.’ “I thought it was a way to get things off my chest in a more anonymous way.”Lorraine writes on the blog most days. She shares her daily thoughts and stories of disability related issues she comes across in everyday life. Lorraine shares experiences in shopping centres and the reaction of friends to her being in a wheelchair.She tries to keep the blog humorous. Readers can comment on and share their thoughts with her.Lorraine will be contributing to every issue of Able but has no plans to stop her blog, which the magazine describes as successful and witty.The magazine’s latest re-launched issue features Lorraine’s first instalment.According to Able, her contribution is proving to be a great success and is getting a great response from readers.

Paying my way.

One thing I like to do is pay my way in life, but that no longer happens. I'm the recipient of constant freebies, which was quite nice to start with but now just irritates the hell out of me. The scenario is...I'm with an Ab'd friend and we decide to get a coffee, my friend will always jump up and say 'Right what do you want?'. So I make my order and then offer some money. ' No don't be silly' and they run off leaving me with a £10 note in my hand. This is trivial but it annoys me to death. Just because I'm short so I cant balance a tray of hot coffee and cakes on my lap, doesn't mean to say I cant pay for drinks. I'm not destitute and can happily afford my turn, but no I'm never allowed to. Just because I'm sitting here doesn't mean that people should be extra nice to me or something. I want to pay, I have the money so let me spend it!!!

Va Va Voom!

Ive bought a new car. OK not a new but another car, not too old but just right for me to drive into the ground and take me, the husband, 2 children, 2 dogs, pushchair and wheelchair, and with room to spare for those irritating relatives who come to visit. Now could it be a Tardis? No of course not, its a Mercedes E class Estate.

Ive always loved wheels. It all started when I was 2 and had a red peddle car, it was love at first sight. I progressed onto several bicycles, motorbikes, cars, oh, and wheelchairs of course.....and now probably the pinnacle of motoring. Ive realised I'm at the optimum age, no claims, and length of driving to be the minimum risk and having a very good postcode helps too. The last car theft here was 7 years ago so I'm told. I drive around 25000 miles a year so I'm justifying it quite happily. I'm going to buy a SatNav too as well. Why? Because I want one!!! Actually I hope it will stop me driving round and round in circles in the North East because I just haven't quite got to grips with the road layout yet.

Should I offset my carbon emissions I asked my husband? He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. Come to think of it I said, Does anyone really know what carbon offsetting means? And who thought of the phrase anyway? He just gives me one of those 'suffering man' looks, so I decide to say no more.

The Need to Know

Well today I have to call someone I havent seen in about 3 years. I have to arrange something for Rosh Hashanah. I know he will be pleased to hear from us but Im going to find the conversation a bit awkward. "So how are you both..... what are you up to.... you have a new baby? Wonderful." So what do I say next and how do I say it? How do I casually drop into the conversation "Oh and by the way..... Im what? What am I going to tell him, how am I going to phrase the whole thing.... ?Oh I hate doing this so much I cant tell you. Frankly I dont know if its going to be worse for me or him?

Window Shopping

When I'm out, I find I do a lot of window shopping, but I'm not really looking at the items on display I'm really looking at me. A lot of the time I don't like what I see and other times I cant believe what I see. My brain cant match the expectation with the reality somehow, and I always have that small frisson on seeing my reflection that says f***, this isn't supposed to be how it is. Other times I look very hard at myself because I'm trying to see me as others do, I'm trying to get the measure of how I appear to the world at large. I don't think it works though, but it hasn't stopped me trying to get the real imprint onto my brain as opposed to having the remembered one pop up all the time. I still find it a bit shocking when I catch myself flying past the shops, so I try not to look too hard if I can help it, it isn't really Me.

The Blackwell Arts and Crafts House

However if you want a really nice and accessible day out then head of to the Blackwell Arts and Crafts house near Windermere. My husband had been wanting to go for a while, so it was our wedding anniversary day out. Its set overlooking Lake Windermere and I mean Overlooking it!! The view is fantastic and you can well understand why the wealthy chose this spot 100 years ago to build their holiday homes. Its worth going for the view alone. The house was built at the turn of the 1900s and is a perfect example of the Arts and Crafts/Art Nouveau Style becoming popular then. Similar to the work of Charles Rennie Macintosh, Id say this is actually a better example of the genre.

The house itself is about 3/4 accessible. You cannot see half of the upstairs rooms, this is because the upper floors are built in the mezzanine style with steps up and down all over the place. Having said that, a lift has been installed so you can see a couple of the rooms and exhibitions. All the downstairs rooms are perfectly accessible and offer wonderful examples of the architecture and views of the lake. There is a cafe which while being OK for access would be difficult at busy times. Go on a wonderful day and sit on the terrace instead is my advice. Other bits to think about. Go early and bag the best car parking spot. Don't be stuck in the overflow, and bear in mind that there are some narrowish doorways. I had about 3 inches either side of my chair, so its worth thinking about. I doubt they can do much about this as its an intrinsic part of the house. If you ring and ask first they will measure the door way for you!! Photos of the upstairs rooms are available so I didn't feel hard done by. Over all a great place to visit. They have done everything possible to allow access and at the same time in keeping with the house design. Go and be amazed, have a lovely lunch and chill out. I know I did.

Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo.......

To add to this all the remaining gravel pathways are now tarmacked to make wheelchair and push chair access far better. New access to all levels of the park are now completed completing our compliance to the Disability Discrimination Act.

This is a quote from the website of the South Lakes Wild Animal Park and reading this you'd think Oh this looks OK, in fact its all pretty accessible. There are some nice photos and on the screen it looks good. What they don't tell you is the very important fact that is all on the side of a bloody great hill and no amount of landscaping is going to remove this rather important fact. There is no way you can do it yourself here, and to be honest I reckon you'd really need a couple of people to take it in turns to push you round. Having promised my 3 year old that we were going to see the giraffes they was no turning back, so it was a case of bite the bullet and KBO in our best stiff upper lip fashion. My husband was very gamely carrying the baby, dealing with Elkan, and trying to give me a push where possible, but hes not superman and only has one pair of arms, amazingly. It just wasn't working. So I ended up sitting in the cafe with the baby while my husband took our son round. They finished off the afternoon with a ride on the miniature railway. This is very interesting from an access point of view. It literally runs through the middle of the park, so even assuming that I could have got myself around it, Id still have to hop over the tracks every time I wanted to go from one side of the park to the other. To say I'm bitterly disappointed is an understatement. I don't really care that its inaccessible, its just that they give the impression its ok, and if Id have known what it was really like we wouldn't have gone. So on this occasion I'm going to write to them and ask for my money back. Our day was ruined, I felt pathetic and I saw absolutely nothing. So yes I do want my money back.

Burdens

Sometimes I feel like I'm a real burden and am completely ruining a family day out. I'm not stupid and I can tell that life isn't easy for my husband at the moment with me and 2 young children. Trying to enjoy things that other families do isn't easy for him as he has me as the added extra. I feel sad that when we get somewhere I cant even say to him, 'you sit down and Ill go and get the coffees', because at the end of the day I cant manage a tray of drinks and wheel myself to the table. So he gets us all seated and then trudges off to get coffee and juice. It cant be easy. He also ends up doing all the stuff with our 3 year old, stuff Id like to do and stuff that probably he'd like a rest from occasionally; and because parenting is a partnership and I worry sometime that he is stuck doing a bit too much. He takes it with good grace and a smile but I suppose its all a bit more than he bargained for at times.

Comfort Zone

We must all step out of our comfort zone sometimes, a friend said recently. What she meant by this I have no idea, as I spend a lot of my life lurking outside this zone anyway. So thinking about it, what really puts me well out of the zone of comfort is visiting new places. Which is odd because I love to travel and see new things, its just the logistics of wheelchair travel is all a bit different. The first thing is parking. I'm never sure the best place to park so spend ages driving round the place looking for somewhere that looks OK. I'm really trying to get a bit of a map of the town in my head before stopping. There is nothing worse than parking the car, getting everyone out, heading off for 5 minutes and then realising you are no where where you want to be, or that you are at the top of a hill, which maybe OK for going down, but no way will I get back up. Then there is looking for somewhere to eat. We procrastinate terribly while we stroll around looking for an accessible cafe. They do exist, but there are not always the most obvious. Then I'm checking the pavement for camber, cobbles and dropped kerbs. and looking out for gum, spit, cr*p and anything else to avoid that I don't want in the car. Don't forget other hazards like children, old people, shopping bags, mobility scooters (they have a God given right after all) and just straight forward pot holes, as I don't want to go flying across the road. So you can see given all that, I find visiting new places stressful, which is a real pity as its one of the best things in Britain.

Hells Shopping

The worst shopping experience in the world has to be Tesco in Carlisle. Its absolutely dreadful, and life would be so much better for all the poor souls who frequent it on a regular basis if it looked like this permanently. Honestly if I die and go to hell, I will be spending all eternity rolling around this store. Its is endless in its awfulness, if I never have to go again it will be too soon. How so? you ask, surely it cant be that bad? Well Ill start with the parking. Its one of the worst stores ever for enforcing disabled parking, it just doesn't. Ive sat and watched car after car pull into disabled parking spots, the driver runs into the store and saunters out 20 minutes later. No badge, nothing, they just don't give a damn, and neither do Tesco. As for the store itself, its rare Id ever say this, but its actually too small for the city. Its always jammed packed with shoppers day and night. You cant move for trolleys, and I really mean you cant turn a corner without coming up against half a dozen metal monstrosities. Ive been rammed, run into, fallen over, hit countless times by kids out of control, kicked, had my fingers scraped. It takes forever to get just a couple of items as the store is an endless assault course that has to be negotiated at a snails pace. I was in there earlier this week and it took me an hour, yes an hour of my life to get 6 items. I always vow never to go back, unfortunately its the only store our side of the city. I just cant wait for Sainsburys to ride to the rescue, the sooner we get a better class of supermarket the better.

Swivel and Turn

Today I am a shadow on the wall, a whisper in the trees, a sigh in your sleep.

I have no form or substance,

I am not me.

I am unreal.

So enough of the poetic analogies, much as I like to write such verse it only goes so far in describing how I feel. At the moment I'm feeling not the best. Physically my back is pretty grim, its painful, its cold, it tingles and crunches. I'm not sure if it really does crunch, its just a sensation I get. My skin is hypersensitive to any touch. I'm finding any kind of turning movement very difficult. Normal everyday activities are just that bit more taxing. Every morning I start the day by lying in bed for sometime listening to the radio while my husband nags me to get up. What I'm really doing is thinking 'can I get up?'. Can I roll over enough and get enough momentum going to get out of bed, that's why I'm really taking my time. Getting me out of bed isn't his strong point to be truthful and its usually better if I do it myself.... don't do that I shout . Its not the best way to start the day.

The other thing that I find equally as uncomfortable is getting out the car. Its that swivelling round you have to do when you get in and out that does it for me. I sort of grit my teeth and go 'uuurrgghh as I do it.... So lady like. I also spend time sitting in supermarket car parks looking suspicious. Like I said I'm really trying to summon up enough energy to swing into action. Its not great.

So that's why I'm feeling so fragile. it wears me away, it really does.

The FDR Principle

My mother was a war time baby, so when I was growing up I listened to stories from both her and my grandmother with relish. After all we are talking about war time Coventry here, so the stories were endlessly exciting to me at the time. One of my mothers jobs was keeping everyone entertained while they sat in the air raid shelters all hoping that this wasn't their last night on earth. Ever the show woman (She was about 2!) she did this by a serious of popular songs, airplane spotting and questions and answers. One of the questions was 'who was the President of America' She would shout 'FDR, Franklin Delano Roosevelt!' to the great amusement of the adults there, and pride of my grandmother. So from a fairly young age I was sort of taken with FDR myself, although I think it was the name that caught my attention more than anything else. When I was about 12, in a fit of enlightenment, my mother kept me off school for 3 days as there was a mini series on about the life of the Roosevelts. She reckoned this was a better history lesson than anything I was likely to learn at school. She was right. From that point I was hooked on the Roosevelts, and over the years I have read and acquired loads of books on them. Great big books of research, and all the time Ive been looking for that tiny nugget that says 'This was the man'.

Now I'm at a point in my life where maybe I understand a bit more. Older and wiser I hope. Im the same age more or less, that FDR was 'struck down'. I'm not going to go on and become Governor of anywhere soon, or President 3 times, but when I look at photos of FDR standing taking a salute, I wonder just how the hell he did it. Where did he find the will? After all he could have retired to an easy life with money and resources, he didn't have to achieve anything. And yet it is my belief he did so much, and did it all with great humour and vigour. The french call this Esprit de Vie. Life force I suppose you could say. Now I'm not one for looking for great inspirational figures but I admit that I have taken huge inspiration from FDR over the years, if I could do a mere 1000th of what he did, my life would mean something. So that's how I try to live my life, sounds really cheesy I know, but I guess we all take inspiration from someone. I suppose I never knew the irony of it before.

A Trip to Blanchland

Its wheelchair accessible....

no its not

yes it is...

no its not

yes it is.....................

and so it was I went on a wheelchair accessible trip to Blanchland. Only of course, it wasn't. By now Ive become very used to the fact that when I ask this question and get this answer, it will never ever be wheelchair accessible, because these paths just aren't.

Blanchland is an ever so picturesque village in the North Pennines that squeaks into Northumberland, and as part of the Local Joint Access Forum away afternoon we were checking it out. I asked the question over and over before the visit, because you know I just didn't believe it would be accessible, and oh dear, ha ha, was I proved right?!

If I didnt have a sense of humour Id just end up crying into my tea, so I suppose its a good job I can laugh. I'm not sure if this is the laughter of irony, hysteria or just bitter despair. As soon as we reached the car park I knew. You can judge a place on its access by the car parks Ive discovered, and the very fact that it had 3 foot wide pot holes which I gingerly squeezed around, didn't bode well.

The path in question then, was about a mile long and 2 foot wide. It was made up of gravel ( Ooo my favourite) and compacted earth. I can hear your hollow laughter already. The ground up and down hill, Oh yes truly accessible. But you know what, I made it to the end. True I was grunting at every push with the ferocity of Venus Williams about to loose match point, my arms felt like the were going to be ripped from my shoulders any minute and my hands sore and chapped, but I made it to the end and yes I was speechless. So we turned round and went back the way we'd just come. At this point I had to admit defeat. The camber was all left handed, my arms felt like jelly and it was more uphill. With the best grunts in the world I just couldn't manage it. But my knight in shining armour appeared in the form of Richard, a really lovely ex army officer who gallantly jumped to my rescue and pushed me back to the car, all the time jollying me along like one of his 'chaps'. The point being made albeit in a rather forceful manner this wasn't accessible. But hey its not everyday you get to be pushed by ex army types, thanks Richard you are a star!

Dreams

Dreams. Sometimes they come and haunt me, they take a hold and make my night filled with anguish. I wake up crying to find Ive been crying in my sleep, sometimes I wake up breathless like Ive been running and sometimes I just wake up, tired. I thought Id gotten to the point where I didn't dream about walking. In my dreams I'm usually the onlooker so I don't get to see myself but last night it was a bit different. I was still the onlooker but I was walking in my dream, I know this because I was suddenly a lot higher,a lot taller and I was up to the shoulder of my companion. The even odder thing about it though, is today I found myself taking that same stroll with the same companion, hmm strange. What I don't like about these sort of dreams is that I get the distinct impression that my mind is chewing over and processing certain information, information that I thought was dealt with, obviously its not.

Small Items

When you have to push yourself from A to B you generally end up wishing you had an extra hand or 2. It can be pretty awkward carrying small items, so it comes in useful to stuff things between your legs. Trouble is because you cant actually feel that you have anything there, its just as easy to forget things. As I don't have any sensation from my belly button, the use of pockets is a bit trying to be honest. Today I spent 20 minutes searching the house looking for my keys. Yes you guessed it, they were in my pocket all the time. I also do this with phones; I'm forever sitting on mine and making odd calls. Keys - carving holes in the tops of my legs, and then there's my wallet. This is a particular favourite. I have spent many an important meeting and the odd religious ceremony with a bright red wallet stuffed into my groin because Ive totally forgotten about it. I tend to plonk things there when I get out the car, and hey presto, they stay there until I get back to the car. Unfortunately no one ever thinks to say " Do you know you have your phone/keys/wallet/whatever stuck between your legs?" Too polite that's our trouble. So next time you see me, just remember to mention it OK?

The Weight Loss Plan

The diet industry is a multi million £ one, all offering the secret of a youthful lithe body, but the truth is the more you eat, the fatter you get. Therefore I would recommend the Hershon Back Pain Diet. With this particular diet plan you shed the pounds, drop the dress/shirt sizes and get to eat everything and anything you want. Its works very simply, your back pain is so severe, you cant look a meal in the face thus losing every bit of appetite you ever had. But hey its a small price to pay for those forgotten pounds. You too can have a body like Victoria Beckham without even trying. I'm the sitting proof it works and remember No pain, No gain!!!

OK to be serious here, its true, I lost weight while I was pregnant, and have lost a ton more since having Isak. The truth is I have the backside from hell (pain wise that is!!!) and I have no appetite. Today Ive eaten 3 plain sandwiches and 4 small bits of dark chocolate. Yesterday I had some roast lamb, rice and vegetables, eaten over about 3 hours. Clothes I wore before I was pregnant sort of hang unflattering on me, and I'm forever having to buy new stuff in new sizes. Its expensive and I end up giving away a pile of stuff to charity every month. Still I suppose if I have to have such a pain in the arse I might as well benefit in some way. I probably wouldnt really recommend it as a great way to lose weight though!

Gravel, I love it!

The curse that is... Gravel. Its beloved by the world over. Every surface you can think of is obscured by the addition of the stuff, car parks, patios, footpaths. What really annoys me more than anything though is you phone up to find out about accessibility, are told the place you are going to has great wheelchair access, only to find 3 inches of gravel in the car park. So, anyway, that brings me to our trip to Bristol. Finally, at long last after weeks of fruitless search, I found a nice cottage near Weston Super Mare. "Ah... looks wonderful" we both cry as we gather round the PC, for it is indeed accessible..... so I go head and book, not forgetting to tick the 'wheelchair accessible box'.

An hour later I get a call, "do I need wheelchair accessible?" Hmmm am I being dim? I ticked the box so..... this means I probably need wheelchair accessible doh!!! I think to myself. I also find Im back tracking on the phone. I get irritated at this sort of thing as you can tell. Im almost apologising that I would like it wheelchair accessible which is a bit pathetic on my part. They need to check with the owner. Yes, the property is perfectly accessible, but there is 150 yards of gravel up to the door, will that be OK? Not really, I want to say, but as I'm desperate to find anywhere even half suitable I just say its OK. Its a compromise and I will have to hop up and down that path in my chair in order to get over the damn gravel, but at least they bothered to tell me. Like I said though, gravel, its a menace to society!

Mountains and Wainwright.

The BBC is full of lovely programmes featuring lovely shots of Britain, for indeed we do live in the most lovely of countries. Mountain is presented by the ever so lovely Griff Rhys Jones while he explores the loveliest bits, mainly those lovely lovely mountains that dot the north. As well as the really lovely Griff there is the even lovelier Wainwrights Walks on BBC 4, which rediscovers the lovely lovely fells of the Lake District.

G-d I f****** HATE these programmes!! I'm so bloody jealous I'm almost in tears as I watch them, so I don't. Much.

I used to be one of those people. I used to explore the countryside, wander off the beaten track, climb a tree and my favourite thing ever was visiting iron age sites and older. Enjoy the days and the sunshine with my husband and dogs. You never know what you are going to see or find hidden, just winting for you. Now I don't. Ever. 'Cos I cant.

Thanks to a Friend

I've spent a lot of time shying away from support groups for various reasons. Maybe I've been unlucky in that those I have come across tend to be rather inward looking in that everyone sits around being depressed or you get a chance to go on trips organised by someone very well meaning all strapped into a minibus, or the average age is about 77. But it's also good to be able to have support from someone in your own predicament from time to time without dwelling on life too much. A mentor maybe, colleague or I prefer the best word of all, a Friend. Its my experience that fate plays funny tricks, something always pops up and of course you never expect it, but last year Fate sent me such a friend. Of course having a mutual ailment is no guarantee of friendship, but Fate also decided that we would have other mutual interests so ensuring a friendship. My friend is also old enough to be my dad which I'm sure he will not like to be reminded of, and has been paraplegic for more than 20 years, so he has 10 times more experience than me. The thing with having such a friend, and Ive hoped for some one for a while, is that sometimes you really want to be able to say My back is bloody killing me today, or I wet myself today, or Can you recommend..... and so on. I don't expect him to have any answers but I know when I say these things he knows, and I mean really knows what I'm saying. He understands that when I'm saying my back is killing me its like nothing you can think of unless you've had it, and that if my bowels and bladder really are causing me problems then its the crappiest bit of this life of all. He can empathise and understand and say the right thing. That's all. Its appreciated. Its made a very big difference to me, really and truly, and Id like to say Thank You to him for being my Friend, and also telling me the funniest and the worst jokes ever!