SPLAT!

Now all was great until it was time to leave. I had to go down the ramp onto the lawn area as it was the only way to get out. As soon as I looked at the whole situation, I thought Oh-Oh, this doesn't look good. Now, Ive never fallen head first, flat on my face but there's always a first time. Anyway I immediately noticed that the lawn was very soft after all the non stop rain recently, and soft earth means I'm likely to get my front wheels stuck, but after humming and haaa-ing over it, decided to give it a go, You will catch me? I asked her husband. Yes don't worry he shouted, standing just too far back for my liking. Intuition told me this wasn't going to work but like a condemned soldier going over the top, I gave it my all, trying to come down fairly carefully I might add, got my wheels stuck in the lawn and flying forward shouting WOOOOOOPSSSSS! as I went. Funny how I had presence of mind to shout this rather than F*** F*** F***!! I was flying, oh yes I was, although it was just a few feet I suppose. He rushed forward to catch me, caught me, I hit my nose on his belt and then he dropped me, as I'm no lightweight deadweight. So with a plop I'm flat on the lawn in a heap. Yes, covered in mud, I'm sat on my backside on wet grass, and laughing at the absurdity as they are utterly mortified. No harm done I'm fine, trying to retain some shred of dignity there! Getting up was problematic but I was so desperate to show them I could do it and not have to have 2 men hoist me into my chair. That's the most embarrassing thing! So I shifted myself round and pulled my knees under and then managed to sit on my knees, with my bum on my heels. Now of course this looks great but I had no idea how to get up from this, but I'm trying to look composed and in control. My husband steped up and grabbed me under the arm, yanks me up, while I support myself with my chair. Oh yes, its funny, I'm muddy but its not concrete and its par for the course. The only thing hurt is my dignity and I guess that will mend pretty soon enough.

My Birthday day

Well I had a great day, really one of the best birthdays ever!!!! My husband bought me tickets to see The Osmonds 50th Anniversary tour in May. I'm amazed because Id said months ago Id like to see it. Now I'm not that old but I thought they would do a great show so my husband, little superstar he is went off and bought me tickets. And just to show how really wonderful he is, he phoned the 'special needs hotline' and got wheelchair accessible tickets which I'm so pleased about because it wouldn't have been the first time that someone had said, Oh I hadn't thought of that, when its so damn obvious!!!

Anyway we went out for lunch with a friend, whats more we went to her house! Amazing, well I'm amazed because no one ever invites me anywhere anymore. I'm never asked to visit friends ever ever ever. This is because people assume I couldn't possibly get in their house which is wrong. As long as its not up a flight of stairs or has huge steps I'm happy top allow a strong man to yank me up as required. Its not that difficult, Id just like the chance to give it a go. Her husband had made some home made ramps which allowed me to get in the house via the patio, and I think its really wonderful that someone went to all that trouble, they worked fine, she cooked a lovely lunch and I enjoyed my birthday no end!

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to meee-ee,
Happy Birthday to me!

Yes todays the day!

Behind You!!!

People are just oblivious to their surroundings. I mean when they are out and about participating in the shopping Mall hunt, the only thing they thing of is the next purchase. So I'm now really really good at reading the signs. I know when someone is about to stop dead in their tracks before they do. I can read every hint, and I'm pleased to say Ive never run into the back of anyone...yet. I suppose there will be a first time, but I'm relieved it hasn't happened so far. Worst still though is when you are out in the open doing shopping and its raining. With slippery push rims its hard to stop quickly and inevitably I end up trashing my sleeves no matter what I wear. So remember, next time you are out, just watch out for fast moving wheelchairs, there are more of them that you realise.

Bashful

My dog died today. Her name was Bashful, she was 13 and she was my best friend. I'm totally bereft and broken hearted. She had been unwell for about a week, nothing you could put your finger on though, nothing that made me realise it was serious until last night. Dogs are like that unfortunately, they soldier on and you never know until its too late. I took her straight to the Vet this morning but it looks like she had cancer in her liver and spleen, so there was nothing they could do. She was obviously suffering and in pain, and so I made the decision for her. I have always told myself I will never keep my dogs alive just for me, but having to make the right choice for them must be one of the worst decisions you ever have to make in life.

I loved her so much, she was a friend and companion, she has been with me through so many hardships over the last few years, she was a special dog, and I say that as someone who has had dogs all my life. There was something about her, everyone thought she was beautiful. She still is. I have cried so much my eyes are swollen and blurry, and my head throbs like its going to explode. I kissed her and told her I loved her, and I always will. And she loved me too.

Ive had a very uncomfortable stomach and pain over my right side for about the last 4 days. Ive also been feeling very sick, dry mouthed and a bit hot. Soooooo although I'm not given to thinking the worst I'm really starting to worry that this may be signs of some sort of appendix problem. Ah but then again Ive probably just eaten something that doesn't agree with me right? Hope so!

Strident

I have a reputation for being quite strident which makes me sad really. I don't see myself like that at all, but on the other hand I know it to be true. I don't mean to be like this at all, but a few years ago I just decided that an 'honesty is the best policy' approach was best. What I mean is that I was always being asked questions that were difficult, insensitive, personal or sometimes even rude. I tried to be as tactful as possible with people and not to assault their sensitivities, but the problem I found is that people often need to be banged over the head with a fact before my situation gets into their heads. An instance could be how my disability affects me. I used to be quite cagey, I don't know, I tended to minimise the effect because I didnt want it to appear too bad, probably as much for my benefit as anyone elses. But the trouble is unless you are really honest with people they really don't have an idea what you are talking about. So now I tend to look people in the eye and say things like Oh I cant pee anymore ha ha... They look at me and then think about it but then you can see that they start to think of the wider implications of this and why I have to be able to get to some sort of accessible loo more than most.

My father in law doesn't seem to be able to understand the whole concept. I have no idea why he cannot grasp the fact that on an accessibility scale his large 3 floor Victorian Villa rates about 2 for me. He doesn't get the fact that his loo is so minuscule that I'm never going to be able to use it, the fact that the steps up into his house are purgatory, the several large flights of steep stairs impossible and the fact that he also has several hidden steps around the place he probably doesn't even notice. Despite my husbands explanations he seems to be unwilling to understand why we don't want to stay with them. Those are the people Ive given up on. However it seems most people are willing to be educated, in fact I only really get positive responses on the whole. So I may come over as being strident, but really its all a bit of an act to make me feel just that little bit more confident about myself.

Instant Recall

Every day I think about what happened to me and why I am here. Every day I run the whole event through my head going over every point. Its amazing when you are going through a stressful event how your body reacts. Adrenaline is an incredible thing, it makes everything so clear, so vivid, so easy to recall. Its also interesting how your senses respond. I don't remember feeling anything, but what is particular clear is the sounds going on around me. Its almost as if your auditory pathways become even more sensitive and then become firmly embedded into your memory forever. What I can hear the most is the sound of my breathing and my voice, it seemrd so loud as to almost echo in my head. I try not to wonder too much about how I could have done things differently, if making a different choice would have led to a different path or maybe my path was set already. Who knows? There is no point in beating yourself up over decisions whatever they may be, none of us can see the future, we just make the best choice we can at the time. And if you want to know what really happened to me then ask!

Roll Up

I have this method of getting up in the morning whereby I roll a bit and eventually the momentum is enough for me to be able to do one more roll then a push and a grunt and I'm sitting up on the side of the bed. Only this morning I couldn't do it. I woke up and realised I was almost frozen. It was as if my back was super glued to the mattress, no way could I even start my usual roll. Painful too, very painful, its as if my brain had lost the overnight neurological connection and cant remember what to do. Its so difficult to describe because I know what I want to do only the rest of me isn't getting the message. So I had to ask my husband to get me out of bed which is a bit of a loss of face for me as I'm usually Super Woman, only of course I don't feel like that. Hes pretty sanguine about it all. Don't worry Ive done handling and lifting he says with a smile, Oh yes I'm just like a sack of potatos aren't I? And I'm laughing as I say it because its better than crying isnt it?

I'm always worse on my left side than the right, by that I mean pain is worse there, I have less function there and I get painful spasms there, all on the left. I am fed up. I have no one to to tell that I feel full of pain. My back hurts, I am up late because of spasms which feel like small electric shocks and my left foot taps on its own from time to time, which is spooky and I don't like it. I have had enough of this life and Id like one that is pain free for the next 50 years. I would like to experience that lightness of spirit you get when you don't have pain. To be honest I cant remember what its like, I just seem to be dragging along in life and its harder than I ever thought it would be or would admit to anyone.

Let it Snow, er Rain, er Snow!

I say I say I say, just how wet can you get in a wheelchair?

I hate it when it rains, because its never just the odd spot of rain here, oh no its always solidly torrential for days on end. Come to think of it I cant quite remember our last dry day, and the flooding on the A69 tonight supports my suspicion its been a long time. Anyway I just HAD to go to Carlisle, forget procrastination, I just couldn't get out of it today. So 5 minutes out of the house I was driving into headlong snow, not a good sign and I did consider turning back, but as a woman with a mission I was not to be deterred. By the time I got into the city and parked it was chucking it down, mostly sleet, very cold and totally unavoidable. On reflection I should have worn my husbands waterproofs, but I had no idea it was that wet, I have since made a vow to keep some in the car. Anyway my guess is I was soaked within about 3 minutes. My hands gave up completely despite wearing gloves, my feet frozen and even though I cant really tell my legs cold to the bone. Thing is from a scientific point of view I suppose sitting down you present a greater surface area to be rained upon and so get wetter. But who knows, chances are I'm talking buzzcocks as it is!!! So I did what I had to do and then took a very slow and careful drive home through the ice and snow. By the time I got back I was dripping wet, a warm bath awaited. But the rain turned into snow, the snow into ice and we expect to be cut off by morning.

Humour

I'm the type of person who sees humour in everything, she says from her wheelchair. I guess its a reflection of my personality in that I tend to be positive in life more often than not, no matter what the situation. Even though its a coping mechanism for the hard times in life, and some of it is very hard I have to admit at times, I remain a half cup full sort of person, although my husband thinks I'm positively perverse. So here's a disabled joke I stole from somewhere else. It makes me laugh every time I read it, hope you like it too.

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, " You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy." Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shoite, Shoite!"He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face."Bi'Jesus...I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?" Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?""Mick phoned...You left your wheelchair at the pub."

Its a cracker.

Pain is Inevitable; Suffering is Optional

2 nights ago I woke with a sudden sharp stabbing pain in my back. Just at belly button height and right in the middle, just where your spine lies no less, it felt like a nasty electrical shock, and at 3am was painful enough to make me shout Ouch! even though I was asleep. Every time I nodded off I was woken up by this damn thing, and the one thing guaranteed to make me miserable is lack of sleep.

I'm blessed I suppose you could say, in the fact that usually I am not tormented by spasms day and night like some. Although I have had it in the past its never been as frequent or prolonged as this. So Ive had a few crap days and Ive turned into miserable grunter. I can hear myself doing it.

Change the baby, grunt.

Make the tea, sigh.

Get dressed, grunt, grunt, grunt.

Get in and out the car, grunt, sigh, grunt, OUCH!!!

And so it goes on and on. I sound like a tennis player and I must be really irritating to live with. To be truthful this sort of thing makes me quite silent, its a pain that drills down into your soul and I seem to use my mental reserves to keep it as far away as possible. All things must pass I suppose.

Part of the Union

Since Ive been sitting down a lot over the last couple of years, its prompted me to take up the piano again. Fingers permitting I can bash out a decent tune, although I tend to be mostly Forte rather than Piano! I dont feel the keys as I should and peddles are out of the question, but that aside it can be fairly entertaining, and good for nights out should I ever go out again!

Currently Im working on Part of the Union by the Strawbs circa 1973. I have a hazy memory of this on TOTP, anyway I heard it on the radio a while ago and thought what a brilliant piece for piano. Not too fast. not too slow, nice and plinky plonky its great for a pianist of little talent!

A visit from the OT

So on Thursday, at my request I had a visit from my Occupational Therapist which was pretty quick I thought. I have a tendency to resist intervention from health care workers mainly because when we lived somewhere else and at the point I began to need all of this, I actually got pretty cursory treatment. I never got the help I needed and so I thought that this was the norm. Only now am I starting to realise there may have been a whiff of negligence there, and that one size doesn't fit all, because I can only say that I have had excellent care from the NHS since Ive been here. But I digress, I'm talking about the OT. Now you may remember that Ive decided to apply for a disabled persons grant, should have done it ages ago, but hey ho I'm ever the brave soldier and sort of got used to living a more difficult life because you do what you have to.

Well she came in, sat down and we had a quick chat. I'm very pleased that they actually sent someone with experience of SCI, but then Hexham used to be the regional centre so its still fairly on the ball over these things.

You need a lift she said, Do I I thought? Not sure that the planning committee would appreciate us hacking through the beams of our 17th c farmhouse.

Well maybe a stairlift, she went on. Sounds OK to me.

A wet room? Hmm I don't mind if I do.

A ramp and somewhere to park perhaps? Absolutely.

So then I'm going to refer you onto the community OT She said.

I thought you were community OT?

I am but theres community rehab and then theres community OT. Even we get confused sometimes!

Ahhh yes of course........!?

Then she quizzed me about wheelchair services...

Ill get them to call you.

OK why not I thought and then she said What about Physio?

Physio, well I haven't done that for ages but it was quite nice,

Well in that case Ill get them to call you as well then.

With that she was off! You know when you get that dazed and bewildered feeling? Well I think I felt as if a mini tornado had flown through the house. All I want is a ramp and better access for me and the baby which isn't rocket science, but hey I'm happy to accept anything really!

Whats in a Cushion?

One thing I never knew about, and I bet you don't is the importance of the right cushion. Seems that one cushion fits all wheelchairs right? After all a cushion is a cushion isn't it?? Noooo of course not, once you step into that world of disability, nothing is straightforward anymore.

I find it almost impossible to sit on a hard surface anymore. Manys the time that I would happily transfer to a different seat when I'm out somewhere, only to realise that the alternative a hard wooden chair. Cripes, they are unbearable!!! My backside shoots pain up my back, telling me that its just not a good idea, I can sort of feel every bit of bone in my bum, which is horrible, so these days I need a decent cushion. When you are sitting for any length of time you also have to watch out for things like pressure sores. Mind you I'm such a fidget at the best of times, shifting around has never been that much of a problem! So for the last few months Ive been giving new cushions a try. Ive had ordinary foam cushions which seem OK but not quite supportive enough, then I decided to give ROHO a try.

ROHO cushions have a great reputation as they are made of individual cells, each one you blow up to just the right amount and then you are sort of suspended on these bubbles. Its a great idea and provides wonderful support for lots of people and is one of the best at avoiding any kind of pressure related sore. But I just couldn't get along with it, I don't know, I felt sort of wobbly. As I find it quite hard to sit up straight without slouching horribly I needed something a bit more firmer I guess. So then I came across the Jay Combi Cushion. As soon as I read the blurb I knew this was the one for me. Its contoured, so its well, bum shaped I suppose! You plant yourself squarely on it and it gives good support, is slightly firmer at the front where your legs put most of the pressure, and the shape is designed to stop slouching.

Mine arrived 2 days go and its just terrific, yes Im a convert to Jay cushions, probably the most comfortable thing Ive ever used. Its Jay for me from now on!

Who's Reading?

Im amazed at times when I look to see whos been reading this. Of course I have the regulars but its fascinating to see those who stumble across KBO.

Anyway over the last week the individuals from the following have read up on my exploits.

1. Edge Hill University
2. Alberta Forestry Lands And Wildlife
3. Liverpool John Moores University
4. University Of North Carolina At Greensboro
5. The Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions
6. Santa Barbara Bank & Trust
7. University Of Newcastle Upon Tyne
8. Debenhams Retails Plc
9. Worcestershire County Council
10. Department Of Veterans Affairs
11. U.s. Geological Survey
12. Schering-plough Research Institute
13. University Of Michigan College Of Literature Science And The Arts
14. Macsween Of Edinburgh
15. Ottawa General Hospital
16. Oregon State University
17. Universitaet Zu Koeln
18. State University Of New York At Buffalo
19. National Aeronautics And Space Administration
20. and finally......Central Intelligence Agency!!!!!!

Crikey, thats scary!

On the Nail

Having rather numb fingers at the moment means I'm not always as aware of what I'm doing as I should be. So in an effort to keep my fingers intact I quite often use spoke guards so I don't trap my fingers in my spokes. Despite the fact that people think I use them as a fashion statement, its just practical necessity actually, they don't always work. I have a habit of catching my fingers on the bits that attach the push rims to the wheels. Its pretty stupid really but I'm just not aware I'm doing it, not that is until I rip half my finger nail off, then suddenly I know about it. So this week for some reason,-blame the cold weather I do-Ive managed to do this to 2 fingers on consecutive days.

Then this evening I managed to slice my index finger open just on the joint, attacked by a tin of dog food!!

Both have very high OUCH factors I can tell you, the only consolation is that I have only another 7 to go!

Haggis

Tonight we have my sister in law and husband staying with us on their way home from Scotland to Kent, and they have bought us some goodies, namely vegetarian haggis (I love it, thanks to Macsweens) and several bottles of single malt whiskey. So we are having a night in (for a change) and eating and drinking, I know its an early Burns night for us tonight.

Taking the Strain

This year is the year Id really like to get some E-Motion wheels. If you've never heard of them they are a really great invention. Take a regular set of wheelchair wheels, put a pressure sensitive motor in the hub and hey presto, when you are pushing up a hill, it senses the extra force and springs into action giving you that helping hand. Ive researched them thoroughly and most people I know seem to have only good things to say overall. The main advantage is that it increases your independence, can be put together just the same as a manual chair and fits most chairs with a conversion bracket. The downside is that they are heavier than normal wheels, the battery has to be kept charged and they work for about 12 miles which seems OK for a day out to me.

These wheels are not something I would need to use everyday, but I'm struggling a lot with a large heavy baby. My collar bones are popping out and are excrutiatingly painful and my shoulders and elbows are showing the strain. I would also like to be able to take some of the weight from my husband. Whenever we are going somewhere not only does he have to juggle 2 young children but he gets me saying every so often Can you give me a push?, which means the poor guy never gets a second to himself. I want to be able to actually be of help to him not a hindrance, Id like to be able to enjoy holidays and trips without the constant physical strain on both of us and the worry of just frankly being a burden.

So Ive decided to try the charitable approach. Ive always been the giver to charity, I'm happy to put my hand in my pocket and give to those to whom I would consider less fortunate and never would I ever consider asking for myself, until now that is. Is it really a bad thing to ask for money for something like this? It would certainly help all our family. Am I not perhaps now one of those less fortunate? Its a sobering thought but there is probably a bit of truth in that even though I hate to admit it.

A trip to the Pictures

On the 2ND January I made a really rash decision..... I decided to take my son to the cinema for the first time. What came over me I shall never know, but it must have a moment of total loss of sanity!

We don't have a great choice. The cinema in Hexham is up stairs, the one in Carlisle on a main road, so I thought going to the Metro Centre was a.......good idea........! Firstly, it has over 10000 parking spaces and not one space was free, oh no there were cars going round and round, me included all looking for that elusive space. Eventually and all down to having a blue badge I got one, we were late and the film was about to start. So work it out for yourself, I guess there must be around 3 people to a car on average so that's 30000 people plus those who come by public transport, Id say the metro centre had about 50000 people in it. Like I said it was a bad bad idea. My son was totally overcome by the sheer numbers of people everywhere and from my point of view, around 3 and half feet off the ground, Im reminded what its like to be a child again as I'm pushed, prodded, jostled and fallen over as we try to get through Marks and Spencer.

The queue for the cinema was enormous, but the film experience was OK in itself apart from the fact that I had him sitting on my lap the whole time. So maybe I will wait another year as I'm not sure hes ready to be part of a film going audience just yet. Me? I just loved those chipmunks!

Dog!

We have a disabled dog. He went blind over night a couple of years ago poor chap, but he seems to manage fine and anyway he fits in with the household. The main problem for him is this chair that seems to move round the house, he never knows where it will appear next. he is forever running into the side of me with a squeak but seems to take in his stride. However recently he has taken to sitting underneath my chair which is very awkward for me to put it mildly. I cant move because I'm likely to run over his paw or tail, but trying to coax a blind confused beagle out to safety isn't easy! His other habit is standing in a doorway. The more I try to get him to move the more bewildered he becomes and the more he stands there. But he's a lovely dog, even though hes probably World Champion, Dog-in-the-Way!

Goodbye to The General

Hooray, I had my last appt at Newcastle General Hospital yesterday. Funnily enough I saw my neurologist, you know, the one I really don't like and he was really really nice to me....! I suppose it was because he was going to send me on my way. Ive not liked him since we first met, but yesterday he seemed actually pleasant. So we are all human I suppose even consultants. So anyway hes packing me off to James Cook next time, not like there's any rush, once a year is more than enough IMHO.

Practical Intervention

I'm the type of person who never asks for help because I'm at best proud and at worst downright bloody minded. I tend to think that we should take responsibilities for ourselves no matter what and I hate having to see anyone about my condition. So it was at first with great reluctance that I decided to contact my OT and see if they can be of assistance. I really want and to be totally honest NEED to improve the access to my house. Since about this time last year Ive been a lot more incapacitated I suppose, yes pregnancy really did it for me, and I show no signs of regaining my previous sprightliness. I am a prisoner in my own home. I can no longer get out of the house without my husbands help and as for taking the baby out on my own, its an impossibility. Unfortunately for me hes a big boy, so my shoulders and in particular my collar bones are just exceptionally painful.

I'm hoping I will be recommended for a disabled grant to improve access and maybe do some work on the kitchen and bathroom as I'm finding even pouring the kettle pretty hard work. Obviously if you saw me, you'd say Of course you'll get a grant but I'm in this game for the long haul and I take nothing for granted ever these days. But here's hoping, what really would improve my life is not medical intervention but practical intervention.

Web Cam

I have a web cam which I'm still trying to work out how to use. Its taken me 2 weeks just to get the sound set up, but I think Ive just about got the hang of it! So here a picture of me taken today, it makes me look almost half decent!

Access for All

Crikey! Where has the last 10 days gone I wonder? Actually they've been gobbled up by the attentions of my children plus a couple of routine medical appts in Newcastle. Probably for the first time in weeks I can 'sit down' take a glass of port and listen to my own thoughts.

So 2008 is off with a start. I'm writing a report for Northumberland National Park entitled Access for All. Very original. Obviously I'm writing it from a disabled perspective, but even though I have a wheelchair point of view, I know little about other disabilities apart from what Ive gleaned from friends and acquaintances. So if you have anything you want to suggest about disabled access and the countryside let me know before the 15th January. Personally I can go on forever about the subject as it really gets on my nerves when I realise Im forever going to be looking at the countryside from the car but I dont want to waffle on indefinatly!

Paying The Price

I'm always getting sent info about new inventions and gadgets designed to help those of us with various disabilities. Its amazing the stuff that's around, chairs that do everything and make the tea, various types of bicycle, standing chairs so you can reach that old jar of something in the cupboard. There are wheels to help you go faster, smoother and more reliably. Things for the bathroom, things for the car and things for the bedroom. All the time I look at them and go "WOW that's incredible, Id love one of those", because there are certain things Id like that really would improve life. And then I look at the price tag, and then I look again, that is of course assuming I can find a price. Unsurprisingly a lot of these are POA. Anyway then I go "WOW that's incredible", because the price tag is usually at least the cost of a brand new car, and I sigh because I know my dream is just that. So I wonder how are these prices justified, I mean really and truly justified? Yes I know some equipment is made to measure and person specific, but an awful lot is really off the shelf so to speak. So do real people afford this stuff or do they have rich benefactors somewhere or maybe only large organisations can afford it all?

Things Id like include some E-motion wheels coming in at around £3K, maybe a hand cycle coming in at under £2K, as my son would love to be taken cycling by me, I would like a sports chair with a really wide wheelbase so I can do more outdoorsy things, £3K, and then maybe if I was spending just a bit more Id go for a standing chair as well, only £5K.

So you see none of this come cheap, I know it will never be cheap but it would be nice if it were just faintly affordable to more people because just one item would make a huge difference to so many.

A Reminder

I have this habit when I'm trying to make a point with someone, I look at them very hard and say very sharply, I wasn't always like this YOU KNOW. Its funny because I irritate myself as I'm doing it and I don't even know the point I'm trying to make half the time. Is it for their benefit or am I reminding myself? I use it quite often when I'm discussing local access issues. I'm sure people see me and think I have no experience of the great outdoors which is SOOOOO untrue, its just I don't do it much these days. I get the feeling that people don't respect what I'm talking about or that I need to be humoured a bit just because of the wheels, I can assure anyone, its neither. But perhaps I don't need to remind myself and just be me, it usually works.